Machete (2010)

Absolutely brilliant

To all those who have watched it: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I do.

Fanciful, disturbing, and wildly original, it announces the arrival of a fresh, bold voice in American cinema.

What begins as a feel-good-human-interest story turns into a mystery, then a tragedy, and ultimately an outrage.

The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his brother Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence. If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you! Machete is dumb, over the top and ridiculous while on the same time it wastes a perfect talented cast of actors except Trejo who isn't that good in general and Lohan too. (0/10)

There are killings, but everything is well cleaned: some blood, but not too much. Fat old men moving like ninjas. Security optional, enough to push the plot, not enough to make the wholes too big. Overall the movie fails to make any bothering statements. The bad guys are bad. The good guys are good. The ones in between are in between. Is it about immigration? About racism? Who knows. It's about making another movie to show Hollywood you are still alive and working. Dull. Boring.

From the "fake" trailer that was in the "Grindhouse" double feature movie, "Machete" is the fully realized version, starring the incomparable Danny Trejo as an ex-Federale who winds up as a day laborer in the U.S. Picked by a man to assassinate a Donald Trump type politician (played by Robert De Niro), Trejo takes the job and before he can fire a shot, he is double crossed and set up to take the fall for De Niro's attempted assassination. Wounded and on the run from the police and De Niro's henchmen, Trejo is helped by an underground network of Mexican immigrants to get his revenge on those who wronged him.My most memorable, movie moment of "Machete" is the scene when Trejo goes to the house of De Niro's main henchman. Holding garden tools, Trejo tells the bodyguards that he is the new gardener. The bodyguards let Trejo pass; and one of the bodyguards says something like "You ever notice how we let a Mexican inside our homes just because he's carrying garden tools?" It's the funniest line in the movie."Machete" is a hyper-violent, often silly, fast paced, action/comedy that revels in its absurdity and glorifies the 1970s cheesy action/revenge flicks. Obviously not meant to be taken seriously, this movie is best viewed with friends as you munch on unhealthy snacks and drink unhealthy beverages. As a bonus to viewers, "Machete" has a surprisingly complicated plot for a movie that focuses on outrageous, bloody violence.Mannysmemorablemoviemoments

"Machete" is not a good film...nor does it even try to be. It's a film with insanely cartoon-like violence, it's extremely sexist, ridiculously one- dimensional characters and a main character that makes Rambo look like Gandhi!! It clearly is a guilty pleasure...but for the right person, it's a lot of fun. Sick, disgusting and creepy fun...but fun nevertheless.I should first point out that I saw this movie on the FX channel. While these folks have practically no standards whatsoever based on what they generally show, I also believe that they must have trimmed the film in order to show it. Any sex was likely excised...though the violence sure seemed to all be there! Yep...heads were flying right and left, guys were vomiting in close-ups, folks were getting stabbed in the eye with stiletto heels and they went through more blood to make this film than the entire Battle of the Bulge--all on FX! So, if it WAS edited, I would have to see what they found as too offensive!!Danny Trejo plays Machete--an ex-Mexican police officer who was left for dead by a soft-speaking Dracula-like baddie (Steven Seagal). Why leave your worst enemy and killing machine like Machete alive once you've captured him--especially after he slaughtered most of your evil minions? Well, how else can Machete star in the film considering that this is all in the first few minutes of the movie!!Years pass. There is an evil senator (Robert De Niro) who is on a campaign to kill illegal Mexican aliens. And, there is the drug lord (Seagal). How and why do they and their lackeys somehow work together and how does Machete figure into all this? And, how does a hottie US government agent who wears stiletto heels (Jessica Alba) get teamed up with Machete? See the film if you are curious. The bottom line is that practically none of the plot makes any sense, the characters are pretty stupid and one-dimensional and the film seems like just an excuse to allow one atrocity after another to be put on the screen. But despite its dumbness, it's also funny- -in a sick, violent sort of way. You cannot help but laugh at its excess and Trejo's performance is fun as well--even though NO ONE is so tough that they can take on groups of armed gunmen again and again armed only with a machete!! Ridiculous...but clearly a film that never takes itself seriously in the least. It never tries to be much other than a guilty pleasure.By the way, the film has a zillion surprising appearances by actors who you wouldn't expect in such an exploitation picture--such as De Niro, Don Johnson and many others. As for Lindsey Lohan...she is one you'd expect to see in such a film. My daughter summed it up well by saying "it has so many cameos that it's like a Muppet movie...but with a lot more killing!". Couldn't have summed it up much better myself! I would have just said it was stylish and stupid--and the last 10 minutes of the film perhaps the stoopidest in film history!!