Æon Flux (2005)

I love this movie so much

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

This Live Action take on the Anime TV Series Suffers from, well it Suffers from Many Things, but it isn't an Awful Film as some Purist would have You Believe. It's just Not Much of Anything. The PG-13 Rating Kills the Many Action Sequences.In the Movie "Aeon", the "A" is Silent and Pronounced "Eon", is a Futuristic Super-Model-Kick-Butt member of an Earth Society that Survived a Plague and They are Provided with a "Gilded Cage" by Overlords that seem to Live in a Floating Flying Saucer Thing, have Mega-Computers, and Speak with Fork-Tongues.It's all very Complicated and the Movie doesn't go to any length to Try and Explain what's Going On, except in the Broadest Terms. It seems to be more Interested in Fashion and Fights, both Highly-Stylized and Frenetic to keep the Audience Distracted from the Vagueness of it all.The Movie is Easy on the Eyes just like Aeon (Charlize Theron) but is Lacking Something, that is to say, almost Everything that makes this Sort of Thing Entertaining. It's Shallow, Plodding, Confusing, and Dull most of the time and might be more Accessible to those Familiar with the Series.It's Not Much Fun, and Fails to Capture that Sci-Fi, Action, Modern Vibe that it is assumed was its Goal. Although it's Hard to Say what was On the Mind of MTV and the Filmmakers but whatever it was, it's Worth Rethinking.

Firstly this movie inspired me. That's right, it inspired me to hit up Google Images to find naked pictures of Charlize Theron, which I may or may not view during the masturbation session I have planned for later in the evening.But, if that's your interest, you're much better off going for one of her "serious" films, like Devil's Advocate or The Burning Plain... hell, in the latter, she opens the movie with full nudity, so that must be art... Or at least art-IS-AN.So as far as I could discern the story basically follows Theron as she receives some imaginary mission from Marge from Fargo -- who has since had an abortion and apparently pinched her wig from Ronald McDonald after a heavy night with hookers -- and then runs around from place to place having LSD-inspired action scenes.People have inexplicable superpowers for no reason whatsoever, and half the story happens inside Theron's obviously drug-addled mind.I honestly don't remember the film all that well, due to the protective amnesiac walls I've constructed in my mind around the traumatic experience, but here's an example of how bad this movie gets:Theron ends up in a prison cell at some point, and of course we can't have the hero in jail, can we? Coz that's kinda boring with very little opportunity for side boob.So, with a seductive whistle that'd make even the most dehydrated stallion take a whiz, Theron summons a swarm of mercury droplets, which solidify, roll to her, and blow a hole in the cell wall.Firstly, why a whistle? It's so pissy! Couldn't she have done her little Magneto-ripoff trick with some kind of sexy naked dance or something?Second, where did all those metal droplets came from? I mean, did the T-1000 flop open a particularly raunchy copy of US Robotics magazine and shoot liquid metal jizz all over the facility?Anyway, eventually she learns she's a clone, and that all of humanity is surviving through cyclical human cloning, and she's like, against that... for some reason... but at that point who could even care?So of course they destroy the floating cloning facility, which just happens to be humanity's last hope for ongoing inter-generational survival. Yes, our hero pretty much extincts the entire human race in this one. Nice one, Theron. Thanks a bunch!Let's face it, if you know a little bit of Illuminati conspiracy theory you know the whole story anyway. This one ticks all the boxes, mind control references, apocalyptic future setting, people as slaves, cloning, transhumanism, duality and more eyeball close-ups than you'd find at a Skeksis banquet.Seriously, can't these Illuminati dude just issue a press release and spare us the acid trip movies?Anyway, we don't need to delve into conspiracy to prove this movie is a bunch of unentertaining white noise from start to finish. 3 stars, all of which are for side boob.Note: This review is a modified version of our Video Review: "Aeon Flux - A Popcorn Lobotomy Scathing Review". You can find it here, should you be interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ7ZOQWPieM

Now, let me get this straight--Charlize Theron, easily the most beautiful "movie star" since Natalie Wood, got banged up pretty badly making Aeon Flux? Some risks are simply too great. Aeon Flux is one of the dumbest futuristic/dystopian/heroine- somersaulting-around-in-a-sprayed-on-spandex-thingy wastes of two hours I have seen. Flux (just saying it makes me chuckle at what the movie makers tried to do to me, as in, rhymes-with) is an old- fashioned 70s-sort of idiocy that reminded me, a bit, of John Boorman's Zardoz. It actually wants to be taken seriously, but how am I supposed to do anything other than mutter "jeez-louise" when Frances McDormand pops up wearing a Julia Roberts fright-mane, another character shows off her surgically implanted hands where her feet were, and Theron, demonstrating athleticism instead of dramatic talent, looks as if she's suffering from a stunt injury?I saw Aeon Flux on the Scify channel a few days ago. I admire how it appears that the network was able to cram the movie into 88 minutes without losing any crappiness. I don't admire how a cynical piece of garbage like this could get green-lighted. The cynicism comes in the form of assuming that audiences would just flock to see a live- action comic book with Charlize Theron non-acting in a whole-body Speedo. It's a decade since this movie came out; just enough time for the principals to forget their involvement. I'm not so lucky.

Three different administrations at Paramount were coming and going before Aeon Flux hit screens. Inheriting a film they could care less about, the talented director Karyn Kusama had the film taken away from her in post and Aeon Flux had major surgery done to it. 25 minutes were cut, characters entirely cut out and the result is a very pretty film, but a film that just doesn't make any damn sense. After Paramount's gutting, it was dumped with little fanfare and no screenings for critics. The visuals keep this watchable, but most of the film is like watching an action test pattern. Any depth on every character must have been cut out and Frances McDormand's hair dresser must have had a nervous breakdown before sending her out to the set. In it's current state, Aeon Flux plays like an outline of a film with not an ounce of emotion, heart or depth. I'd like to say a director's cut would be nice at some point, but honestly I'd rather Kusama make a far better project with better material.