Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex *But Were Afraid to Ask (1972)

Thanks for the memories!

Absolutely the worst movie.

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Yes. Of course, I fully realize that this "Woody Allen" picture is, in fact, a wacky sex-farce... And, yes, it did contain some genuinely funny moments....But, with that said - If I were an alien-being visiting this planet and if I were to watch this movie (not knowing exactly what human sex was all about), I would honestly think that this much-lauded act called "sex" was undoubtedly one of the stupidest things in this world. I really would.In other words - If you are someone who has heard about sex, but you are completely clueless about it all - This movie will leave you even more clueless about it than you already are. I'm not kidding.Apparently at the absolute top of his game (as director/writer/actor of comedy) when this picture was first released in 1972 - I had never realized just how disappointing a "Woody Allen" picture could be until I viewed this flaccid, impotent offering of his.I mean, this movie doesn't even come close to being a celebration of the humour of sex, at all. No way. This is nothing more than a childish gloating over the utter stupidity of sex.... What more can I say?

ADAPTATIONS OF ANY literary work is usually a complex transition from the print medium to that of the screen. By necessity, moving an established work from one medium to another will, by necessity, inevitably leave many details out. Even worse, rewriting for purpose of adaptation often leads to the horrors of R-E-V-I-S-I-O-N!! WITH THE COMING of this Woody Allen film, only the title remains. Topics that were subject of chapters of American Physician, Dr. David Reuben, were transformed into a series of episodic vignettes patterned on and titled by the particular chapter subject matter. This format's visual realization results in what could best be described as series of disparate comedy shorts that only are bound together by their subject matter (S-E-X!!) and the film's writer/director/performer, Woody Allen.BEING ONE OF Mr. Allen's true fans of his earlier work, we rank this very high on the list of his movies. It may have even come at the period of time when he was at his cinematic best. It was then that he gave us titles such as: THDE SLEEPER, BSANANAS, TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN and LOVE AND DEATH. OUR FAVOURITE SEGMENTS are those which featured Gene Wilder, John Caradine and Woody (himself) as a para-trooping sperm cell.

This is seven segments of weird stories about sex. They are basically extended skits and with varying degrees of success.1.Do Aphrodisiacs Work? Woody Allen is a court jester and Lynn Redgrave is the Queen with a chastity belt. I like this one for Woody and Lynn. They have some fun together.2.What Is Sodomy? Gene Wilder and a sheep is a one joke skit. It runs out of steam and don't go anywhere truly surprising.3.Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching an Orgasm? The Italian is funny for about 5 seconds. Then it becomes style over substance. Other than a malfunctioning dildo, I don't think any of it is particularly funny.4.Are Transvestites Homosexuals? Sam Musgrave (Lou Jacobi) is a middle-aged married man trying out women's clothes. It's dated and it's also missing Woody. I can only imagine Woody trying to hide his cross dressing.5.What Are Sex Perverts? It's a black and white parody of the TV game show What's My Line? It's a bit weird as if in a surreal alternate universe.6.Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate? Researcher Victor (Woody Allen) and reporter Helen Lacey (Heather MacRae) are going to Dr. Bernardo (John Carradine), a former colleague of Masters and Johnson. He's got an assistant named Igor. It's classic Woody dealing with a madman. Carradine is hilarious as a Frankenstein-like character.7.What Happens During Ejaculation? This takes a look at a man's body like a NASA operation with many characters controlling him. This is the best segment and has the iconic sperm-Woody. This is by far the funniest. Woody left the best for last.

In the late 1960s one Dr David Reuben released a book entitled EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX *BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK. Woody Allen's 1972 "movie adaptation" uses the questions of Dr Reuben's question-and-answer format as the titles for 7 comedic sketches all on sexual themes. This was Allen's third conventional film, and his growing importance in Hollywood is evident from the film's all-star cast.The opening "Do Aphrodisiacs Work?", set in medieval times, has Woody Allen as a court jester who seeks to seduce the queen. Most of the humour here consists of anachronism: the jester's jokes are too bad for even a borscht belt comedian, and the dialogue consists of Elizabethian stylings mixed with sexual terminology and crude slang from the present.The following sketch, "What is Sodomy?", is for many viewers the very best. A New York City general practitioner (Gene Wilder) is visited by an Armenian shepherd who begs the doctor to restore the magic to his relationship with a cherished sheep. What ensues, with the doctor descending ever deeper into madness, is made hilarious by Wilder's committed performance and the dialogue is immensely quotable. Another high point of the film is "Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching an Orgasm?". Shot in black and white and with an Italian dialogue, the segment is Allen's homage to the cool ambiance of Antonioni and Fellini. Allen plays a suave, sunglasses-wearing film director who cannot manage to satisfy his wife, played by Louise Lasser, until they begin having risky sex in public places. The fun comes not only in the challenges the man must face in making his wife happy, but also in Allen's ridiculous accent while speaking Italian.In "Are Transvestites Homosexuals?", Lou Jacobi plays a man who sneaks upstairs while at a dinner party in order to wear his hostess' clothes, and subsequently gets himself deeper and deeper in trouble. It's humorous enough, but one wonders if this segment were stronger when the film was first released. Judging from its high frequency in big Hollywood films of the 1960s and early 1970s, cross-dressing must have once been a much funnier concept in that era. The following "What Are Sex Perverts?" is a parody of the game show What's My Line? where a panel of minor celebrities try to guess the perversion of a contestant, who wins $5 for every wrong guess. This is quite funny, but far too brief, as the concept could have been stretched out a bit more."Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate?" is a Frankenstein parody where Allen and Heather MacRae play recently acquainted sex researchers who meet a great sexologist (John Carradine), only to discover that he's a diabolical madman. The first half of this segment is pretty funny, as Allen and MacRae make their way through the doctor's castle of horrors. But the second half, when the pair seeks to defeat a giant breast ravaging the countryside, is some of the lamest humour I've seen in some time.The characters of the last segment, "What Happens During Ejaculation?", are personifications of the organs as a man goes on a date with a woman. The brain is depicted as a NASA mission control, with Tony Randall and Burt Reynolds struggling to coordinate bodily functions. They call down to the stomach (men carting off a newly-arrived load of fettucini), and the genitals (blue-collar joes working an enormous pump), as well as other places. Much here will make you chuckle, such as the captured "saboteur" of the man's sexual ambitions, his conscience, depicted as a priest in a Roman collar, and Allen's performance as a sperm cell terrified of making the leap into the unknown. All in all, however, I find this quite dated as well.While my overall impressions is that EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX is quite dated, it's funny enough, and the portions with Allen as an Italian lover and Wilder as a befuddled doctor make it worth seeing at least once.