I Hate Valentine's Day (2009)

Such a frustrating disappointment

Really Surprised!

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

I voted this movie a 5 only because I generally like John Corbett, but I wouldn't recommend it even for a "bad movies" night. It is disgustingly sweet (and I'm a romantic), full of clichés and stereotypes and so predictable that they should've put a spoiler alert before the first scenes. From the other flicks I've seen with her, it was obvious Nia Vardalos is a BAD actress (and apparently a bad director as well) and she definitely topped the cake with this one. She lacks any kind of expression, except the fake, creepy smile that comes with every line she delivers and the acting in general in way overdone. One of the very few funny moments was the name of Greg's bar, but she didn't take advantage of that either. The only good things in this movie are the pretty flowers and the nice ending song. Make yourself a favor and watch RoboCop instead.

Nia Vardalos and John Corbett had chemistry in My Big Fat Greek Wedding like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail. To my greatest dismay, their chemistry was off in this film.Nia plays the flower shopkeeper who everyone loves - but she wears a smiley facade as well as any scarf or dress she owns. John Corbett, the suave-but-not-too-handsome tapas-restaurant owner who needs a pick-me-up in life, works down the way. The problem - flower shop girl does not believe in love and tries to teach her friends and fellow business owners her 5-step-plan to have the perfect dating relationship.Although this movie had the elements for a funny love story and the actors were suited for the part, the aspect of funny was muddled by the deeper emotional baggage divorce causes than the movie could handle.

Seriously. I think directors work with so many altered stars nowadays they take immobile foreheads for granted. It's why the movie feels so fake; that, and a serious lack of acting skills. Nia's immobile forehead and huge eyes and Stepfordesque, unending warm smile made her look like she was on Xanax. John Corbett's forehead was almost as flat. Creepy. And yet the director was intently focusing on their faces for a large percentage of this film. The writing actually was standard rom-com fare; tolerable, but only Jay O. Sanders as the floral delivery man showed his acting chops and came off as a real person. Yet even he was forced to participate in an eye-roll inducing, 'goofy' 'romantic' ending that you would expect from this script. Every single other performance was wooden. The major disappointment was that this film was chock full of actual funny comedians being used for straight roles. Did not work. I had to write this review because I just got HBO and I'm the type of person who will watch a bad movie all the way through. I think it might be a disorder of some type.Anyhoo, that movie was so bad and I was so angry with myself for watching all of it, that I wanted some payback in the form of a silly negative review. That and I want to spare others the pain and anger that I felt when the credits started rolling. Lastly, if you're going to write a clichéd story of a woman who hides her abandonment issues behind layers of quirky eccentricity, try to hire a really good writer who can convincingly work a cliché into a story so that it's not so bloody obvious.

One thing that I've noticed about a lot of comedies lately is a lack of comic energy. This movie has a nice energy, but unfortunately, it's not well written enough to back that up. The performances are okay--Nia Vardalos is a little too perky, and John Corbett pretty much plays the same character over and over again, so he's pretty good in this (he's had practice).Basically, the formula for a classic romantic comedy is: Good energy/pacing + impeccable performances + amazing writing.This movie doesn't really have the latter two, so it was doomed from the get-go--at best it will find a good run on Lifetime.Sorry.