Dead Cert (2010)

Such a frustrating disappointment

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Freddy (Craig Fairbrass) is married into the mob. He is their main strong man. His wife (Lisa McAllister) is attempting to get pregnant. Her brother Eddie Christian (Dexter Fletcher) is the owner of a gentleman's club and runs a fight club which features his brother Dennis.The Romanian mafia who want the club are extra strong and have a hypnotic effect on people. The two groups enter into a drug deal and soon the Romanians get control of the nightclub. At this point, in the battle of the bad guys, I started rooting for the vampires over the Brits. One crazy man, Kenny Mason (Steven Berkoff), who was a squatter over the site of the club long ago knows the secret of the vampires.The high action packed vampire film suggested by the DVD cover doesn't materialize until late. This is more of an adult "Twilight" for British mobsters. The acting was good. I enjoyed the "realism" of the script, as a change from more traditional vampire movies. The movie had potential. The soundtrack they used during the credits would have been better during the film. The important scenes were too quick and not memorable. Makes for an okay rental, but nothing more.F-bomb, no sex, no nudity (scantily clad dancers).

Not only does ex-East End wrong 'un turned legit entrepreneur Freddy 'Dead Cert' Frankham (Craig Fairbrass) lose his best friend in a bare-knuckle smack-down with ruthless head-case Yuvesky (Dave Legeno), but he also loses his livelihood, having unwisely staked his business (strip club The Paradise, which somehow boasts one of the best rooftop views in London) in a wager against Romanian gangster Dante Livenko (Billy Murray). More than a little miffed, Freddy and his dodgy mates decide to seek retribution for their pal's demise and take back what was theirs, only to discover that Livenko and his thugs are vampires.Brit gangster/vampire flick Dead Cert hardly explores new ground, essentially being a fairly low-budget Cockney retread of 90s Tarantino/Rodriguez genre mash-up From Dusk Till Dawn. But despite scoring low in the originality department, the film still manages to be reasonably entertaining enough nonsense for its duration thanks to its colourful collection of criminals performed by a veritable Who's Who of affordable London actors. The film's splendid cast includes Dexter Fletcher and Jason Flemyng, counts no less than three ex-Eastenders stars amongst its number (Murray, Fairbrass, and Ricky Grover), and also features the likes of Steven Berkoff, Perry Benson ('Dad' from Mum & Dad), and Danny-bloody-Dyer, making this film more Cockney than a pearly king and queen eating jellied eels in Bethnal Green. Watching these guys do their thing is a blast.Where the film doesn't work quite so well is in pulling off the awkward genre switchover from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels style gangster shenanigans to vampire flick: the change comes way too late in the day and is all too sudden, leaving viewers no time to adjust to the shift and giving the film little opportunity to make the most of its horror aspect. Other negatives include a lack of nudity from the busty beauties who work in the Paradise (for a strip club, there ain't much skin on show) and Billy Murray not bothering to adopt a Romanian accent (the makers were obviously so pleased to have him on board they wrote an excuse for this into the script). A few juicy stakings and a unique solution to the vampire problem go some way to compensating for these less than perfect elements in the film's finalé.

I have not yet seen this movie but for somebody to say British accents are a problem is totally pathetic! If you are not British or do not understand Engish then yes you may have a problem! Us British make some of the best movies there are without necessarily needing a big Hollywood budget or name. We make them based on quality of acting and script etc and do not necessarily need special effects and big Hollywood names! This person who said this in his review should have it removed as he has no idea what he is talking about!Again I cannot comment at this stage on the movie but felt compelled to remark on a such a shallow idiot like this who needs an eduction it seems!

It's always dangerous to mix to genres together especially when it has been done before. Face it, if you watch this British production then you surely will be reminded of From Dusk Till Dawn. Here we have gangsters in the first 45 minutes fighting against some Romanian thug. But once the Romanians have taken over the property of the Brits the Brits decide to take it all back. Wrong, the Romanians aren't just criminals, they are creatures of the night. So far so good. The positive thing is the fact that it's spoken in cockney accent and I like that accent very much. Naturally they use slang but for those not understanding it all they included subs. The actors are all well known faces in the UK scene and some you will recognise from for example Perry Banson who played dad in Mum And Dad. Craig Fairbrass from Devil's Playground and others due appeared in blockbusters like Clash Of The Titans. So the acting was believable.My only problem was the fact that it took a bit of time before the vampires arrived. Once they were there the red stuff do flows but it never becomes gory and sadly some of the red stuff is CGI. It's a weird flick, the chicks look awesome at the club and the acting was okay but it did lack a bit of real horror. Nevertheless, it was great to see all those actors together but the story failed a bit...Fun to see Eleanor James again, sadly she didn't say anything and was only at the background. Common, you can do better...Gore 2/5 Nudity 0/5 Story 2/5 Effects 2/5 Comedy 0/5