Texas Across the River (1966)

Brilliant and touching

Absolutely the worst movie.

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

I had forgotten how campy this movie was. The sound effects were really amusing. I saw this at the Houston Premiere in 1966 with my mom and aunt. Dean Martin was there in the movie theater. I guess I remember that more than the actual movie! LOL But it is really fun to watch on a lazy Saturday morning.

I had missed out on this when it was shown as a weekday matinée' on Italian TV ages ago; while not particularly outstanding, it's a thoroughly engaging (and attractively shot, mostly in exteriors) Western spoof with an amiable and willing cast led by Dean Martin (typically relaxed playing a Texan cattleman), Alain Delon (handsome and charming as a Spanish aristocrat), Rosemary Forsyth (her Southern belle is delightful), Tina Marquand (a cute Indian squaw) and Joey Bishop (in the role of Martin's wisecracking "Kronk" sidekick).Though the latter is nominally entrusted with carrying the film's comic relief, the other redskins ("Comanche") actually provide the funniest moments – especially the antics of the chief's inept son (trying at one point to shoot a flaming arrow, he contrives to set his Dad's feathered cap on fire!). Also notable is a scene in which a medicine man alienated in tracking heroes' moves from afar bumps his head against a tree branch, not to mention the amusing charging command of the cavalry unit after Delon – who's accused of murder – which is so muddled that not even all the soldiers themselves are able to comprehend it! The film leads to a pretty good climax – actually redolent of RED RIVER (1948) – as Martin and Delon about to engage one another in duel can't even agree on whether to do it the official way (stand back to back, walk ten paces in opposite directions, then turn and shoot) or Western-style (face each other at opposite ends of the street, walk closer and then draw). However, the girls (Delon had been engaged to marry Forsyth but, in the meantime, she's caught Martin's attention – which he tries to turn to his advantage by keeping his fever going, after being shot with an arrow, for three days straight – while the Spaniard has Marquand, whom he has saved from certain death, gushing over him) have it out between themselves, though it's actually a ruse to put a stop to the intended showdown between their respective men. Delon is subsequently tried and convicted (with judge and defense counsel being the victim's brothers!), but Forsyth contrives to demonstrate how it was all an accident; to cap everything, oil is struck soon after while a grave is being dug for the aristocratic Spaniard! Curiously enough, just as SKIN GAME (1971) – the comic Western I preceded this with – the film features an incongruous but agreeable lounge score (by DeVol). In conclusion, another Dean Martin Western I own but have yet to watch also hinges on a dynamite star combo i.e. FIVE CARD STUD (1968) with Robert Mitchum – as does, for that matter, ROUGH NIGHT IN JERICHO (1967; with George Peppard) which I might also be able to get my hands on in the not-so-distant future (for the record, I'm not familiar with this one either).

I generally hate westerns because they bore me to death within seconds. But I started watching this movie with my father, who loves westerns, and I actually never got bored watching it. It kept my interest the whole time and constantly made me laugh. I didn't give it a 10 because of some of the "editing" practices they had so long ago but other than that it's a great movie.I couldn't believe how well the writers were back then. To be able to come up with such comedy so simple and so fluid without having to make it "stupid" funny, like most of the comedies we make now, it's very refreshing and amazing to see.A+ movie.

Don Andre de Baldasare was set to marry Pheobe Ann Naylor of Louisiana; after an affair of honor goes wrong, he has to flee across the river, into the wilds of Texas. Once arrived, he meets encounters Sam Hollis and his Indian sidekick, the Karonkawa Indian, Kronk, who are transporting rifles to the town of Moccasin Flats. Don Andrea rescues an Indian maiden, Lonetta, uses Spanish skills to tame longhorns, becomes Sam's rival for Phoebe's affections, heads off a band of angry Comahces and runs continually from the cavalry (who have come to Moccasin Flats to celebrate Texas' statehood but mostly charge after him in gallant groups). At the end of the film, the man Sam calls "Baldy" saves the town and also gets his girl--but which one wins him? In this cheerful and frequently hilarious screenplay, Alain Delon is very funny and understated as Don Baldasare, Dean Martin is a bit too-old as Sam Hollis perhaps but shows his excellent comedic timing in the likable role. Rosemary Forsyth is vivacious and very pretty as Phoebe Ann, Southern accent and all; Peter Graves and Andrew Prince lead the cavalry, to whom Graves continually issues orders such as "To the rur, har!" which no one understands any more than they can penetrate Kronk's Indian sayings, delivered deadpan and rather beautifully by Joey Bishop. Others in the large cast include Tina Aumont as the Indian girl, Michael Ansara as the Indian chief pursuing them, and Linden Chiles as his physically- inept son, Stuart Anderson, Roy Barcroft, George Wallace, Don Beddoe,.Kelly Thordsen, Nora Marlowe, and John Harmon. Director Michael Gordon kept the action and the laughs coming despite much of the film being filmed out-of-doors. the bright cinematography was supplied by veteran Russell Metty, the script by "Maverick" TV series alumnus Wells Root and Harold Greene, and the art direction was done by William D. DeCinces and Alexander Golitzen. Set decorations were supplied by John McCarthy Jr. and  James Redd; the vivid costume designs were created by Helen Colvig and Rosemary Odell. This is a personal favorite of mine as a writer, breezy in dialogue and attractively colorful and often amusing. I recommend it for repeated viewing, for its spaciousness and its intelligent comedy, its style and its infectious and fantasy-free good humor.