2012: Ice Age (2011)

Admirable film.

One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

(Warning, this review is long. If you survived the movie, this review will be like a breath of fresh air.) Where do I even begin?Seriously, they should have paid me to watch this movie. I watched it for free on Netflix, (thank the good Lord), only because I love apocalyptic movies. Afterwards, I had to watch I Am Legend and read these reviews to feel any semblance of satisfaction. It's like cough syrup. Immediately after taking, you need to take something else to get that terrible taste out of your mouth.......except the emotional trauma inflicted by this movie is lingering.....much like the Aids virus.I created an IMDb account just to review this movie, and have never reviewed a movie like this before. It's just that bad.Let's start with special effects. The best special effect in this entire movie is the ending credits. The second best effect is when some hott college chick has a piece of glass sticking in her head. All the CGI cars, the horrid looking glacier, the unforgivable fake snow and snowfall, the chunks of ice flying through the air, the explosions, which I swear were just cheap fireworks shots without the cool colors, the planes….it was as if the director's blind, mute, and deaf grandmother did them.The effects of this movie were vile, wicked, and basically a sin. The only person I know of who would think these effects were not that bad would be the media director in my church...he has no eye for anything artistic, and it seems like he purposely chooses the absolute worst photos/videos that he can when making material for our church.....must like the makers of this film. Let's touch on the acting and general motivation behind this train wreck. I think the makers of this joke made a bet. I think the bet was, "I bet you can't make a movie worse than old time silent movies, while drunk, high, and over dosing on crack cocaine while simultaneously suffocating in space." To which the retarded toddler of the director replied, "Challenge accepted." The acting is akin to...a lion tearing apart its prey. Although that makes sense and has a purpose. This joke must have been career enders to these poor actors, or their careers were already in the crapper, and they took this job knowing things couldn't get any worse for them. I have literally seen better acting and more believable story lines in pornography. This joke was obviously a rip off of The Day After Tomorrow, which is a liberal's wet dream made into a movie. Now let's visit the unbelievable plot and sequences. I love the reused scenes. Roads were clear in the middle of a blizzard. They find some random guy and his son, and the guy is "trapped" under a metal shelf so incredibly heavy a parapalegic could push off of himself. Yes. A parapalegic could have pushed it off.Then the plane takes off in heavy snow, even though the runway is under several inches of snow. Oh my God, then when he lands the plane, there's a commercial airliner taking off in even more heavy snowfall, when we already heard that all air travel was grounded. Then fuel was pouring out of the plane, even though he said they almost ran completely out of fuel, and somehow, in the snow, this plane blows up, and we see no damage what so ever to the plane itself. Witchcraft I tell you! Witchcraft!I love how the dad doesn't run in his van and drive off when some creepy lunatic is trying to talk to him. I love how they can run across solid ice with no problems. I love how the autistic son only cares about being on his laptop and accessing the internet. I love how they get cell signal and GPS signal in a terrible storm, with a glacier traveling 200 mph crushing everything in its path. I love how the son has magically advanced technology to track his sister with a cell phone. I love how they find her so quickly. I love how the statue in front of the Rockefeller got destroyed, and the ball rolled into the building with the hott college chick and her boyfriend, in NEW JERSEY. Literally just rolled right across the street. I love how the dad is looking for his daughter and starts shooting in the air with a gun he found on some randomly frozen-to-death cop on a random staircase, like that would make me think, "Well, gunfire, people screaming, of course that's my dad looking for me!" I always tear up at movie events like this. Instead, I was hoping for one of those tic tacs to fall from the sky and crush them. I literally did not care about this family at all. And the ending......dear God, the ending! This retarded dad DRIVES TOWARDS THE GLACIER to get into the statue of liberty for safe harbor after finding his daughter and everyone hugging each other for what seems like a half hour. His car smacks into the base of the statue, and everyone is able to open their doors with no problem, even though one side of the car was crashed into the base! Then they get into the statue, and go up the same staircase for several shots. Then the glacier HITS THE STATUE with absolutely no impact and no destruction, and just stops. This powerful, 1000 mile wide chunk of ice is magically stopped by a couple missiles and the statue of liberty. This movie was so bad it made me angry…literally angry…but I finished. It's so bad it's hilarious. If you want to watch a comedy that's not supposed to be a comedy, like the first Aliens vs. Predator movie, then check out this masterpiece! Watch this movie with friends and family just so you can make fun of it together. Enjoy!

Ishtar(1987) scored higher (4.0)Let me state at the outset, I was thinking pencils up the nose Mr. Blutarsky - 0.0, but, alas, there is no such rating. I cannot blame the actors. To them it's JUST a paycheck and no one in that group is going anywhere. So then, I thought - maybe it's a spoof, but it's ON THE SCI-FI Channel. Nope, not a spoof. (If Anna Faris showed up, then I would wonder if the SCI-FI Channel changed its charter.) After a while, I would toggle to the weather channel just to relieve the pain. Then, I thought what would happen if I met my maker while watching this crap. STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR WASTING MY LIFE. Finally, I just had to see if it could get worse. It did. Thus, I take back my 1.0. MY RATING FOR THIS IS ZERO POINT ZERO !!!! DO NOT WATCH THIS "VIDEO"; YOU'LL NEVER GET THE TIME BACK AND YOU CAN DO BETTER SPENDING IT IN THE TOILET READING ANYTHING or CREATING YOUR OWN VIDEO. P.S. - This is the lowest rating I have ever given.

Bad acting, bad effects, general stupidity. It's a cheap knock-off of "The Day After Tomorrow" and it's really not worth seeing. The logic is flawed, where a minivan can outrun a glacier said to be 200 mph. And the teenage son, Nelson, apparently gets internet. While flying in the air during an "ice age" where a glacier has wiped out a lot of places. Wouldn't everything, including power and all of that, go down?Nelson seemed to be more like a spoiled ten year old than whatever age he's supposed to be. His laptop was more important to him than anything else and concerning the danger that they were supposedly in ... The father seemed like the person you should not go to when in crisis. He barely pays attention to anything, and actually puts his family in danger by flying in this sort of weather. I'm pretty sure that the plane wouldn't remain in the air with so many twisters and things like that ... When the family stopped to talk about the people on the side of the road, the people just continued to stand there. They seemed more like cardboard people. They probably couldn't afford real extras. I would have thought they'd go up to the car or do something. I'd imagine normal people would have been trying to flag them down for help if they saw a car driving past. Instead of listening to what people were telling them and going west, they decide to go save the daughter, Julia, from what they see as near-death. And once they learn Manhattan was hit, they still think she's there? They seem to think she's really stupid.I wasn't paying much attention at that point, but where the hell did he get a gun?When the boyfriend of the daughter, Logan, tells her that his dad's in Oslo which was one of the first places hit, he looks so unemotional that I had to stop myself from hitting my head repeatedly on a table. The acting is that horrible.Anyways, yeah. This isn't a movie I'd see again.

I purposely registered on this site so I could review this awful movie. In fact, I turned the projector off midway through the film because I literally could not stand to watch another second. The point where the father told his wife and son to get out of the car after some idiot was trying to get a ride to California was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was finished with this whole mess that's laughingly called a film. The actors, especially the father and the mother are horrific. I can't even call them actors because my 6th graders can perform better than they. The father looks like he should be playing in a comedy. He's way to pudgy and stupid looking to portray a serious role. It was so annoying how he kept trying to keep the helicopter operator on the phone. It actually looked like a radio that the helicopter operator was using. At any rate, the overall acting was sad. The mother obviously has never performed in front of a camera. The son was the least poor actor, and that's really being generous. I was so upset by the poor quality of this film that I couldn't go to sleep without posting this review. With all the great writers, actors, producers and directors in the industry, how in the world did this piece of trash ever make it to the screen. I'm sure it's only been on the internet via Netflix. I can't imagine a movie theater ever considering showing trite like this. Well, that was cathartic. I can now go to sleep. I had to get this off my chest. I watch a lot of movies through cable and the internet, and I have to say this is the least enjoyable film I have ever had the displeasure to watch.