Asteroid vs Earth (2014)

Touches You

One of my all time favorites.

I'll tell you why so serious

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

This movie was so bad that everyone involved should be prosecuted and imprisoned for crimes against humanity.Just kidding, but it really was that bad.I thought with some big stars like Tim Russ (Tuvok, Star Trek Voyager) and Robert Davai (Kholia, Stargate Atlantis) then it should be at least bearable. Nope. Nothing even close.Coming from a career in the military, the military characters and dialogue were horrific. Not the worst I've seen but still really bad.The Asylum "was" progressing slowly but surely towards better movies, but this was a step back. Even for the Asylum.Save your time, save your money, and just skip this. Trust me, if you watch this you'll wish you had taken my advice.

An asteroid is discovered to be on a collision course with Earth. This one is 200 miles wide; comparatively, the one thought to have wiped out the dinosaurs was only six miles wide. Ouch. For some nonsensical reasons, it is decided to move Earth out of the way. Earthquakes are set to "blow up the Yap Trench" and save the planet. Taking the planet Earth out of its orbit and rotation would also kill everyone, but nobody seems to care. US military officials abduct undersea deep sea geophysicist Tia Carrere (as Marissa Knox) and nuclear submarine pilot Jason Brooks (as Chase Seward) to assist in moving Earth. They were just about to have sex, but Earth comes first...Science fiction at its worst. Christopher Douglas Olen Ray unsteadily directs this woefully haphazard disaster movie. The plot makes no scientific sense; grade-school knowledge about Earth and the solar system are, apparently, forgotten by college students. While writer Adam Lipsius scores points with diverse characters, they have little chemistry and no community. Several take the assignment too seriously. This may be why less seasoned performers like Charles Byun (as Evan "Telly" Kitsias) outperform elders like Robert Davi (as Jim Masterson). The most memorable co-stars, Wade F. Wilson and Craig Blair (as Rudy and Terry), never appear on screen together.** Asteroid vs Earth (4/29/14) Christopher Ray ~ Jason Brooks, Tia Carrere, Robert Davi, Wade F. Wilson

Very bad, but not outright unwatchable.Contrary to other reviews I found that gay lieutenant to be the ONLY plausible story element.If you love physics or science in general - do not watch this movie.Otherwise if you are able to suspend your disbelief so much it floats into outer space at warp speed - you can give it a try.I enjoyed it *kinda*. It was so bad, it was almost good, but not really. It is definitely above Asylum "average" quality, but I must agree that "it could be worse" is an adequate assessment here, and not a very encouraging one. Maybe it would go better after few beers.

OK, Asylum is known for pretty bad flicks. Sharknado is one of the better of the lot IMHO. This movie is pretty far fetched, the acting sucks, and a lot of canned footage used. BUT I enjoyed the interior sub footage - we're talking "super low budget"! Ever see PC monitors and 'puters, dryer vent hosing, loose wiring draped down from the ceiling or a teletype machine on a sub? And a gay XO? Give me a break... And blasting the ship in two? What a hoot! Also, I liked the mylar aluminum radiation suit (unzipped!) and the lieutenant telling gunny "I was talking to Terry." Gunny says "we know"... sadly the intern dies, making things dire. Then the Saipan volcano saves the day.