The Adventures of Panda Warrior (2012)

Too much of everything

Sadly Over-hyped

Fresh and Exciting

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

A total ripoff of Kung Fu Panda but...only in the fact of an animated warrior panda who doesn't really know he's a 'warrior', or special etc., other than that there's really no comparison; though I'm quite sure it tried. The English script (probably a rough translation of the Mandarin and/or Cantonese) is written, in my point-of-view, for either four year olds or morons; I can't really decide. The reason: the film keeps explaining everything; sometimes more than once so one can understand what's going on.I don't really care about quality of animation as long as the story is engaging. The story in this isn't engaging, in the least. Since the script sucks, and the story sucks, you're then focused on the animation and it's (at that point) dreadfully awful. This film started to really bore me 16 minutes and 34 seconds in. That's terrible. Also, if a Comedy, I didn't laugh a single time. 25 minutes in there's a talking...um...twig, or something that can fire flames out of its head. It looked more like feces. A lot like this film. Place the twig on a front porch, it'll flame itself <--- while stupid, still funnier than this trite of a film.I have no idea what this film was supposed to be about. I mean, it is explained to you 12 minutes in. 29 minutes in they have a "Go Go Power Rangers!" moment. The hippo is probably the worst; the hippo keeps saying "I'm a river horse" and that he's not a hippopotamus. In Latin "hippo" translates to 'horse'; "potamós" translates to 'river'. So, basically this film is teaching four year olds (or morons) that 'hippopotamus' and 'river horse' do not mean the same thing.I literally wanted to gouge out my eyes and damage my ears by the 39 minute mark. I didn't and continued but stopped to have a pack of cigarettes (don't smoke kids, cigarettes and movies like this will give you cancer) well, one cigarette but this film made it feel like a pack. I almost wished I had alcohol in the house. I've been sober for almost 10 years but this film makes me want to drink again. Awful. Dude, I watched this on a streaming channel (a popular one) and they had the time written wrong. It said 1 hour 8 minutes but it actually was 1 hour 18 minutes...I didn't realize this until I paused for another cigarette 48 minutes in. I know what you're thinking, "Why watch it to the end if it's so bad?" 'Cause a review, even one by me (which probably aren't that good), needs to provide hope if there is any, and if not...that, too. There is no hope. They had some type of thing with the credits at the end; it was boring, too.

I have no Frikin idea what the Frikin hell I just watched. If you want to know how sh-rooms effect your brain watch this emotional roller coaster. Honestly this thing has horrible animation, the story is garbage and what the hell is that goat thing, or anything in this movie, I honestly wish i was on the drugs these people were on.