The Ninja Squad (1986)

Just perfect...

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

Another nugget of movie-making gold from the crazed minds of Godfrey Ho, Joseph Lai, and the must-be-fictional IFD script unit. This time our pal Richard Harrison (who is unnerving without his trademark moustache, just like a young Burt Reynolds or a post-Fawlty John Cleese) returns as Ninja Master Gordon to train a young lad named Billy in the mystical arts of ninjitsu.Unfortunately for Billy, he hasn't reckoned on the lack of job prospects for 18th century Japanese assassins down at the local labour exchange, and finds himself returning to his home town without money or gainful employment, and facing a gang of extortionist thugs threatening his poor old mother that if she doesn't find any cash they'll "burn down your f***in' house"!!! Class.Whilst young Billy wrestles with the domestic soap opera aspects of ninja existence, his master Gordon is entangled in conflict with the startling Ivan the Red (Dave Wheeler), who possesses an amazing costume, a ludicrously macho and husky dubbed voice, and a truly sensational bass-lead theme tune. Seriously: if they release "Ivan's Theme" i predict it as Christmas number one with full confidence. Ivan's challenge to Gordon to fight to the death for NINJA SUPREMACY is spurned, and so Mr. The Red decides to take out a number of random ninjas clad in outfits of varying ludicrousness as they "train" (jump about a bit) in various neighbouring fields. Obviously, we're all waiting for the final showdown between these two ninja colossi, and we aren't disappointed.Well, we are, to be honest, but as with all of these movies, it's the journey , not the destination, that matters. And when we've encountered such hilariously inept dialogue, thrillingly pounding basslines, and dubbing so bad it may well make you mentally ill along the way, who can possibly complain? Only the type of person who wouldn't even "revenge" their own mother.

The Ninja Squad is another Godfrey Ho Ninja flick that's so bad it's entertaining like the previous ones and the ones that came later. The Ninja squad is entertaining for several reasons, one is that the Ninja's costumes all have headbands with the word "Ninja" on, it's like they're pointing the obvious to the audience, another thing is that the Ninja's are all white males, no Japaniese Ninja's just white Ninja's which is funny since the Ninja originated from Japan so you'd think they'd have some Ninja's from Japan. Another thing is that the main character Billy has spent all this time being a Ninja yet he doesn't even dress up or use any Ninja skills, he just beats them up or uses Machine guns. The reason for this is simple, apparently Godfrey and Joespeh Lai found reels of unreleased Hong Kong movies so to make a quick bit if money they shot some Ninja scenes and edited it in to other films then re-dubbed the unreleased movie they was using to make it like it was connected to their Ninja movie, it does make sense since why does the films always have a Ninja plot and a non Ninja plot, wouldn't it just have one plot like American Ninja. That was a very interesting bit of information I found out because it does make more sense when watching these Godfrey Ho Ninja movies. One thing you've got to put your hats up for is Richard Harrison, he's been in so many of these Ninja movies I lost count. He must of been a good sport to star in these low budget movies, he must of known they were cheesy but he still did a great job and starred in them. Later he stated that it made him feel like a prostitute but he was in that many you can't blame him, most of them was shot in the same year. The film sees a young boy named Billy training with Ninja Master Gordon (Played by the great Richard Harrison.), years later Billy returns home to his family. Billy needs to find a job since being a Ninja doesn't qualify as a paying job, it makes you wonder why Billy decided to spend all that time training with Gordon if he's told to get a proper job but again the whole Billy plot was from another movie. Meanwhile Gordon gets a threat from a Ninja named Ivan the Red who challenges him, he declines so Ivan then goes around killing other Ninja's to make him the ultimate Ninja Warrior. The Ninja's in this movie get killed way to easy, just a slice in they're stomach and they're dead and the funny thing is there's no blood. I guess they couldn't afford fake blood effects, there are some movies where a guy gets stabbed and he's still alive. Anyway Billy meets a group of thugs and beats them up and so because of that the kill his mother so Billy decides to get his revenge, Billy also has other problem since his girlfriend's father doesn't like her being with him since "He's a Ninja and a very dangerous man." Ivan the Red keeps discarding these Ninja's until he gets to fight Gordon then he will try and kill Billy, Gordon gets ready to face Ivan the Red and stop him from becoming the ultimate Ninja Warrior.The Ninja Sqaud is another cheesy, low budget Ninja movie that's entertainingly funny and should be seen if you're in the mood for a laugh at some Z-grade fun. Check this out. 10/10

No - not by a long shot.It is, however, a film of two halves. On the one hand, we have a Chinese drug trafficing film, where a ninja called Billy is fighting to save his family from the evil gangsters who are terrorising them. This is randomly interrupted by some Ninja fighting scenes, involving western actors with headbands saying "Ninja" - the idea here is that Ivan the Red, the evil ninja, is killing another ninja once a month.Their ninja skills are very impressive, however, since they manage to kill their opposition without leaving even a trace of blood on the body or their sword. A more skeptical viewer might think, in fact, that the sword never even made contact with the enemy.Finally, all I can say is "Dub good". Halfway through the film we are introduced to a random women with an awful Southern drawl, who luckily gets killed soon afterwards, but shows just how awful the casting of the voice actors was.In conclusion, this film has got to be seen, if only to understand just how bad it is.

'Ninja Squad' is a truly bizarre film. There are two main plots - the main one being about Billy, a trainee ninja who appears to live somewhere in Indonesia and whose family is being terrorised by some gangsters. He has spent the last 10 years training as a ninja under 'The Master Ninja' who, oddly enough, is a blond-haired elderly white guy in a bright pink and silver shellsuit. In fact, all the ninjas (apart from billy) are all caucasian and all wear brightly coloured shellsuits and bands across their foreheads that say 'ninja'. An evil ninja called 'Red Ivan' is going around killing ninjas to try and prove he's better than 'The Master'. 'Red Ivan', by the way, has a bright red and gold jumpsuit.In the 'Billy' parts of the film, there isn't all that much hand-to-hand fighting - more of it is pitched gun battles. The brightly-coloured ninja bits have lots of slow-motion sword battles in them, but they're ultimately rather unsatisfying as the effects budget obviously didn't reach to fake blood.All in all a rather odd film (with a very bizarre ending) which was quite obviously a foreign film with some weird ninja stuff tacked on. Quite enjoyable, though.