As Good as Dead (1995)

I wanted to but couldn't!

Admirable film.

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Crystal Bernard is "As Good as Dead" in this 1995 film written and directed by Larry Cohen. Before the day of home computers, Larry Cohen's grammar school-aged daughter had to write a short report. Mr. Cohen used the typing agency where I worked to type his scripts. So on a Sunday, I took a cab to his beautiful home in New York City, got the hand-printed paper, went home, typed it, got in a cab and brought the typed paper back. We also typed a couple of scripts for him in the office. He would dictate them and take on the accent or emotion of the characters. I've followed his prolific career with great interest.In "As Good as Dead," Bernard plays Susan Warfield, who works in an office. She takes a hep, sick young woman, Nicole (Traci Lords) to the hospital and gives the desk her own insurance card so that Nicole can be treated. Otherwise, they would have to go to the county hospital.Susan tells her office she has to have surgery (as Nicole does) and then takes off on vacation so as not to run into anyone she knows. When she returns, Nicole, assumed to be Susan, is unexpectedly dead; Susan's apartment has been cleared out, and her job is gone. The strangest part of it is that a half-brother that Susan isn't aware she has made all the arrangements. Susan has no choice but to move into Nicole's apartment and wear Nicole's trendy, too short clothes until she can find out why Nicole died and who this mysterious half-brother is.This is actually quite an interesting film, very Lifetime, very TV movie, but entertaining with good performances. Bernard is likable, Lords is Lords, and Judge Reinhold does very well as an attractive man who becomes part of Nicole's (Susan's) life.Mr. Cohen's daughter is undoubtedly married now with children of her own. Though this film was made in 1995, he is still very active as a writer. Thanks to the computer, I'm still typing.

Larry Cohen has made some good films over the course his career. The films are mostly within the realms of the low budget horror sub-genre, but his films tend to be a cut above the norm. The likes of It's Alive and Maniac Cop stand up as the best films he's made to date. As his career moved on, however, it's evident that he didn't find it as easy to get work, hence this film; a made for TV thriller calling itself 'As Good as Dead'. No, it's not a description of the director's career at the time that this was made, but a thriller about a woman who, after loaning her insurance-less friend her medical insurance card, finds herself in trouble when said friend dies on the operating table. This puts our protagonist in a lot of trouble as she is, by all intents and purposes, dead to the world. However, it would seem that there's more to this story than meets the eye, and so she decides to take the identity of her dead friend while she gets to the bottom of the life-ruining riddle put in front of her.After about twenty minutes of boring character building (boring because the characters are boring), the film really starts and despite it's poor quality - and obvious TV fodder - production values, the film actually isn't that bad. It's rather routine, and although it's categorised as a 'thriller', the film low on shocks and thrills; but the plot moves nicely and engages you enough so that you care what's going to happen (which is more than what can be said for some highly acclaimed films). It's obvious throughout that the film was made for TV, and that's not a good thing as it gives it a very low quality feel. The acting isn't very good, but it's not terrible either. Crystal Bernard is fine at first, but as her character encounters change; she looks out of place. This is good on one hand, as that realistically expresses what her character would be like that situation; but on the other hand, it doesn't make for very good viewing as far as the audience is concerned. It's obvious that Judge Reinhold rates himself higher than he should be rated, and there's an underlying arrogance to his performance that shows that. Traci Lords doesn't get to do much, but as you'd expect for a porn star; she looks good doing it. On the whole, this isn't really worth seeing - but if you do catch it, at least it isn't awful.

I don't see the thrill in watching Crystal Bernard on screen. In this vehicle she impersonates a sex-pot. Her clothes alone, what there is of them, look like they shrunk on her in the wash. Her makeup is over the hill and she has this mop of hair that belongs in THE LION KING. Sorry, I just don't get it. Judge Reinhold has the male lead and I wonder why he did this loser. He's too good for this kind of trite written and directed by Larry Cohen. Then there's Traci Lords, the porn star which is why I wanted to watch it in the first place. However, she's only in the first part and sadly we are forced to watch Bernard the rest of the time. From 1-10 in TV movies I give it a 2.

If you are a cult addict like me, you'll love this film. This movie is from the same director who did the 70's cult film "Bone" (which i highly recommend). I love strange, cheesy, campy movies...And this is definitely one of them. If i wanted something serious or mainstream, I'd go rent a Julia Roberts film (that's if I could stand her). This movie is not to be taken seriously and it's pure enjoyment from beginning to end. Not a dull moment. Plus, Traci Lords is in it... how could you not expect it to be a campy movie? I'm waiting for this one to come out on DVD to add to my cult collection.