The Tomb (1986)

A lot more amusing than I thought it would be.

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

Tomb raider, John Banning (David O'Hara), bites off more than he can chew when immortal ancient Egyptian, Nefratis (Genre scream queen, Michelle Bauer) gets peeved that he stole from her and so follows him to America to wreck havok. Think of this film as a fifth-grade Indiana Jones crossed with a third-rate Mummy. Not among the best Fred Olen Ray films, and the usually great Sybil Danning & Bauer are all waisted here, yet it's serviceable enough in a 'there's nothing else on and i'm bored to death' kind of way. But really, Natividad's minute long cameo provide the only two noteworthy reasons to watch.things about this film.My Grade: C-Eye Candy: Dawn Wildsmith gets topless; Kitten Natividad shows T&A

I remember reading a write up on this film, the standard fare put out by the promotions people. It sounded exciting, horrific, all the things I enjoy about a good mummy movie. Then I got the box home and knew I was in trouble. The cheesy art of the box cover was the first clue. It could just have easily been the cover for "Big Trouble in Little China" which was a much better film, but this was no comedy, at least not intentionally. To begin with the budget on this must have been all of a $1.85 with tax. Then there are the sets. The film was supposed to take place in Egypt, but the sets bore no resemblance whatever. Cameron Mitchell is no actor, no way, never been. I was especially disappointed to see aging horror star John Carradine and Sybil Danning in this as they are both usually in much better quality work. You can safely give this one a miss, unless you are a fan of "Plan 9 From Out Space." This is right down there with it.

This is not the worst film ever made. I can't think of what that one is at the moment. I'll have to wait for my eyes to stop bleeding.Actually, there are two mildly redeeming factors. John Carradine, whose two minutes on screen probably comprised half the movie's budget, and Kitten Natividad dancing topless for about thirty seconds total. Yeah, that's it.Another line. Another line. Another line. Another line. Is that enough for that ridiculously arbitrary ten line rule? Apparently not. Let's keep adding pointless text until this so-called comment meets the minimum requirement for mindless bureaucratic self-aggrandizement. Some suit trying to qualify his or her paycheck came up with this rule, undoubtedly.

This movie is by far the worst I have ever seen, and coming from a guy that enjoyed Starship Troopers (1!!) that says alot. This one just has it all, it's a complete waste of time. They should put warnings on crap movies like this, honestly. At some point the woman makes a scarab crawl up some dudes "skin" which is CLEARLY and unmistakebly some rubber overlay. This tells me that not only was the budget really low, but the crew were also in a hell of a hurry and nobody could be arsed to tell the director he was really really bad. The make-up artists should be cursed for all eternity and beaten with various sticks. This is me, telling you, not to see this movie, unless you want to have something to talk about.