Albino Farm (2009)

Terrible acting, screenplay and direction.

Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

A lot of perfectly good film show their cards early, establish a unique premise and let the audience explore a topic at a leisurely pace, without much in terms of surprise. this film is not one of those films.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

This is my very first film review, so please be patient if I jump around a bit...The theme of "Albino Farm" is all too familiar by now. A group of college students happen upon a rural, socially challenged town, where they promptly stick their noses, as well as various other body parts, where they are not wanted. The result, as any of the fans of this genre will happily tell you, is copious amounts of blood-shedding in an effort to keep the outsiders from revealing their secrets. While the horror genre has been saturated with this type of film, there are a few, both independently and commercially produced, that stand out amongst their peers. "Albino Farm" is one such film, for a few reasons.First and foremost, the plot of this film is unique enough to draw one's attention. In all honesty, I felt the first half of the film could have been faster paced and the storyline could have been rewritten to get us to the Albino Farm a little quicker, but, at the same time, I wouldn't necessarily say I was bored. It's clear that the writers and filmmakers took great care in setting the scene and establishing the characters, but it does translate into a somewhat drawn out beginning. Once we do get to the Albino Farm (and, like the saying goes, getting there IS half the fun!), the action, suspense, and thrills begin. Of course, we've all seen films, where the antagonists are mutated cannibals, either through Mother Nature's blunders or mankind's own abominations created by our need to wage war or build the better human being. In this case, however, these mutants are the products of the urban legends we've all heard many times. We've heard the stories and have all thought, or perhaps asked aloud: What happens if a pregnancy results from one of these unions? Albino Farm gives us the answer! And then there's Pig Bitch! The name alone should have true horror fans salivating! I've seen a couple of reviews that mentioned Chris Jericho and Tammin Sursok (and these two do give great performances), but Bianca Barnett stands out as the grotesquely erotic and vengeful Pig Bitch. Her make-up, while outstanding and realistic, limits her facial expressions and as a result, Miss Barnett has to rely on body language and the grunting, growling language of Pig Bitch to make her emotions known. In this way, her talent and her love of her craft shine, like the star she is surely destined to become. I, for one, definitely look forward to seeing her explore future roles!Finally, "Albino Farm" is a fun film, amusing at times and frightening at other times. This is definitely a welcome addition to the genre and well worth a watch, at least once!

When a WWE Wrestler is the "and" at the end of the starring credits, its gonna be bad. This worthless piece of trash is filmed in a town in Missouri where they supposedly have this "Albino Farm" that is of legend somewhere in the Osark Mountains. Everybody there is inbred or has some type of physical deformity. The Main characters are a joke. Four college kids researching rumors in the Osarks - Stacy, Brian, Melody, and Sanjay - for a class assignment. WTF? What school are they going to? Then Brian, the jerk, wants to make fun of some rednecks so they go into this revival and sit there and talk to a guy that looks like Chris Elliott in Scary Movie 2. Then they go into town to eat and meet a girl with hoofs for hands. They then split up and one team talk to Chris Jericho to take them to the Albino Farm. Then comes the first redeeming quality of the movie - Melody flashes the hicks to get them to go. As this goes on and on, on the albino farm, there are disfigured people who want to kill everyone and then Stacy, who was clearly a B cup earlier in the movie has opened her polo to partially expose her now obvious D cups to become the second most redeeming quality of the movie - you don't see them, but they bounce a lot. In the end almost everyone dies, and Stacy goes crazy. This movie was an absolute travesty and I REALLY want the $5 I spent at Blockbuster (This was a new release?) and the 95 minutes I wasted on this back. I think Chris Jericho owes me.....

Albino Farm starts as four teens are driving along in the middle of nowhere in the name of research for their rural America project of some sort or another, after suffering a puncture & stopping off at a gas station for repairs the four friends learn of a local legend concerning a so-called 'albino farm' which intrigues them & they feel they could make a good project out of the legend & decide to stick around the area to investigate. The four split up with Stacey (Tammin Sursok) & Sanjay (Sunkrish Bala) asking some questions around town while Melody (Alicia Langano) & Brian (Nick Richey) head out to the albino farm itself after some locals offer to take them there. Once there however they discover a dark & terrifying secret while back at the town it seems not one normal person lives there as things get creepy for our teen protagonists...Written, produced & directed by the pairing of Sean McEwen & Joe Anderson this is a pretty poor clichéd ridden backwoods mutant Hillbilly teen horror slasher that has little to nothing going for it. The opening twenty odd minutes is a collection of horror film clichés with a group of city teens driving along in the middle of nowhere, a punctured tyre, the amazing revelation that their mobile phones don't work, a slightly weird gas station attendant, a sinister legend & a incomprehensible desire by the teens to investigate. This feels like a carbon copy of the opening of Wrong Turn (2003) & then once the albino farm is mentioned it takes absolutely ages to get to it which makes for a very boring thirty odd minutes as anyone in the audience is well ahead of the game & knows that's where the film is going to end up & the fact it takes so long to do so just kills any interest, tension or momentum the film had built up. Then once the mutants turn up you can throw in a large dollop of The Hills Have Eyes (2006) & it's sequel with lots of running around in caverns at the end where there are lots of conveniently placed bottles of propane with which the heroine can use to eliminate the mutants, now who left them just lying around? The character's are all horror clichés & it's very predictable as to who will be the lone survivor, the plot is poor with not much reason behind anything, there's no reason behind the albino farm itself, no reason behind the mutants, no reason behind the deformed townsfolk, no reason for anyone to kill anyone & there's even a rubbish ending that makes no sense.I have a couple of big problems with Albino Farm on the production side of things, first of all once the film switches to the albino farm it becomes incredibly dark & I found it was almost impossible to follow what was going on, the mutants themselves never say anything so there's never any dialogue & they just scream & grunt & it becomes really annoying as there's like a straight twenty minute stretch of near darkness with quick editing & nothing on the soundtrack but grunts & screams. Then there's the low body count, only three people die on screen, someone gets a hook through their mouth, someones arms are broken & head twisted around, two character's arms are sewn together but little else in the way of gore. I also have no idea why it's called an albino farm, there's no albino's there & it's not even a farm either.I would suspect that this had a low budget & it shows with a straight to video look, it's competent but unspectacular. Apparently filmed in Missouri. The cast aren't great with ex Home and Away regular Sursok quite nice looking while Chris Jericho was a WWF wrestler I believe at one time.Albino Farm is a poor low budget horror film with clichés aplenty, a rubbish story that doesn't make any real sense & a low body & nudity count that doesn't help matters either. Very little to recommend here I'm afraid.

Okay boys and girls I want you to fill in the blanks: Group of college students go out to Albino Farm where terrible things are said to have happened to see what the real deal is. What they get there "blank" happens. If you said terrible things you get a point. If you said terrible things to the audience you get five points and a lollipop. You've been there, you've done that and this is yet another film about crazies on the loose in the wilds somewhere. Its a not bad as such but its so incredibly by the numbers you'll be wondering why you're watching it when there are so many better variations out there. If I were you I'd skip it and find something else to watch.