Do Not Fold, Spindle, or Mutilate (1971)

Great Film overall

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

The acting in this movie is really good.

The very same year that this T.V. movie came out, one of the four actresses in it (Mildred Natwick) appeared in the short-lived Kander and Ebb musical "70, Girl, 70", proving that if you wanted to see old folks, you were in the wrong hall that night. Natwick, Myrna Loy, Helen Hayes and Sylvia Sidney are long-time friends with pranksterous natures who concoct all sorts of harmless schemes basically to distract them from their boring lives that consists of "tee many martuni's" and lunch pretty much every day that consists of two coffee's, two tea's and the same entree's for each of them. Having gone from prank to prank week after week and drink after drink, they now decide to try computer dating, posing as a single young lady and unfortunately attracting a psychopathic sadomasochist (Vince Edwards) who kills a prostitute, thinking it to be the young women these women invented, and then going after the four ladies after realizing how he was duped. "General Hospital's" chief of staff, John Beradino, becomes a police captain here, and his reactions to the feistiness of these delightful old ladies are priceless, especially one moment alone with Hayes who is just as delightfully lovable here as she was in the previous year's "Airport" for which she won an Oscar the year this TV movie originally aired. Three of these stars (Loy and Hayes, at MGM, and Sidney, at Paramount) were major leading stars in the 1930's, and Natwick was a major Broadway leading lady until moving into film character roles. Each of them get distinctive personalities, with the raspy Sidney having an amusing drunk scene, the seemingly sober Hayes a delicious hung over scene, Loy the most sophsticated with her droll responses, and Natwick slightly eccentric. Even with an outlandish plot and a not so great script, it is the four ladies who makes a silk purse out of a sow's ear, leading to a series just 2 years later reuniting Hayes and Natwick ("The Snoop Sisters") that had them playing different characters with similar personalities. Edwards plays a rather creepy, perverted character with obvious violent tendencies, but it's obvious that he's no match for these four feisty senior citizens who might seem like cartoon characters with a tweetie bird, black cat and umbrella but can definitely take care of themselves. As Hayes says, "It certainly has been one hell of a day, hasn't it girls?"

Helen Hayes, Myrna Loy, Mildred Natwick and Sylvia Sidney are in their twilight years, but don't tell them that. They're spry and ready to shake up their monotonous life. At least Helen does. She has taken to the idea of joining one of those computerized dating groups in this 1971 TV movie. Hence the title. That's what they say about the form that is inserted into the database. They have made up an imaginary young lady, Rebecca Meade, and her fictional statistics to have a little fun and to while away the hours. What they didn't count on was a disturbed prospect, played too well by Vince Edwards. Myrna Loy provides the voice of reason at all stages of this outlandish enterprise, and Sylvia Sidney is her usual sweet yet quirky self. But perhaps the best scene stealers of the film are Helen Hayes, who is thriving on the excitement and Mildred Natwick who is given some of the best lines and whose character must have been quite a tease in her day. When Vince makes an advance on "Rebecca," they rebuff him, which only gives him the impetus to go off the deep end. This was a very entertaining, short and surprisingly well written film. The law is played by John Beradino, of "General Hospital" fame, and you can tell that Sylvia really takes a liking to him in their few scenes together. For a good time with some good actresses, "Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate" is the place to be. They keep things happening.

Having not seen this (made-for-TV-I believe) film since I was 11 years old in 1971, it was not as good as I remembered it to be, unfortunately. The cast is great fun and first-rate. Helen Hayes is a hoot playing 7O year-old Sophie T. and Myrna Loy, Sylvia Sidney & Mildred Natwick are fine in their parts.Watching this movie last night, I realized how very dated it has become, and even the sound quality was very bad - plus the color looked cheap and faded. There ARE some really funny one-liners and the four old gals work beautifully together but the film as a whole dates badly.As a whole, this movie is a 1971 curio, based on the Doris Miles Disney novel of the same name. If you can accept it's out-moded notions, sit back and have fun!

This movie was the possible inspiration for the TV movie and series that followed, "The Snoop Sisters." This cast is even more formidable than the Snoop Sisters - instead of two elderly ladies, this has four. And what a group! Helen Hayes, Mildred Natwick, Sylvia Sidney, and Myrna Loy. Poor Vincent Edwards doesn't have a chance against them. The bored ladies decide to fill out a computer dating form, using an imaginary woman, of course, and wind up with a very eager Edwards.Computer dating has come a long way, but alas, it's still pretty easy to attract a character like Edwards. The four women are adorable and it's worth it just to have a chance to watch them in action. Hayes and Natwick went on to play elderly detectives in "The Snoop Sisters."