Ninja vs. Ninja (1987)

the audience applauded

hyped garbage

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

I can't believe that I managed to watch the majority of this "movie". As soon as it starts, all the warning bells go off. It begins with a demonstration of uh... ninja fighting prowess by a bare-chested man of African descent who strikes a pose, causing a column of smoke to blast up and he's suddenly dressed as a white ninja. The picture is clearly caught on cheap video and the music sounds like it belongs on an infomercial or industrial video. This ninja meets some other black-garbed ninjas and they fight and suddenly they are friends. At this point the entire thing is pointless.Then suddenly we're in a completely different movie, which appears to be some Hong Kong crime thriller, which appears to be better than the initial ninja movie, but it's hard to tell because everything appears to be cut out of order for the first half of the running time so that the ninjas can find their "tape". The Honk Kong crime thriller appears to be about a crime investigator and his police detective brother who encounter a serial bomber with criminal connections, but it's hard to tell because of how badly the movie was cut together with the ninja footage and then everything was very poorly re-dubbed on top of that.It's entirely clear that this film was originally the Hong Kong crime thriller and was recut to add the Caucasian and African ninjas (who are also dubbed over) for some people for the white import/export audience to relate to, since Asian cops with their guns and investigating crimes, wives and children, french toast and eggs and driving of cars are so incredibly hard to relate to. So exotic! That cop has black hair and speaks in Cantonese! Anyway, the plot of the film when recut revolves around ninjas having to acquire some tape. They fight in a way that's completely ridiculous, even considering the silly ninja stereotypes that exist. Their scenes are so poorly cut into the film that whenever they pop up, you can't help but laugh, but they take up so much screen time doing nothing that it's absolutely painful to keep watching. The original crime thriller is clearly nothing worthy of an award, but the film manages to be at its best when it's staying as far away from the added ninja nonsense as possible.This is an absolutely painful 81 minutes and it could've been somewhat bearable if it weren't for the fact that the film was recut to be generally incomprehensible. The dubbing is awful. Any scene where the ninjas appear is very awful. The sound quality is terrible and because of the way it was mish-mashed together, it's near impossible to get a solid read on the acting/direction of the central film, but from what can be seen it's mediocre at best. I can't think of a good reason to watch this because it's so bad that it just stays really really bad. And then it gets worse. There are many poor quality films out there, but this one actually made me think of many of those films with a measure of respect. At least they're moderately coherent.I guess that's the only reason to watch it: to learn to appreciate the drivel that sometimes counts of film-making. I'd rather watch all of the Friday the 13th films consecutively than watch this film in entirety again. I'd rather watch Ultraviolet, Aeon Flux and both Underworld movies followed by a Ernest Goes To... marathon than watch this "film" again. You have better things to do with your time. Like staring at the wall. Or trying to conceive of the number of toes that exist in the universe. Avoid at all cost. I watched it so that you don't have to. 1/10.

Some movies need to be made. Some movies are so awful, they serve as shining beacons to the rest of us, guiding us through the sea of bad movie-making and letting us know exactly what NOT to do. This is not one of those movies. This movie can serve no purpose other than (possibly) a fire starter. This movies existence is so pointless, if I were this movie I would throw myself in front of a municipal bus. Everyone involved in this movie should be arrested (with the exception of the black ninja, who was bad-ass). In summary: This movie Sucked. It made no sense, it was shot on film which looked like it had been put through a meat grinder, and the plot seemed to be hiding somewhere behind a dead girlfriend, videotape, and heroine addiction. Sweet Jesus... terrible film... my god...

My best friend and i pride ourselves in watching the worst movies we can possible find. last night we were privy enough to come across ninja vs. ninja. we read the back of the case to see the plot summary and it said something about undercover ninja cops busting heroine addiction rings. we tried very very hard to put that plot together while watching the movie and we couldn't. it doesn't exist. the fight scenes are terribly choreographed and ninja will mysteriously grow arms and burrow underground at random points for no reason. the smoke effects look like there is some dude standing above them, pouring smoke on them. but the most memorable scene is what has been aptly named, "the beach party." for no damn reason, it goes to a scene where there are a lot of women playing cards, then one mysteriously dies, then ninjas appear and kill everyone else. all in all, i almost wet myself with laughter. if anyone wants to have a good laugh and lose some IQ at the same time, watch this movie.

Ninja vs Ninja isn't a movie. It's two or three movies edited together and combined with some short footage of Ninjas. The plot makes no sense at all because there isn't one. There are just random things happening. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, and I watch movies like this all the time. Ninja vs Ninja makes Manos: The Hands of Fate look like an Oscar winner.