Death Has Blue Eyes (1976)

Truly Dreadful Film

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

Nearing the end of ICM's poll on the best films of 1976,I started gathering up the final titles to view. Taking the Italian Crime flick Live Like a Cop,Die Like a Man off the shelf,I spotted Nico Mastorakis debut,which led to me finding out what colour the eyes of death are.The plot:Arriving in Greece, Bob and Ches play a double act to steal everything they want,from flash cars and clothes,to the hearts of girls and cash. Trying to get a free meal at a hotel via pretending be guests,Bob and Ches get caught out by real hotel guests Geraldine and her daughter Christine. Cutting a deal with them,Bob and Ches start protecting Christine and Geraldine,who has a special ESP ability. View on the film:Shot before,but coming out after Island of Death, writer/director Nico Mastorakis scrapes off the kerb a bucket load of Grindhouse sleaze,with sexy naked ladies (and naked men) Action chase sequences shot guerrilla style and loud 70's fashion all being wonderfully rolled into an un-hinged creation. For the editing,the uncredited editor goes for the unique approach of cutting it with a rusty hacksaw,which adds to the slimy atmosphere,as delightfully poor ESP Sci-Fi and frantic action scenes are cut with an axe. Keeping in line with his directing,the wacky screenplay by Mastorakis scoops up boo-hiss bad guys,naked assassins and a peculiar mother/daughter ESP bond,as the blue eyes of death light up.

Why in this big, blue world would anyone give this movie, "To Koritsi Vomva," measly ones, therefore taking the throne of shame? I thought this was genius! Of course, most people think of this as kind of like, let's say, a non-sensical "War and Peace" because nothing interesting happens here, but I was able to understand this movie so well. I mean, it's romance, mystery, drama, and action all rolled into one unforgettable (although this movie is actually forgettable as evidenced by the negative reviews) flick! Well, at times this movie has parts that are just plain dull, but still, "To Koritsi Vomva" is one great foreign flick that can be viewed when there's nothing to do!!!!!

If you're looking for a totally crazy and off-the-wall film, you should try to track down a copy of this one (it won't be easy). It has everything: threesomes, car and motorcycle chases, ESP, cold war espionage and naked female assassins (only one, in a very brief scene, but I thought I should mention it). The only things missing are narrative coherence and directorial competence; at some points the continuity is so poor that it seems as if parts of the movie are missing. But considering its rarity, as well as the fact that it's Nico Mastorakis' second film after the notorious "Devil In Mykonos", this one has definite cult possibilities. It's not, however, as much of a flesh fest as the other reviewer suggests. (**)

Fancy wasting your time? Then check out this Grecian offering, which boasts two of the most obnoxious men you'll ever meet. They're cards, they really are.. stealing things from incredibly stupid people, sleeping with whoever they want despite being unbelievably ugly and dodging fake looking bullets and dodgy motorcycle thugs like there's no tomorrow. Who better to protect the life of a psychic who has witnessed a murder in Poland, I ask you? 'Hilarious' adventures with naked maids, rude talking birds and stripping at gunpoint ensue.It is difficult for me express just how appalling this film is. Every single aspect of it stinks in a way few films do, and it takes a special kind of non-talent to make something this offensively bad. The metaphor that I could use is that of a modern art picture, where people throw random amounts of paint at the canvas and hope it will turn out to be a masterpiece. Unfortunately, all we end up with here is a mess, and a tedious and pointless one at that. It isn't even worth me thinking up an amusing punchline to end the review like I usually do. So I'll simply close by stating for the record I wouldn't wish this movie on my worst enemy, and if any of the actors/ directors/ caterers involved in this crap had any sort of career afterwards, the world is indeed a tragic place..