Immortal Combat (1994)

Plenty to Like, Plenty to Dislike

hyped garbage

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

(Contains vague but ultimately inconsequential spoilers.) Honestly, I can't tell you what this film is about. I can, however, make a checklist of things that are in this film that might peak your interest:1) Ninjas 2) Coke and sex parties 3) Uzis 4) Vaguely impossible, massive gangster (and likely coke/sex-fueled) brawls 5) Spotty martial arts 6) Multiple abominations of the laws of physics (including at least one man who can leap five clear feet out of water (mind you, completely submerged)) 7) Body builders who don't believe in shirtsAnd the back of the VHS box does confirm there are:8) 109 minutes of action! 10) Headlocks 11) Running tackles 12) Action/Adventure and 13) Sonny Chiba. Through complex mathematics, I've inferred that if you are interested in at least five (of thirteen) of those concepts, this feature-length presentation is right down your alley.As far as I can tell, this movie is actually something of a puzzler. I'll lay the plot as frankly as I can: men who are apparently immortal waste their time trying to kill each other. They will shoot and punch and heave and throw and remove articles of clothing, but it is simply no use. Not a one of them can die--a reason for which I thoroughly enjoyed this flick.

Without a doubt, this is the best Roddy Piper/Sonny Chiba movie EVER. Not many people know this, but these two great action stars made over 200 films together, although this was the only one released stateside.That's probably not true. At all. It would be funny if it was, though. Roddy Piper, a wrestler that knew his own acting limits and stayed within them (no "suburban commando" for him. just dumb and violent stuff, thank you very much), stars in this film that is kind of about immortal bad guys. I say "kind of" because this movie manages to veer away from the dumb-but-enjoyable premise of fighting the unkillable for almost two hours and needlessly complicate the matter by involving power-hungry white-collar bad guys. Who cares about the mortal baddies when the immortal have to be killed? Certainly not this movie's target audience: drunk college kids and boys under the age of ten.My problem is this: former American Gladiator Malibu (Derron McBee) is the immortal bad guy. He has all the acting chops one would expect of someone who has been paid to joust with large Q-Tips on TV. Still, he's a ridiculously cartoony bad guy who makes the beginning scenes fun to watch. Then he's gone for about an hour, until the very end. Huh? Who plotted that? Does the audience care about Roddy Piper's sort-of romantic interest that doesn't get naked? No! Do they care about the non-immortal non-combatant bad guys? No!! Do they want to hear Roddy Piper fake a Southern accent? Well, maybe. It's pretty funny bad.Sonny Chiba is in this movie, too. He's credited as Sonny "J.J." Chiba an his character's name is "J.J." too. Presumably, J.J. is his real nickname and he plays himself in the movie because the movie is based on events from his life. Sonny has a Caucasian daughter in this movie. There is some sort of drama involving her being surprised that he's not her real dad or something. It's hard to pay attention to all of this movie. I'm lucky to be able to recall even that much. This plot just sucks the interest right out of your body.Oh, remember the wrestler Zeus? He's in this movie, too. He makes friends with Roddy Piper after he watches Rodddy break a guy's nose for pestering a woman. That isn't integral to the plot, mind you. It is, however, exactly the sort of thing that I imagine Zeus likes in his acquaintances.

Overall, this movie wasn't that bad if you judge it for what it was: an action movie with a lot of fight scenes. Both Piper and Chiba were great in the fight scenes, and had the script been a bit better, the overall movie would have been fairly good. The problem was, too many scenes that were unneeded or outright stupid. For instance, the scene where Ms. Keeler is caught trespassing and Piper comes to her rescue was annoyingly badly written and unnecessary overall. The one surprising thing was the supporting acting was fairly good, with the exception of Deron McBee who needs to go back to American Gladiators. The acting by Piper was quite good, with the best example being at the beginning of the movie in the inital fight scene which was well choreographed, and quite comical with the addition of Chiba. Overall, I can't say it's one of the best movies ever made, but, as an action movie it's fairly good.

This movie is really rotten, but I think it's worth watching to see Sonny Chiba run up a tree, do a back flip and then kick the guy chasing him. See if you can do that when you turn 55. Also Roddy Piper is a lot better performer than your average wrestler turned actor. He'll never earn an oscar.....or a critical acclaim, but his acting is better than many of the top name action stars.