Joe Millionaire (2003)

Joe Millionaire a.k.a. David Smith, 24, earns $11,000 a year as a rodeo cowboy in Texas. Fourteen European women, from 5 different countries, vying for his attention (and fake $80 million oil fortune) don't meet him until the very end of the episode. However, the time leading up to that was still worth watching. If possible, these women appear to be cattier and more materialistic than the ladies from the original J.M. David is flown to a gorgeous villa in the Italian countryside and given a crash course by Paul, everyone's favorite butler, in European geography and greetings in the ladies' native languages. The women party it up (drinking so much champagne their first night Paul has to order more) in their anticipation to meet him and are, shall we say, disappointed when they find out he's a cowboy. Paul's observation that European women seem to like a wealthy man as much as American women is dead-on. That QUICKLY changes when they hear about his fortune. All in all, it looks like this

When we left off last, we met all the girls, we met our new Joe, or David if you will. And we've ventured into the Tuscan Villa. Now it's time to find out what the girls' true motivations may be. It should be really interesting. The girls initially felt sorry for David because of how shy he came across. Plus, the women suddenly became very pro cowboy. David said all the girls were extremely beautiful. After the meet and greet, David invited the women to a ball. All the women took the rest of the day to prepare and dress and primp, etc. David said he wanted to make a good first impression. It's important because he needed to sell the fact that he has money. But he also said he doesn't want to come across as cocky. David was even more nervous about telling the girls that some of them will be going home. At the ball, David waited patiently for the women to arrive. David said that everything he's done so far was leading up to that moment. Paul escorted all the women out and his first impre

After the fallout of three ladies leaving, the show picks up again and it's time for David to start dating the rest. The morning after the kickoff, the girls were still slightly in shock. The women also talked about how they liked the necklaces, but they weren't all that great. The women were still wondering more about David though. What does he do? What's he like? Etc… Paul then told David that when he goes out with the women, that it's imperative to keep his stories straight because these European women will be asking him a lot more questions than American women would. Paul then told the women that David was going to take Kristyna, Giada and Olinda on a group date. And that the other women would all be going on group dates with David over the next few days. David took the girls to Montecatini Alto, Italy for pottery lessons. David thought it would be a great idea to get to know the girls in a relaxing environment. The women were still skeptical of David flying out his horse, but he w

The show starts, as always, with my man Paul Hogan drinking a brandy and musing over David's latest dates. Paul says that David so far has been ""a fish out of water,"" but that this week, the women will have to adapt to David's environment when they take a trip to a ranch. Which of the women will fit into David's world? At the villa, the women are enjoying breakfast. Olinda is wearing a gigantic pair of sunglasses that cover pretty much her entire head. Lina tells the ladies that she dreamed about going shopping, then to a spa for a massage. Olinda jokes, ""that's my lifestyle."" Paul arrives and tells the women that David would like for them to know more about his life in Texas. For their date, he has gotten presents for all of them. The presents are outside. The women should get them and then pack for an overnight trip. The gifts are cowboy hats and boots for everybody. The women try on their new accessories and have a great time with it. Several of them get into the act by practicing s

The charming and delightful Paul Hogan welcomes us to The Next Joe Millionaire. As he sips his brandy, he reminds us that last week, several of the women did not enjoy the country life of their ranch date. This week, it's back to the city. Please feel free to make your own Green Acres joke here. With two hours of action crammed into one night, I don't have the energy to do it myself. Tonight, David and the women will go to Florence for individual dates. Paul asks, ""Is it the money or his charm that fuels the competition?"" David says that he's disappointed about Linda not being in the running anymore, but that he's looking forward to his dates. Petra vows to cheer him up. She is looking forward to getting to know him better without the other women around. A sedan pulls up to the villa and we see Petra asking the driver if she can sit up front with him. I guess this scene is to tell us that Petra is just folks like the rest of us and most certainly not a gold digger. Petra greets David i

When we left our friends on The Next Joe Millionaire, David had just eliminated Giada and Kristyna. Giada, in spite of her threats, did not explode. Paul announced that David and his final four women—Olinda, Cat, Petra, and Anique—would be headed to Rome for more individual dates. If you want the full pulse-pounding details of the first part of this mega episode, check out my recap here. All caught up? Then let's head to Rome! David is thrilled to finally go to Rome, saying, ""a guy couldn't ask for more."" He says that they are staying in a very expensive hotel, so the women will surely be impressed. The women have a grand entrance of their own—when they pull up in limos surrounded by cameras, they attract paparazzi. The women mug for the cameras and seem to be enjoying the attention, but they end up having to enter the hotel through a back entrance. Apparently these paparazzi are easily outwitted. In the hotel, Paul welcomes them and offers to show them to their rooms. Olinda immediate

Last week on The Next Joe Millionaire, Kristyna and Giada got booted, Olinda was mean to Cat, got booted, and I pulled a muscle in one of my typing fingers after recapping all two hours of international intrigue! Paul welcomes us back to this week's episode. He promises us ""jet set dates"" to help David ascertain which women are there for him and which are there for his money. Paul also says that the makers of the show were surprised when one of the eliminated women asked for a second chance with David. Because they love the twists and turns, they agreed. In the villa, Petra, Anique, and Cat share an awkward meal. They eat silently while their interview voiceovers fill us in on the underlying tension. Petra thinks David made the wrong decision at the last elimination. Cat says that she thinks Petra wanted her to go. And Anique says that she doesn't find Cat open or honest. Paul enters the dining room and congratulates the women on joining ""the diamond club."" He tells Anique to get ready

Petra and Cat are alone in the house. Since the two of them weren't getting along very well in part one of the episode, it's an uncomfortable dynamic. Cat says, ""It feels strange because all the others are missing."" Petra says that Cat can be hard to deal with, and now she has to deal with her alone. The two of them are eating a meal together again without talking. Cat says in an interview, ""I think she doesn't like me."" Was her first clue when Petra told her that she found her rude? For her part, Petra decides that if Cat doesn't want to be friendly and talk to her, she'll distance herself as well. In lieu of talking, she rifles through her handbag. If I were Petra, I would also give up on the possibility of having a nice conversation during meals with Cat and would just start bringing a book to the table with me. Paul arrives and sends the women to the grand salon for an announcement from Samantha. This really underscores Samantha's uselessness on the show, because why couldn't Paul

It feels like just yesterday that we met David Smith, Fox's new Joe Millionaire, and his bevy of European ladies, but it's time already for the finale. Paul, with his usual glass of brandy in his hand, tells us that David has narrowed his search to two women: Linda, who ""got back in at the end of the race,"" and Cat, who ""survived the entire marathon."" David will not only have to choose between the two ladies, but will have to tell one of them that he doesn't really have eighty million dollars. Let's get to it! David says that he's torn between the two women. With Linda, he was ""intrigued at first sight,"" but Cat is someone ""who I've developed a relationship with."" Linda and Cat talk and admire the diamond bracelets they got after the most recent elimination. Linda says that she thinks it's right that they are the last two women. Cat is not feeling the same camaraderie. In an interview, she says, ""I would be the winner, but Linda is back."" She says much the same thing to Linda's face. C

It feels like just yesterday that we met David Smith, Fox's new Joe Millionaire, and his bevy of European ladies, but it's time already for the finale. Paul, with his usual glass of brandy in his hand, tells us that David has narrowed his search to two women: Linda, who ""got back in at the end of the race,"" and Cat, who ""survived the entire marathon."" David will not only have to choose between the two ladies, but will have to tell one of them that he doesn't really have eighty million dollars. Let's get to it! David says that he's torn between the two women. With Linda, he was ""intrigued at first sight,"" but Cat is someone ""who I've developed a relationship with."" Linda and Cat talk and admire the diamond bracelets they got after the most recent elimination. Linda says that she thinks it's right that they are the last two women. Cat is not feeling the same camaraderie. In an interview, she says, ""I would be the winner, but Linda is back."" She says much the same thing to Linda's face. C