Primal (2010)

Wonderful Movie

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

Well. This is one of those movies you have to watch in a group and with a beer in your hand and you will have a good time. From time to time I really thought that it was thrilling, you can laugh your ass off about the Ninja turtle moves, weird creatures and dialogues. The ending was just WTF and felt a little bit cheesy, but I think it fits to the rest so why not.+A lot of disgusting stuff +Reeeal dumb dialog +Being a zombie gives you superhero powers-Dont watch if you like rabbits -Typical "nobody can use a cellphone properly" movie -Something was shown in the beginning that hey never explained

This had good written all over it and then the characters started to interact. Unfortunately these morons had to speak and ruin the movie. First there is the "Sensitive" guy. God, I hate Sensitive Guy. The "Group of Friends" movie genre is a hit or miss proposition. This one swung and missed, not because of the story or the horror effects and not even the acting itself, no, it lost its way simply because of dialogue and character. Take for instance the "Sensitive Guy". This moron was so far out of touch with reality that it made me think he was some Hollywood stereotype of a chick. Trust me, listen to this guy when the crap hits the fan and a decision has to be made. Sure, sensitive people will say that he was just heartbroken, therefor his decisions were off. Bullcrap! He goes from delusional to self righteous in zero point five seconds. I don't know which one was worse. Fightine, bickering, back stabbing and overly sensitive adults. The ultimate failure of a group movie. I've never understood the whole idea of packing five or six people in an SUV and then have them fight for the better part of an hour. It pisses me off. I understand human nature and people packed into an SUV for hours, yeah, someone is going to get cranky and some bickering will ensue. But petty squabbling the entire movie? Yuck. If it weren't for the characters I would have put this in the 7 range for horror and bloodshed.

What's with all those horror movies where so-called "friends" insist on going camping together even though they clearly can't stand each other? The first thing that immediately shows when watching "Primal" is that the group of protagonists couldn't be more diverse. There's distrust, mockery and backstabbing from the very beginning when they're still in the car, so you already know they're all doomed when later on they'll have to depend on each other to survive. But who cares, right, as writer/director Josh Reed obviously didn't intend to make a groundbreaking or innovative horror masterpiece, but merely just an entertaining and blood-splattering monster flick. And from that point of view, he moderately succeeded, even though the movie won't leave an everlasting impression. "Primal" is fast-paced, full of nasty massacres and occasionally even manages to be suspenseful. Six people, some of which having severe emotional issues, travel to the deepest parts of the Australian jungle in search of prehistoric cave paintings that supposedly haven't been seen by anyone in over 150 years. One of them is an archeology student and wants to work on his thesis, but the others simply have a fun camping trip in mind and pass the day fornicating in tents and skinny dipping in the nearby lake. But when blond bimbo Mel comes out of the water, covered in leeches, she almost promptly undergoes a physical and mental transformation into a predator with primitive killing instincts. She prowls at the rest of the group, naturally, but they're too busy with arguing and putting themselves in mortal danger. The lead characters aren't just some of the most unlikable people you've ever seen; they're also incredibly stupid and ignore the most obvious foreboding warning signs. If you're in an area where ordinary bunny rabbits have razor sharp teeth and spontaneously launch aggressive attacks … get the hell out! If you notice there are minuscule insects devouring your tents and camping equipment … get the hell out! And, most importantly, if your former girlfriend doesn't show anymore signs of civilization and actually already ATE one of your buddies, do not try to soothe her with a fluffy animal! That particular sequence arguably qualifies as one of the most retarded things I ever witnessed. There's plenty of excitement for the gorehounds among us, including flesh eating and a lot of grisly dental horror. The film truly goes bonkers during the climax, with some sort of Tremors like creature popping up in a cave and trying to impregnate the last female survivor. Where did that suddenly come from? I guess this is just the type of horror flick where you have to switch of all brain functions, get comfortable and enjoy the pointless bloodshed.

Yup, because we haven't seen that like a million times since "Night of the Living Dead"! Six Australian students go to a lost cave where there are some cave paintings painted by some guy just before he got killed by a fellow caveman. And apparently, there is something in the water that mutates people into savage killing things that are serving some kind of host creature in the cave that apparently doesn't mind waiting a few thousand years for a host or something.So we watch as characters are either turned or killed by the ones who were, as we get over the top scenes using the less than prime cuts from a butcher's shop somewhere.I give the movie a bit of credit for the uninfected characters arguing over who is going to kill the infected ones or if they should kill them. But the whole scenario is so contrived it was laughable- like insects that eat through tire rubber on an SUV. Really? Wow, that was convenient.I think there was supposed to be some kind of sub-plot with the cave painting, but not really. They didn't go with it or they lost it in editing.