Rumpelstiltskin (1995)

Wow! What a bizarre film! Unfortunately the few funny moments there were were quite overshadowed by it's completely weird and random vibe throughout.

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

The acting in this movie is really good.

This movie feels like it was made purely to piss off people who want good shows

Director Mark Jones attempts to replicate the success of his 1993 light-hearted horror hit Leprechaun with yet another tongue-in-cheek effort featuring an ugly, ancient, diminutive, wise-cracking fairytale villain; instead of 'I need me gold?', it's 'I want the baby John', wicked goblin Rumplestiltskin being more concerned with collecting the soul of an infant than in gathering up the shiny yellow stuff.Jones opens his film in the 1400s, somewhere in Europe, with Rumplestiltskin (Max Grodénchik) being pursued by angry villagers who are a little upset about his baby-stealing ways. As punishment, the pointy-eared chap is turned into a stone figurine and thrown into the sea. Cut to the present, and the hideous statuette is now on sale in a dusty old antiques shop in Los Angeles, where it catches the eye of recently bereaved cop's wife Shelley (Kim Johnston Ulrich); clearly doing alright on her widow's pension, Shelley buys the ugly effigy, but comes to regret her decision after she makes a wish whilst holding her new purchase: Rumplestiltskin, revived by Shelley's tears, makes her dream come true (granting her a brief reunion with her dead husband), but wants her baby son John in payment for services rendered.Rumplestilitskin is a reasonably entertaining slice of mid-90s trash: the script is suitably silly, the pacing reasonably fast, the gore good 'n' cheesy, and the dialogue delightfully daft ("F**keth me!"), with dumb but fun highlights including Rumpel going all Easy Rider on a Harley, and a desert buggy versus truck highway chase scene between Rumpel and unlikely hero Max (Tommy Blaze) that ends with a surprisingly decent crash/explosion. Essentially, it's a Leprechaun movie in all but name, and should prove passable entertainment for any fan of Warwick Davies' long-running franchise.That said, if I were forced to choose between Leprechaun and Rumplestiltskin, I'd have to go with the cheeky Oirish chappie's first outing, partly because Davies makes for a more memorable monster than Grodénchik, but mostly because Davies' co-star was a young Jennifer Aniston. Kim Johnston Ulrich is pretty, but she's no Aniston (although, unlike the Friends star, she does provide some welcome nudity).

The only reason I watched this movie from beginning to end is because it was so god damn outlandish and cheesy it became comical. An ancient demon known as Rumpelstiltskin is finally freed from his 1000 year old curse and finds himself in the mid 90's. He knows how to drive big rig trucks perfectly through dips and bends that would seem impossible to maneuver to even professional nascar drivers. How did this movie get the rights to some of the tracks in this movie? I do commend them for some key songs that I actually recognized. There are just too many weird scenes that make little to no sense. Why was the Gypsy lady sleeping in the back of that convertible outside of that police station in the middle of the night miles away from her shop? Why didn't she actually go in the station? Why? I challenge you to count how many god damn times Rumpelstiltskin says "baby" in this movie. I'd rather pour acid down my ears than hear that annoying laugh again. 3/10.

Did you ever see Leprechaun? If you answered 'yes' continue. Did you like it? If you answered 'no', get out of here fast and don't watch Rumpelstiltskin. Sorry, that was just a quick filter to stop potential 'haters' of this movie seeing it or reading this. So if you like horror, you'll be aware that between around 1988-1996 the genre was ridiculous and terrible, bar a few noble exceptions. Only 99% of the stuff that came out was terrible. However, as a kid, it was great to be able to watch things like Leprechaun/Rumpelstiltskin and be mildly scared (mostly by the box cover) and be amused also. I have fond memories of Rumpelstiltskin, and when I watched it yesterday I still enjoyed it. It's nothing special, but Rumpelstiltskin looks quite evil, says lines like "this ain't no fairytale" and even raises the dead once. Awesome!You can see the director thought 'shit, look at my budget, I don't need all that', so he just decided to blow stuff up. There are some great explosions of trucks...yes, there is a Rumpelstiltskin car chase! Criticisms. Acting: the acting was so bad, not quite 'Manos' bad, but everyone bar the mother of the baby and the cop who dies early on were terrible. Even little Rumpel is only OK, would have liked less comic humour and more sinister stuff. Plot: It's weak and sometimes it's too slow, others too fast. Like when Rumpel is unleashed the pacing goes out the window. Though I must say, there's plenty of the little guy in this movie and that's what we want to see so I can't complain. Rumpel: He's a good character, but if it wasn't for Leprechaun's cult following would they have made Rumpel more sinister? It may not have worked because he's laughable even before he speaks.This movie works only if you suspend all belief and expect as little as possible. It helps if you're bored and just don't care what you watch also. 6/10 just because of it's faint charm and explosions. There is no horror to be found in this movie!

I just saw this film for the first time tonight, 9 years after it was made. I was pleasantly surprised, as I was not expecting it to be this good. The Rumpelstiltskin character looked great, and the plot line kept my interest throughout. The makeup was great, and it the minimal use of special effects made this movie much less outrageous than it could have been. It was almost over-the-top, but stopped just in time. It was not very true to the old fairy tale, but took a modern twist on it. Rumplestiltskin was re-awakened 500 years later in the 1990's, and needs a first-born son to steal its soul and set him free. I totally did not expect him to be driving a motorcycle or a semi-truck, but it happens, and it worked. There is a long chase scene where he is driving an oil tanker and spouting out humorous one-liners, until he wrecks it. The only way to kill him is to burn him with fire and straw, but before the protagonists discover this, he kicks some ass and takes a few wicked beatings. This film was hilarious, creepy, and a thoroughly enjoyable take on a classic fairy tale from our youth. I give it a 9 for originality and entertainment value.