Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)

Too much of everything

Don't listen to the negative reviews

Blistering performances.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Made in Spain with no sound equipment under a director who rewrote it as he filmed it, shelved for years due to being unusable, then one day roughly edited, badly dubbed, and poorly scored in an attempt to get something saleable and here we are.Ever seen Sinbad portrayed as a heavily muscled superman in sparkly purple disco tights? Ever seen Jaffar portrayed as a cackling English villain in cahoots with a busty blonde in a scandalous leather one piece? Well now you can!There's monsters, fighting, sexy ladies, animated effects, leather clad henchmen, slo-mo running, a 'Poochie the Dwarf' comic-relief who's neither funny nor a dwarf then disappears midway through the movie, more fighting, constant narration explaining what's going on, laughably poor music, magical zombie horses, and that guy off the hulk, I mean what's not to like, people!?

So the film would lead you to believe. Mr. Poe's actual story bears little to no similarities to this tale, but the fact that it opens with the claim that it is based on his story is just part of the inane fun that is SINBAD OF THE SEVEN SEAS! This is a film so poorly written, acted, directed, and conceived, with horrible dubbing that it takes on an air of the absurd. If you are not laughing at the film at some point, you must not have a good sense of humor. Fun fact, the short story Edgar Allen Poe actually wrote, "The Thousand and Second Tale of Scheherazade," is an amusing story(far better than this movie) in which Scheherazade tells of Sinbad's last adventure in which real things from an outsiders perspective are described, but not believed by the King.The Story: Sinbad returns home to find that the evil Jaffar has rested control of the kingdom with his sorcery and brought an age of darkness. Sinbad and his intrepid crew must find the four magic gems that will return peace to the land and save the princess.Three out of ten stars for the film(I've sadly seen worse) and nine out of ten for unintentional humor.

When you insert Sinbad of the Seven Seas in your VCR its like stepping into a world of swash-buckling, sword fighting, man-boob bouncing action. Lou Ferrigno doesn't just recite lines, he executes them with precision and emotion...just like he executes the skeleton pirates...and rock monsters...and amazon women...and goopy jello ogres. I don't want to ruin the M.Night Shamalalala-esqe conclusion, but there is some hot Sinbad on Sinbad action. Especially when he falls in the lava. The princess is really hot...I'd do her.About a dozen rubber snakes and a midget named Poochie were injured during the making of this movie.

An incredibly fun, incredibly bad movie. Definitely recommended for any fans of bad cinema, this movie has it all. Plastic props, horrendous dialogue, plot holes galore, sophomoric special effects. Lou Ferrigno (Hulk!) throws his sword away and wrestles with bad guys, in sloooooow motion action sequences that will have you yawning in anticipation. Hats off to John Steiner as the EVIL Jaffar-his hammy overacting steals every scene he's in. Listen especially for the scene where he's discussing his plans with the princess in the tower. Just when you think he's done, he lets out this uproarious "Ha!" that's so random, you won't know what hit you! I was laughing for minutes-then for hours afterward, just from remembering this one line. Definitely one of the highlights of modern cinema-see this movie! 2/10, both points for the awesome performance of Jaffar.