The Cloth (2013)

Touches You

Load of rubbish!!

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

My main reasons for seeing 'The Cloth' were that the idea was sort of intriguing and that it had Danny Trejo and Eric Roberts (the two biggest names and not exactly bad actors, Trejo especially has shown his ability to be one of the least bad things about bad films) in it. Expectations were not exactly high but it was not as if it was watched with the want of it being bad. With the sole exception of an attention-grabbing and unsettling opening, which actually gave off a promising first impression, 'The Cloth' manages to be a complete mess at the end of the day. It wastes everything that the film was seen for in the first place, and ruins a not bad premise with execution that describing it as sub-par is being far too kind. There are certainly far worse films about, films that don't have any redeeming qualities (something that for all its badness 'The Cloth' did have), but for its subject matter this was one soulless film.'The Cloth' is incredibly amateurish visually, insultingly so. It is so chaotically and self-indulgently shot, making a lot of the film incoherent, and the use of lighting couldn't be more inappropriate or random (some of it made me feel ill, anybody with a neurological condition beware). Atmosphere is zero. Worst of all are the special effects and the look of the demons, which would have even been badly out of date in the 60s let alone in a time where technology and effects on the most part have significantly advanced when not overused and abused.Sound effects and music are far too loud and intrusive, any tension, suspense or creepiness are completely ruined by the sound and music making it far too obvious what was going to happen. When it is not hard to understand (which a good deal of the time it's as incomprehensible as the production values), the dialogue is enough to make even the most childish child feel dumb and it constantly sounds awkward. After a promising opening, the story goes downhill quicker than one can down a fizzy drink can quickly. It is just so dull and it was like no heart or enthusiasm was put into it, judging from the molasses-slow pace, the lack of atmosphere and personality and that it doesn't even try to make sense.None of the characters are interesting or engaging, very little is learnt about them and we don't care because some are annoying and others are like walking robots. Don't expect Trejo or Roberts to save it. Both are woefully misused with far too short screen-times (especially Trejo) and both are pretty lousy, with a very hammy Trejo and Roberts at his most bored-looking (actually looking like he regretted taking part). Having said that, they are acting masters compared to the rest of the cast. There is an excessive amount of chewing-the-scenery-to-pieces and even more an amount of somnambulant sounding-drunk acting. The direction makes failed student film project directing look more professional. Overall, wasn't bad to begin with but everything else when it rapidly went down south was a disaster. 2/10 Bethany Cox

I love when movies jump right into the action, and "The Cloth" did not fail me in this area. On the other hand, this film jumped so far into the action that character building was neglected. The only thing that I learned about the main character, Jason, after 45mins of viewing was that he liked to club, he liked sex, he knew a preacher, and his whole family was killed.After 45mins I was clueless to why the main character was the chosen one to fight in the war, why did the preacher have a key to his apartment, and why was there a long drawn out exorcist scene in the beginning because they could have just shot the b**ch with the crucifix weapon. Because of the lack of character building and plot holes I stop watching at 45mins.There were other faults like the acting, the mood, the unnecessary use of graphics; in fact the graphics seemed out of place. I thought the sound effects where great and the music blended in well.Although I thought the movie sucked, I think the director could have potential. I understood where he or she was going with the film, but he or she missed it by a long shot.~Watched alone in the dark~

First, they used cheap film stock always slightly out of focus, no one has the top of their head in most of the shots. My grandmother used to take photos like that, no foreheads!!!! The special effects were really quite funny, not intentionally of course. No wonder it went direct to video. Eric Roberts must be on muscle relaxers as his performance is dull and lethargic, and Danny Trejo is basically a cameo. The other actors in the film are uninspiring and really need acting lessons. The film is dark and brooding, but then, so is my cat. About halfway through the film, I noticed that staring at my cat was way more scary. Maybe she is possessed!!!! Maybe I am, while writing this review! I know this film is possessed --- of no good qualities!Peace out, Jen

I love a good religious horror or demon possession film. My background as a Christian gives me a certain appreciation for what many critics call hokey sensationalist cinema and B-movie trash. I've seen the good ones ("The Exorcist," "Devil") and I've seen the bad ones ("The Exorcist Tapes," "The Last Exorcism Part II"). Unfortunately, Uncork'd Entertainment's "The Cloth" falls well below the threshold of bad and plunges into the abyss of laughably unwatchable.Cases of demonic possessions are on the rise across the country. A faithless young man (Kyler Willett) is recruited by the Catholic Church into a secret organization of demon hunters. He teams up with a priest (Lassiter Holmes) as they track down the forces of evil and strive to put an end to Satan's stronghold on humankind. I can only describe "The Cloth" as a horribly made Christian film clumsily fashioned together by mainstream independent movie producers devoid of any real religious slant who own an HD camera and iMovie program. Imagine graduates of Roman Polanski or William Friedkin's school of filmmaking being to blame for those "Tribulation" disasters and you get where I'm going with this. Its sexual content makes it pretty clear a Christian audience was not in mind while making the film.Imagine an Asylum film completely devoid of the self-aware humor and wit we've come to expect from films like "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" or the more recent "Sharknado." "The Cloth" takes itself seriously all the way to the closing credits. This makes scenes of a priest shooting possessed people with a demon-killing gun as they explode into digitally animated pieces even harder to sit through. As hard as it is to believe, the CGI is worse than anything you've seen in any Asylum movie or SyFy Channel original movie.The one character in the film that I found humorous and likable was the guy who provided the holy weapons to the two lead characters. If the movie was focused on him, it would've been a lot more enjoyable. His British accent and punk rock look and sensibilities added a level of fun to his scenes that the rest of the movie is sorely lacking. The guy wears t-shirts with slogans like "Exorcise Regularly." Need I go into any more explanation?I will say that the scenes of demonic possession which aren't cluttered with bad CGI look good. Whoever did the makeup and practical effects deserve some applause for the most part. The exorcism scene at the beginning showed promise that the rest of the film couldn't deliver.Danny Trejo is featured on the cover of "The Cloth" DVD as if he appears in the entire film. Be aware this is not the case. He is in what amounts to about 5 minutes of the 89-minute running time. Eric Roberts is also named as one of the main actors. He plays a priest and figures into maybe 5 minutes of screen time as well.As much as I hate saying this about any movie, "The Cloth" has absolutely no redeeming qualities. It's a haphazard attempt at combining the elements of much better films like "Constantine" and "End of Days." I hope Danny Trejo and Eric Roberts were paid well enough to justify them wasting their time and talents on this drivel.