Diamond Cartel (2017)

I'll tell you why so serious

everything you have heard about this movie is true.

Absolutely amazing

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

This review may contain spoilers I watched this movie on Netflix and came to IMDb to see if Peter O'Toole was really in the film.He was. I had some high hopes for this movie as it starts out with several b movie action stars sitting around a table. Sadly they are mere cameos and a group of mostly unknowns star in the actual movie.The story seems jumbled and hard to follow the action, what there is of it is mediocre. IMDb seems to connect this movie to another as a re=edited version of that film. Perhaps the original version made sense and was interesting. I found this version to be neither.Most of the actors,including Peter O'Toole are over dubbed. Even the narrator who is supposed to be the lead character(I think) sounds nothing like the on screen voice. I love campy outdated 80's style action flicks. I did not love this.Unless you have no choice watch something else.

This is just . . . strange, surrealistically bad. It's intended to be (I think) some sort Kazakhstan interpretation of cliché action movie vignettes, woven together into a bizarre concoction of what is supposed to be a story, of sorts. As a sort visual art piece, it does have its moments. Clearly a lot of work and technical effort went into this production, not to mention a budget to make this possible. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this film is who they managed to get to star in this strange production.The voice dubbing is beyond comical, but then again, that description summarizes this entire production. Clearly, this is not for everyone, or even that many, but for those looking for a weirdly out of sync, attempted cultural experiment in hybrid Kazakhstan dark comedy filmcraft, this might be your cup of tea . . . maybe.Rating? OK, 3 stars for effort.

Calling this an action movie is a stretch since there are only 3 or 4 very short action scenes all under 1 or 2 minutes. For the most part this is a crime/drama with a lot of people sitting around talking. Armand gets the most screen time. Bolo and Don are wasted. Bolo has one short fight where he throws two punches. That's it.The cinematography is decent which is why I'm giving it 3 stars. Having this many b movie stars in one place should be a treat, but most of these are cameo appearances only. I ended up fast forwarding through the movie in a futile search for the action. One final note: the climax made no sense any way you look at it. These characters are truly stupid. Skip this and go watch Skin Trade instead.

I order to qualify for a worst movie award we should start with quality actors. I don't know how they convince Armand Assante and Peter O'Toole to play parts in this. Even aging action stars like Don Wilson and Bolo Yeung should have known to stay clear of this movie. Next, you have to fail at some of the components of a movie. The plot, script, acting, action, special effects, stunts and most any other component of a good film were all disappointing. There were completely pointless cut scenes to their childhood and romance as if building up to something, but went nowhere. I couldn't figure out why the voices were dubbed over the entire film, regardless of who was speaking what language. I rarely find myself wishing I could get my time reimbursed after watching a movie for an hour and a half, but this is definitely one of those times. I will have to admit that Armand made the most of his role. His scenes almost convince you that the movie might go somewhere, but ultimately they only led to more disappointment.