Barbarian Queen (1985)

Thanks for the memories!

Highly Overrated But Still Good

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

My discovery of B movie Barbarian Queen has to do with it is part of a four film collection of Roger Corman produced 80's sword and sorcery films. Why Deathstalker 3 and 4 are not included and this movie and The Warrior And The Sorceress are included instead is unknown. This film in question, Barbarian Queen is my least favorite of the four films and the one out of the four that does not have any fantasy elements. To be fair, it is more of an ancient world action picture and a true endurance test for me to get through beginning to end without falling asleep. Former Playboy model Lana Clarkson does look good here and so does the rest of the female cast. While this film does deliver the goods for maximum boobage, it is pretty much all it has going for it. Our story is set in Roman times, but the film does little to make it period correct or Roman. Lana Clarkson and friends unite to fight the evil empire, but mostly must avoid rape(and attempted rape) by fighting real stupid and horny men. Do not get me wrong, the Deathstalker films are totally ridiculous as well, but they pull off being entertaining where Barbarian Queen fails miserably at. Lana Clarkson appears in the first Deathstalker film to boot and has less screen time, but is much more memorable than she is here. I have no problem with women kicking ass, but this film is poor and I would have found my time better spent rewatching Red Sonja or episodes of Xena Warrior Princess.

An unenterprising addition to the (rightly) maligned '80s genre of the sword-and-sorcery movie (you'd be well advised to check out the likes of DEATHSTALKER and THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER instead of this uninspiring dreck) whose sole purpose seems to be to show as many naked women throughout the film as possible. But this isn't soft-core porn by any means; instead it's a low budget action epic, shot on the cheap in Argentina by a talentless bunch of guys who don't know two things about fight choreography (case in point: compare this film with a similar Shaw Brothers sword-fighting epic – no contest).The film deserves note – and perhaps credit – for portraying some feisty and powerful female warriors who easily overthrow their male oppressors, but then proceed to turn this idea on its head by insisting that all of the female performers be naked or raped at one time or another. Although female torture, rape and molestation may sound unpleasant, rest assured that this film portrays the scenes as weakly and routinely as it can, without power.Lana Clarkson ("I'll be no man's slave and no man's whore! And if I can't kill them all, by the Gods, they'll know I've tried!") is the Nordic beauty who leads a revolt against the aforementioned oppressors. I think these guys are meant to be Roman but you wouldn't guess, seeing as the costumes are so poor. Most of the film consists of drawn-out action sequences which are really poorly done and much less interesting than any Italian peplum from the '60s you could ever find. The middle section of the film consists of torture and contains an amusing scene of a guy being thrown into an acid bath, but that's about it.Despite the inclusion of some muscular men in a gladiator battle, the excitement level is null. Expect to see lots of naked female flesh and some unwanted naked male flesh. Expect to see poor camera-work, shoddy and unconvincing gore effects and an utterly routine payoff for your time. Expect to see a level of film-making so cheap, unimaginative and unskilled that you can barely bother to watch the movie at all. Expect to see the sequel.

I don't have much to say about this film. I was 13 when it first came out, and I saw it on video in '86. My only reason for watching this film was for the scantily dressed women warriors that were in it, having sex nearly every other scene. The torture chamber was my favorite scene, and the best line in the movie was when the torturer had Lana Clarkson on the rack, and after a brief torture, he decides to "bone" her. His reason, aside from suddenly being horny is "You're making a contribution to science." That line had me in stitches. Remember this line fellas the next time your girlfriend holds out on you!

The Barbarian Queen is Queen Amethea (Lana Clarkson), whose village is burned by evil warriors on the day of her prospective wedding, after which most of the people are killed or enslaved. She leads a group of rebels in opposition, including some women (like herself) whose forms fit well into the clothing of the day, and eventually leads an uprising by freeing the slaves. Not for its cultural or intellectual value at all, this film is most noteworthy for the women winning the swordfights with men but not faring so well if they are captured and/or enslaved. Nudity and bondage and fondling yes, but I have to say the most memorable scene occurs when Queen Amethea uses a unique method of escape after she has been captured and tied up in the warrior camp and is being fondled by one of her captors. Clear cut--for those who like this stuff yes, otherwise not much to offer.