Embrace of the Vampire (1995)

Just perfect...

Don't listen to the negative reviews

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

Formulaic plot: In olden times, boy loves girl, boy becomes vampire, boy loses girl, then finds her centuries later. She's now in love with someone else and... take it from there. This premise still makes sense, but when applied to the story that follows, it crumbles rapidly. The heroine is so vapidly naive, it's laughable. No one, even someone supposedly raised in a convent school as the heroine was, could be THAT unaware. There are nude sex scenes--lesbian, menage a quartre, orgy--making this soft-soft core but that's about all it has going for it.There's little of the usual blood and gore of a vampire film--the vampires chews, rather than merely bites--and not much of anything else except the titillation of the nudity. Other than that it seems to have had a heavy dose of apathy.A disappointment and a waste of talent and viewer time...but it did make me nod off so I saved on sedatives.

According to IMDb's summary, Embrace of the Vampire is about an 18-year-old college freshman (Alyssa Milano) who is seduced by a handsome vampire lover (Martin Kemp) who introduces her to a dark world of carnal desires.WRONG!To cut a long story short, it's about getting its 22-year-old star Alyssa Milano to show her tits as often as possible! The weak, romantic (or should that be 'new romantic'?) Gothic horror plot merely serves as an excuse for the actress to bare her breasts (with the occasional shot of her ass). Not that I'm complaining of course—I just would have preferred a stronger story to go with the copious T&A from young Alyssa.In addition to Milano's nudity, male viewers are also treated to Charlotte Lewis as a bisexual photographer who indulges in a spot of lesbian action with Alyssa; we also get a brief but welcome turn from Jennifer Tilly as a bar room slut, the actress offering no nudity but plenty of raunch as always. Martin Kemp and Harold Pruett are on hand for the ladies in the audience, the Spandau Ballet star playing the sappiest bloodsucker imaginable (he makes the sparkly vampires from Twilight seem positively terrifying by comparison), with Pruett his young love rival.Flat direction, zero gore, a hilarious turn from Kemp (he's comedy gold, that much is true!), risible dialogue, and Alyssa's tits. 4/10.

While reading old Fangoria magazines I came across an article about this flick that it should be a must see because it's all about vampires on an erotic way and that the director Anne Goursaud was going to make a spin-off of Poison Ivy called Lily. It never came that far and I can understand why because this flick here is a big failure.There's a bit of a vampire walking around and the first minute looked great but once we move towards nowadays this flick turns into a boring flick. There's not that much of vampirism going on, the only thing we have is a catholic 17 year old girl ( Alyssa Milano) turning into a nympho, and that's what you will get, turning into a sexy looking college socks wearing mini skirted chick showing it off for the viewer, she will have lesbian sex, strips down for the camera (unwilling), having gang bangs and does show a lot of her body, no this isn't horror this is just Alyssa showing her naked body over and over again. Like Martin Kemp (the vampire) should sing with his band Spandau Ballet, 'much is true'.Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 0,5/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0/5

Two stars, one for each of Alyssa Milano's nipples. This snore fest is notable only for Alyssa's nude scenes, obviously at a time in her career when she was concerned that she'd be relegated to the child star dump bin unless she did something drastic. No sense belabouring the plot; it doesn't even function much as a vampire movie, so don't include it your 'Fangoria list of vamp flicks.' And Alyssa's hooters, while substantial, aren't even that attractive, IMO. Oh, and Martin Kemp, who WAS effective in the great English flick 'The Krays' with brother Gary, must have had a lobotomy in the interim, because he walks through this like a man relieved of his frontal lobes. And no-one else, including the fetching Jordan Ladd (Cheryl's little girl) can act, not that they have anything to work with. My advice? Fast forward to minute 50 and get an eyeful of Alyssa's considerable assets, and abandon as soon as she puts her shirt back on.