The Secret Village (2013)

Undescribable Perfection

This movie is the proof that the world is becoming a sick and dumb place

Don't listen to the negative reviews

This is a dark and sometimes deeply uncomfortable drama

Will make things clear right now. This is in no way intended to sound hate-filled or like a reviewer who hates everything review. Quite the contrary. Am actually a fair reviewer with a love of film of all decades, genres and regardless of what the budget is. IMDb's lowest possible ratings are very rarely given out by me, and also have no bias against low-budget films, there are watchable, and even good, ones out there.'The Secret Village' (called 'Salem Witch Hunters' in my country but will call it by the title that in my view sounds more appropriate and more relevant to my feelings on the film) is not one of them. It is actually one of the worst ever examples to me, and not only has a recent viewing for any film been this bad it is one of the worst films ever viewed. Am being serious about this and am imagining the jaws-dropping-to-the-floor-in-disbelief reactions from some right now. Where to begin criticising a film where everything is done so catastrophically badly and where nothing is halfway good? 'The Secret Village' is very ugly visually, especially in the headache-inducing editing, one of the worst cases where a film has made me physically ill. In no way is this intended to be a joke, flippant or malicious, but for anybody epileptic or with any neurological condition, beware, this film should come with a health warning. Apologies if any offense has been caused, that is not the intention. Music is very important to me in film, the music here is dire and perhaps one of the worst ever, even failed composition projects of pre-GCSE music students have written better than what is heard here, a score so inappropriate tonally and in mood and placement as well as sounding cheap it is embarrassing. The direction is non-descript. Have no better news about the script and story, the latter being the worst thing about 'The Secret Village'. The script is horrendously stilted and very intelligence insulting. The practically non-existent story never gets going and never knows what to do with itself in terms of tone or even anything. There is no tension, no horror and no suspense, just non-stop cheese and dullness, and then there is the jumpy structure and constant and often downright confusing back and forth that renders things borderline incoherent, coming from somebody who likes to think that their comprehension is just fine. Regarding the characters, no effort is made to develop them, when they are not coming and going without reason and the few times it's obvious who is who, and they are also really annoying. For a secret village, the film does very little if anything to explore that and make it clearer, what makes this village secret comes over as at the end remaining a secret. The pacing is some of the most erratic for any film, on both spectrums of rushed and dull. The acting is barely worth mentioning, with the leads being atrocious. In summary, incredibly bad and not worth visiting a second time. 1/10 Bethany Cox

I'm not entirely sure why so many people dislike this movie. It's really good. Throughout the entire movie I was getting the Alfred Hitchcock, Psycho movie vibe, but somehow this movie seemed to express much better acting qualities. I fell in love with the obvious romance between the two roommates and then grew involved with the plot. I was biting my fingernails terrified on what would happen next. The music was also really good. You should watch this movie if you love good movies. Really this is really good, I recommend.

I'm not sure some of the people who left terrible reviews have actually ever seen "real" B movies. This was not the worst film I've seen, especially considering it's very low budget. The lead up to the "big reveal" wasn't executed well, which I think let down some viewers. But overall the story was decent, acting was alright (again, those who think this film had bad acting... I don't think they know the meaning of it), and I thought the "twist" at the end was kinda clever. Yes, there are many typical B movie features. This is after all, a low budget production. But that said, I think this movie is getting a worse rap than it deserves, which is the only reason I'm leaving this review. As far as the random low budget movies on streaming services goes, this film was alright.

Anyone who cares about spending their free time on good quality entertainment should not watch this movie. It was a complete waste of time, since it didn't have any good parts, acting was horrible, plot was completely random, new characters randomly popping on and off all the time, a complete mess, not a movie. The worst part was the horrible background sound, all the time playing some overly dramatic music where there was no need for that. Just don't watch it, one of the worst movies i have ever seen if not the worst one. All the good reviews are fake, because there is absolutely no one in the world who would find this movie appealing, i can assure you that.