Legendary Amazons (2011)

Truly the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater

Boring

Bad Acting and worse Bad Screenplay

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

When a General his killed, his wife and various female members of his family set off to pill his military shoes. That's as close as I can get in a synopsis with going into vast detail - detail which seems unnecessary when this biggish budget Chinese film is largely combat sequences.If you like large battle scenes, lots of one-on-one wire-fu and the like, you're going to enjoy this. But if you're not familiar with lots of Chinese actresses, you're going to get confused. Assorted members of this military clan are introduced together with little identifying captions about what their swords are called, and then you never know who each one is until they - spoiler! - get killed.There is some dodgy CGI, especially at the start. It gets bloodier as it does on, and it really shouldn't because the CGI blood doesn't convince.I've decided I like Cecilia Cheung.This DVD from Poundland held my attention, but I'm not in a big hurry to see it again.

Let's get this out of the way first of all: LEGENDARY AMAZONS has nothing to do with Amazons at all; instead, it's a fairly straightforward and normal-for-the-genre Chinese historical war film about a legendary band of warrior women who are forced into going to war to battle an invading army. It's colourful stuff for sure, packed with unrealistic but cool-looking costumes and plentiful action; indeed, at least 70% of the film seems to be made up of one fight scene after the next, all aided with wirework and CGI effects that keep characters and weapons flying all over the place.Here's the unusual bit: LEGENDARY AMAZONS also happens to be one of the cheesiest films I've seen in a while. Chinese historicals are usually po-faced and deadly serious, like with THREE KINGDOMS or BATTLE OF WITS. Not so this film: the script is leaden and the performances so awful and self-conscious that they veer on self-parody. The worst offender is the absolutely diabolical Cecilia Cheung, who takes woodenness to new levels; apparently she's a big actress over in the East, but you wouldn't know it from her scene-chewing here.Still, despite (or maybe because of) all the unintentional humour, LEGENDARY AMAZONS turns out to be a whole lot of fun. The virtually non-stop action helps, of course, but as a whole the film has a light and vibrant feel that keeps it sweeping merrily along. It's certainly not a classic, and by genre standards it's pretty poor, but is it entertaining? The answer is a resounding 'yes'! It's a riot, and one I look forward to seeing again in the future.

When I purchased this movie from Amazon, it was with a certain amount of expectation to it; because it had Cecilia Cheung in it, plus it also brandished "impressive" and "a genre breakthrough" on the cover. Uhm, yeah, what genre are they making a breakthrough in? Having seen the movie, I sit here somewhat dazzled. Why? Well, because the movie was only partially as I had expected it to be. The good part about the movie is that it is sort of an epic movie in itself, and they managed to build up a good sense of believability with the sets and the whole feeling to the movie.The armors and the costumes in the movie were amazing to look at. There were so many small details in everything that it was just spectacular. And that is one of the better parts of the movie, because they really managed to bring the feel of the given era to life on the screen.And the battle scenes were grand and mostly epic. Lots of really nice fighting, action and choreography here. You might notice that I said 'mostly'. Yeah, because there were scenes during the fight that were painfully obviously staged and looked that way as well.The less than impressive aspects of the movie, were many of the death scenes were just hilarious to look at, reminding me of something from the old black and white movie genre. You see someone struggling, then falling down awkwardly and laying still. It was just too staged and fake, and most of the death scenes in the movie here were just among some of the worst death scenes I have seen in similar movies.Another thing that didn't really aid the movie in its progress was the way the director attempted to mix epic warfare with the petty feudal matters of a house in the royal Chinese army. It just seemed a little bit too much - delving a bit too far into being a Chinese soap opera.And finally, there were just too many characters to keep track of, and you just ended up shrugging your shoulders whenever one of the Yang family died, because you had no idea who it was or had any particular kind of 'on-screen relationship' to that person. It was like they were all extras in the frame just to add to the chaos.In overall, then "Legendary Amazons" - despite its cheesy title - is an average movie of this genre; nothing breakthrough to be had here. There are far better movies available in the same genre. And truth be told, then Cecilia Cheung and Richie Ren did little to raise the appeal of the movie. It was a fairly average experience, and hence, the 5 out of 10 rating from me.

If there's a question I can ask director Frankie Chan, it will be whether he's genuinely proud of this effort. He's a veteran, and there's no denying that he's done a handful of entertaining films I've grown up with. There's no lack of funding in making this film, from the numerous costumes, weaponry, and sheer logistics in staging large scaled battles, coupled with special effects that looked really slipshod, but this one really took the cake in the disrespect shown toward production values on the whole, and with that insulted the technical craftsmanship of those who work hard in the industry, having their craft sullied by quick hacks who couldn't care less about quality so long as they get a semblance of something done. It's as if the producers had paid Cecilia Cheung millions from their budget, then realized their folly as they ran out of funds to ensure quality in their delivery such that corners had to be cut, and cut in the most disgraceful manner.Battle scenes were so obviously switched from outdoor shoots to interior sound stages with badly done green screen effects, and the action choreography itself was lacking in ideas that it started to be unintentionally funny, from obvious speeding up of frames to compensate for the actresses lack of martial arts background, to horses definitely on a slow trot rather than being ridden at top speed to escape pursuing enemies. I could have sworn the cast were just going through the motion during production, with little care being taken to ensure some form of proper stance adopted to make them credible warriors. Believability is something never considered at all by anyone in the film, and the wire work utilized here is nothing short of embarrassing the craftsman who had perfected the art of executing such moves seamlessly and without much fanfare. At best, it looked like Chinese Opera (no offense intended), with many twirls and gentle combat passing off as intense life or death battles Boasting a cast of veterans such as Ritchie Jen, Kathy Chow, Cheng Peipei and Cecilia Cheung herself amongst other relative unknowns to make up the numbers of 10 or more of the widowers from the Yang family who had to step up and be counted when the sole male bloodline is called upon to lead grossly outnumbered troops against the enemy. We learn who they all are, right down to their maiden names and weapons of choice, but frankly you would only remember the many poor wirework and effects trying to pass the characters off as formidable warriors. What you would get is the sorry feeling for any self-respecting performer having to put up with sub-standard support that calls for the actresses to be at their best to avoid laughing at themselves, keeping a straight face to deliver cringeworthy lines and juvenile action pieces.Which is a pity, because there was so much potential hidden in the film that went unrealized, if only they had paid a lot more attention to what story they want to tell rather than to take on every caricature, and added depth to the romantic story contained within, which came complete with some lesbian undertones as well. But I digress. In summary it's summer blockbuster material with a very simple plot of good versus evil, with the former being outnumbered and hampered from victory no thanks to corrupt officials, and the reliance of their strategies and wits to defeat both the enemy from within and the larger invasion forces. If done right that is. Big action pieces were assembled haphazardly, with the ones that took the cake involving Raiders of the Lost Ark type giant rolling balls on fire, and the constructing of human bridges so ridiculous it has to be seen to be believed. Characters came and went according to their conveniences when doing battle, that the initial strategy of flanking and outflanking the enemy, and the employment of military deceit, turned out to be nothing but one complete, incoherent mess.The filmmakers could have just gotten away with it if not for the very amateurish martial arts on display, since in my opinion good kungfu trounces the need of a proper plot, though not always. What's legendary in this film, was clearly the blatant slip shoddiness of its filmmaking, grossly insulting all paying audiences by conning their hard earned dollar to deliver something even if made in the 1970s, will be frowned upon for its lack of artistic merit and integrity. The subtitle in Mandarin refers to how military orders are like mountains, unmovable and expected to be followed to the letter, and would have served as a pretty awesome crux to the entire movie, but in reality these scenes became jokes, and the only unmovable experience was the innate need to see just how bad this film will go and stoop to.Films such as Legendary Amazons can be made with Mainland funding, but please either have a little quality control or stop meddling with a veteran filmmaker's vision (I have an inkling Frankie Chan could have suffered interference from those who hold the purse strings), and restrict its distribution to a home market that is perhaps a lot more forgiving than markets abroad, where competition in quality is keener, and any average films put side by side will make them look like masterpieces. Avoid at all cost, unless you have plenty of time to burn, in which I would recommend you'd get more kick out of watching paint dry. The Yang Family Warriors this is not, but more like The Yang Family Circus Clown Troupe.