The Black Windmill (1974)

The Worst Film Ever

Sorry, this movie sucks

While it is a pity that the story wasn't told with more visual finesse, this is trivial compared to our real-world problems. It takes a good movie to put that into perspective.

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

Under the spreading chestnut tree When I held you on my knee, we were happy as can be Under the spreading chestnut tree.Under the spreading chestnut tree I'll kiss you and you'll kiss me Oh how happy we will be Under the spreading chestnut tree" They say the chestnut tree symbolizes honesty ,charity and justice.So this song which could seem somewhat irrelevant over the cast and credits and is heard again in the last scene (sung by a school children choir).And if the message is not clear enough ,the letters of the credits are written on small cubes and when they are in trouble,Caine and his wife take the pseudos of Mr Trapp and Maria,cause they've seen "the sound of music" four or five times with their abducted child . Many things will remind you of "the man who knew too much" (essentially second version) ,even a song plays the role of "que sera sera" .A good private joke even mentions Sean Connery ,future co-star of Caine in "the man who would be king" In spite of the run of the mill plot,Don Siegel makes the best of it ,with strong scenes and an accelerated tempo :the opening sequence ,with the "military" men, gives the jitter ;Delphine Seyrig,an extremely talented French actress famous for her parts in Demy's Truffaut's and Bunuel's movies finds here her first part of a villainess.Hear how she smoothly speaks!She was fluent in English so she was not dubbed! ,fortunately ! Unlike so many veterans trapped in the seventies ,Don "body snatchers" Siegel carried on with exciting movies:the stunning "beguiled" -which tops both "Harry" and "Escape from Alcatraz" which are not flabby stuff either-"the Shootist" with a terminally-ill John Wayne .

Implausible plot. Cheesy special effects. One of the worst acted films I have ever seen. Stand wooden faced, then scowl and shout. Over and over. Given the caliber of the actors and since they were all doing it, I have to blame the director. Unwatchable. I gave it a two because it was not actively offensive, just really, really bad.-------------"And wasn't that Richard Attenborough playing the jeweler visited by the two men from New Scotland Yard"I thought the exact same thing. It was the highlight of the movie. Too bad he wasn't in the rest of the movie. He must have read the script.

A poor plot with several holes in it and pretty feeble acting and those 1970's haircuts! The police in this film were pretty dumb but they didn't need to be clever as the crooks were not much smarter and no one was nasty. Oh happy days!

Michael Caine has always been one my favorite actors, but unfortunately he often starred in mediocre-at-best vehicles and had roles that wasted his talents. "Black Windmill" is such a vehicle: long, confusing, flat, nasty, interminable and thoroughly routine. The picture does show some occasional signs of wit (watch for the early scene where the name "Sean Connery" is mentioned), but is really marred by its clumsy editing during the (few) action scenes. Even Caine himself just goes through the motions. At least the movie has the blue-eyed John Vernon, who makes a convincing villain.