Modern Vampires (1998)

It’s an especially fun movie from a director and cast who are clearly having a good time allowing themselves to let loose.

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

Unshakable, witty and deeply felt, the film will be paying emotional dividends for a long, long time.

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties. It's a feast for the eyes. But what really makes this dramedy work is the acting.

I'm sorry I had to fast-forward this crappy film to the ending just to see how it ends after 15 minutes of watching it. It's tasteless trash instead of being bloody good or even semi-good.From what I've seen, It's overly gory, lame excuses to show nudity, stupid story, and just overall dumb. Now I understand the low rating and bad reviews on this film garbage.If you love Vampires and Comedy-Horror films then watch a film like "Love at First Bite", "Dracula, Dead and Loving It" or even "Abbott and Costello Meets Frankenstein" (Bela Lugosi plays Dracula in that one). Forget this Modern day Vampire trash film. It's not worth the time to watch it. There are MUCH better films on the market than this.It gets 1 star from me ONLY because of Kim Cattrall and Casper Van Dien both looked hot in the film and I'm forced to give a 1 star minimum.1/10

Ferocious and mysterious vampire prostitute Nico (a pleasingly saucy portrayal by Natasha Gregson Wagner) prowls the streets for victims in Los Angeles. Nico teams up with renegade vampire Dallas (smoothly played by Casper Van Dien) in order to protect herself from a secret community of bloodsucking snobs who want to destroy her. Meanwhile, the batty Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (a gloriously hammy Rod Steiger) enlists the assistance of a motley crew of black gang bangers to aide him on his mission to eradicate vampires off the face of the earth.Director Richard Elfman keeps the entertainingly loopy story moving along at a zippy pace, maintains an engaging campy tone throughout, and delivers plenty of gore, nudity, and deviant sexuality (it turns out humans can be transformed into vampires if they do the nasty with a bloodsucker!). Matthew Bright's wickedly witty script not only puts a few fresh spins on the standard vampire premise (in an especially nice touch, Van Helsing is depicted as an ex-Nazi), but also pokes hilariously wacky fun at the haughty, decadent, and superficial lifestyle of the Californian upper-class. Moreover, it's acted with zest by an enthusiastic cast: Gabriel Casseus as easygoing homeboy Time Bomb, Kim Cattrall as the sultry and predatory Ulrike, Craig Ferguson as jolly Brit Richard, Robert Pastorelli as fearsome top dog the Count, Natalya Andreychenko as the elegant Panthia, Natasha Lyonne as ditsy party girl Rachel, and Udo Kier as the suavely depraved Vincent. Robin Brown's glossy cinematography provides a slick'n'stylish look. A total hoot.

Only in America can vampires expect to call for garbage pickup. No messy disposal problems here. As a vampire author, I'd far rather see vampire movies that feature something new, rather than rehashing the old myths - no matter how well it's done. (For a similar new take on vampires, though hardly as funny, be sure to see Dance of the Damned) Actually, though Modern Vampires seems to strive to be intentionally bad, this makes it very funny, very hip though certainly not for everyone.I loved it for the early humor (The scene with the bitchy salesperson in the dress shop was worth the rental price all by itself), and was sad to see the over the top end did not work quite as well as the first half.

I had to stop and ask: Am I laughing because it's stupid? or am I laughing because it's funny. That seems to be the dilemma. It took several viewings for me to determine the outcome of that quandary.While there are some excellent elements here, both in the genre of horror and comedy, the blend is terribly uneven. This movie tries to be unpredictable and raw, but instead, what it delivers is anything but the sophisticated humor it promises. It is not quite the giggle-fest some seem to think it is; for the most part, there was more eye-rolling than genuine laughs.Kim Cattrall adds to this production what sophistication there is, while Casper Van Dien lends the eye candy element for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing.The principal wretched element in this movie was Dr. Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) and his hapless sidekick, Time Bomb (Gabriel Casseus of "Fallen"). As in they are a joke, rather than being funny, they are just ridiculous as vampire hunters. The way their first victim just lies there and waits for Time Bomb to sort out his probational priorities with Van Helsing's heart attack before he is killed, was just infantile. His "Black Pack" pushing the van chasing after the bad guys was just stupid.I honestly have no idea what to make of the ratings this movie has received. I fully appreciate and love dark humor, but this just is not it. This is some cheap teen-aged-level rip off of dark humor. It's not even good enough to be considered true camp.The general consensus here at the Fiend's house is that it's funny because it is stupid, rather than being cleverly witty. Does that make it good camp? or just another inanity?I have two votes for inanity, and it is a conclusion with which I tend to agree. That not withstanding, this movie does have a few enjoyability factors. I did learn one thing from this movie: if you're on fire, you can't put yourself out with a garden hose. It is absolutely putrid! It rates a 2/10 from...the Fiend :.