Poolhall Junkies (2003)

Simply A Masterpiece

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

The acting in this movie is really good.

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

You wouldn't be wrong for mistaking Poolhall Junkies as a cocky vanity project for writer/director/star Gregory 'Mars' Callahan (who looks like Jason Lee and Casey Affleck had an affably obnoxious man-baby). Still, it's a slick, snappy sports romp, propelled by a spectacular funky score, and, with the help of some choice casting, more fun than it has any right to be. The story is a tale as old as time, but Callahan wisely ricochets off the main criticism with the most beloved Paul Newman pool precedents (too much talk, not enough pool!), and recognizes that a sterling sports movie is made in its games, not the background drama. The pool hall scenes are flawlessly shot (pun!) with vivacious, crackling energy, and plentiful enough to keep the film breezy and bumping.The writing on the whole is about as high school calibre as you'd expect, from the hip smack talk posturing which reaches eye-rolling heights at times, to each and every poor female characters, risibly written as 'Male Love Interest Validation Device 101' (Alison Eastwood - yes, Clint's daughter - gamely shoulders the worst of this). Still, some exchanges are goofy enough to genuinely raise laughs, and the cast are all so visibly relaxed and cheery it's hard not to take to them. Callahan himself aces the cocksure swagger, which is enough to carry him through his less impressive melodramatic asides, and he shares some good banter with his younger brother, played by Smallville's Michael Rosenbaum, who, with hair, recalls the wholesome cheekiness of a young Paul Rudd. Chazz Palminteri's thuggish backer-turned-mortal enemy and Christopher Walken's 'Daddy Warbucks deus ex-machina' may be dopily motivated plot devices rather than characters, but they're both hugely charismatic enough to make it worth the while. Palminteri may be the most stereotypical mobster actor in the industry, but he pours on the threat here, while Walken matches him with enough sly jubilance to reaffirm him as the coolest cat around, owning two characteristic monologues, and nailing an impossibly hard trick shot in one take. Finally, Rod Steiger is delightfully gruff as the pool hall owner with a heart of gold in his final film appearance here.There are few surprises here as the plot doles out, but the hustling extends beyond the narrative: Poolhall Junkies is too jaunty and enjoyable not to take to. It's not as thought out or engaging as The Hustler (or even The Colour of Money), but Callahan keeps things energetic throughout, and benefits from going shot for shot between pool and drama. Whenever the balls are racked and James Brown blares, Poolhall Junkies has too much moxie not to drink the kool aid, and soak up the sweat of the pool hall anew.-7/10

I went ahead and did the spoiler alert anyway just to be safe, even though I plan to speak generally about the world of pool and what a HORRIBLE job this movie did in portraying it.At the time this movie came out in 2003, steady business within pool halls that catered only to pool players was (and still is) all but extinct. The movie The Hustler came out in the sixties, and all of the sudden everyone went out and bought a pool cue and starting frequenting pool halls because that movie had made it seem just so awesome. Just as that was dying down about twenty years later, the sequel (The Color of Money) came out and gave the pool industry the kick in the pants it needed again. Fast forward another 20 years, with pool's popularity on the wane, and this movie is released, the only problem is that it, yeah, it's not very good. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: REAL POOL PLAYERS DO NOT PLAY 8 BALL, EVER! If you decide you want to play the game and you get to the point where you can beat everyone at the local pub in a game of 8 Ball, you've still got a long way to go if you want a respectable reputation amongst those who play 9 Ball, Straight Pool, 1 Pocket, and various forms of Bank. 8 Ball is what the kids down at the Y are playing, and it is so popular because it gives an advantage to the less skilled player. Say you make 4 of your balls and your opponent hasn't made 1 yet, you're doing good, right? Wrong. You now have less to shoot at and your opponent's balls are likely getting in your way. You'd think not making a shot would be a disadvantage to him, but it ends up being some sort of Bizarro World defense. So the fact that this movie depicts what are supposed to be gods of the game going head to head in some epic game of 8 Ball is utterably laughable, but not the kind of laugh they were likely going for.Let me make another thing perfectly clear: A REAL HUSTLER WOULD NEVER WEAR A SHIRT THAT READS "HUSTLER" SO THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS IT! It is a common notion that a pool hustler just keeps slaughtering his opponents and they are dumb enough to keep agreeing to play for more money. A real hustler must play down his game at all times, all the while never letting his opponent know how good he is. He must make his opponent feel like he legitimately had a shot at winning, that way he will keep playing. If the hustler and his opponent are playing a race to 5 series, his opponent will likely win 4 of those games, not because of his own skill, but because of the hustler's skill at throwing games while looking like he was trying to win. Hustlers don't frequent the "pool halls" that have a huge full service bar that attracts hot twenty something women on Friday nights. Hustlers are in dark and seedy pool rooms on a Tuesday night playing people of their own caliber and often begging the owners to stay open another hour.If some dude in a faux hawk and his Hustler tee shirt challenges you to a game of 8 Ball, have no fear, he's a sap.But while he is a sap in the real world of pool, he is the hero of this bastardization of not only the pool industry but also cinema as a whole. This movie could have not only illustrated what's going on these days in pool halls, but it could have also given this generation a genuine interest in the game, had it been done right. In the Hustler, they played straight pool, which was relevant and reflective to the time the movie was released. In The Color of Money, the played 9 Ball, a game whose accelerated pace was also reflective of the time the film was released. I guess, in a way, Poolhall Junkies reflected its period, but not for pool players, but rather for non pool players who think they are pool players. They throw around cliché terminology (that no one uses anymore) and introduce a few lame hustles and tricks to look out for that could ONLY go over on a non pool playing audience.I'm sorry to say, and I never thought I would have to, but not even Christopher Walken could save this bad boy.

This movie is a straight-up combination of Rounders, Diner, and The Color of Money. It is hard to watch for a single minute without thinking in the back of your head that you've seen the same exact thing somewhere else before. The acting leans towards wooden (except for the typically excellent Christopher Walken) and the script thinks it's more clever than it really is (example, the gag "hustle" about the RV salesman's shoes).As a pool player, it's fun to see pool on film. Two caveats though. First, most of the pool footage is so zoomed-in that the shots are obviously being done by someone else in a different location, and it's jarring and distracting. Of course the actors can't all be expert pool players but it would be nice to see some of the clothing and scenery that you would expect, and not just balls on tables. Second, the characters are almost always playing 9-ball but also almost always trying to pocket all the balls, which is unrealistic. This may be a concession that a general audience will not know the rules of 9-ball but to anyone who does, it makes the pool scenes surreal.Overall though I appreciate movies about pool and this movie is a solid effort, particularly at its relatively low production cost of $4M, so, a strong 7/10.

Seriously. This entire film was a bunch of incredibly contrived garbage. Alison Eastwood acts like a piece of wood. The writer/director/star of this movie couldn't act or write or direct.Case in point, this ridiculous mini-scene at an RV lot: "I'll bet you (something ridiculous) I can tell you where you got your shoes." "Yeah, where?" "You got your left shoe on your left foot and your right shoe on your right foot." (Cut to next scene, with the con accomplished.) What a load of crap! Anyone who has ever been to New Orleans knows that old line.I believe that this is a bold cinematic misadventure. This film is terrible on every level. I would encourage the filmmaker to cut his losses and go back to barber college or clown school or anything that requires him NOT to be in front of or behind the camera.