Emmanuelle - The Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula (2004)

Simply A Masterpiece

hyped garbage

As Good As It Gets

As somebody who had not heard any of this before, it became a curious phenomenon to sit and watch a film and slowly have the realities begin to click into place.

Since first staying up until 3 AM to watch my first "Black Emmanuelle" movie (with Laura Gemser) on Cinemax as a young teenager I have (perhaps foolishly) seen just about every movie with the name "Emmanuelle" attached to the title. Trust me then when I say that this series has hit rock bottom and is feverishly starting to dig. The series never was good, but when it took itself halfway seriously it at least used to occasionally achieve camp. Nowadays it aims straight for camp and almost always fails miserably. I wish I could say that this is the worst "Emmanuelle" film ever, but there has also in recent years been "Emmanuelle's Pie" (a sorry-ass parody of "American Pie") and "Emmanuelle in Space" (an unspeakable abomination not even redeemed by a perpetually naked Krista Allen). This movie, like those, is really little more than a title dreamed up by corporate suits to separate horny, dateless fools from their money.I agree with previous reviewers that the actresses are very attractive and I give kudos to their plastic surgeons (it's amazing Dracula doesn't die of a toxic overdose of saline and silicone). But watching this or any of these other "Skinemax" premieres is like spending eternity at a strip club in the Ninth Circle of Hell watching the same female silicates doing the same routines to the same horrible music over and over and over. . . (I'm actually starting to miss the late Italian sleazemeister Joe D'Amato who would have these women manually stimulating horses or something, which might be totally un-erotic, but at least wouldn't be boring). I just can't take it anymore. So to anyone reading this: if they EVER make another make another halfway decent "Emmanuelle" movie, please send me a private message and let me know. But for right now I'm through!

A shadowy stranger {played by Ernesto Perdomo} "happens" upon a slumber party whose car just 'conveniently' breaks down in front of their house, out in an isolated location. Clad in black with piercing eyes, he retains a surprisingly evolved manner of deportment, charming the ladies with his allure. A veritable incubus, it is revealed that he just so happens to specialize in manifesting their deepest desires, and bestows orgasmic bliss with a mere thought - the power of suggestion and hypnotic ecstasy. One by one they are transformed into creatures of the night after experiencing heightened sensations of erotic epitome. Even one prudish shrew who initially resists is swept up into the whirlwind of lust. A veritable Bachannal erupts as secret desires are indulged.Some particularly enjoyable scenes include the apparent application of sympathetic Magic, utilizing an effigy to seduce several women and induce pleasure beyond their wildest dreams, as they are awakened to the highest potential of their succulent flesh. Somewhere along the line, two male strippers arrive attired in Police uniforms, who end up playing key roles as they are also manipulated by "The Dark One" to commit some nefarious deeds to enrapture the women and spread the influence of the undead. All submit except for 'Emmanuel', a lovely Nordic character whose sinemaerotic saga spans decades in various incarnations, this one played by Natasja Vermeer; and even through her own application of wit and guile, cannot completely destroy the vampire, as he finally materializes as the element of fire in the end. For some reason, probably in an attempt at climactic drama, "The Dark One" is removed in favor of a lesser "actor" {Marcus De Anda} who plays the role of Dracula, although "The Dark One" was already quite well suited already, and could have played that role better.For those who enjoy "Gothic" and vampire fetish, this film contains liberal uses of fog, dramatic lighting, nice sets, attractive performers, stimulating accoutrement, fangs, and reasonably acceptable 'acting' {especially that of Perdomo}; while no 'Caligula', "Emmanuel vs. Dracula" definitely stands out amongst the plethora of typical erotica fare.

This was the worst five seconds of crap I had to endure. For some reason I saw the title, it cracked me up, and I knew what I was getting into, horrible script (if any) and tons of naked women, and somewhere a vampire? Well, I turned it on. After about two seconds of that top notch acting, it was off. How horrible. I even sat through Astro Zombies, so I can tell you that when I quit watching a movie... Then again, I should have known what I was getting into with this gem, but even I set SOME standards. I mean, add some kung-fu, maybe a midget. DO SOMETHING!!! I mean T&A may carry a movie sometimes, but this wasn't even good T&A. These were all tramps trying to be cool. Hey, Ben Kingsley is a great actor, but I wouldn't have him try to play Billie Holiday! You is what you is and that's all you is. The entire film should have been the caped baddie walking around strip joints and biting hookers. LIke I said, throw in a midget, kung-fu, or maybe a chainsaw and you may have had something. Thumbs up? Thumbs down? I give this movie the finger!

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*I saw this on cable the other night. Vampires invade a party. Emmanuelle gets suspicious. Since she is worldlier than the other girls, she knows what these undead studs are up to. Why, they want to have sex with the women! Shocking! After the girls have been with the vamps, they turn into vampire women. You'll know they're vampires by the amount of lipstick and eyeliner they use. It has to be heavy if you want to be a vampire babe. Emmanuelle must make a desperate, last ditch attempt to save her friends and the movie by finally having sex with someone. It's too late Emmanuelle."Emmanuelle vs. Dracula". That is a powerful B-movie title. It had a lot to live up to. It failed miserably. Here's another attempt to be cleverer than the movie needs to be. All of the sex scenes are edited in a blender. The camera can't stay still for five seconds. Although I've probably seen Beverly Lynne have more sex than I need to, it would have been nice if the camera would have stopped moving for a second and concentrate on her. The star of the show, Emmanuelle, doesn't even have sex until the last ten minutes! This is Emmanuelle? What the heck is she waiting for? The credits to start rolling? The worst part is her sex scene wasn't even that good.Ahh, whatever. Another late night disaster. Skip this one. There are better Emmanuelle movie out there to be seen. A lot better.