Holding the Man (2016)

Pretty Good

Don't listen to the negative reviews

best movie i've ever seen.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

I should have remembered that a movie which opens with a scene from Romeo and Juliet is not going to leave me feeling light and happy. Holding the Man lived up to the expectation.In the sphere of tragedy amidst love I choose to not watch or ready anymore. Too many people I've loved are now dead. I am now in the green room so to speak, although I hope my call to my final performance is years away. Nevertheless I my mind now includes the deceased names of people I've loved or at least liked but are no longer here in bodily form.Watching Holding the Man did not lighten that load any. Hell, it may have added some weight.That is what is damnable about this movie. It does not let up. It's trajectory of love finding its own level is frustrating at times but seems to be clear. Cupids arrow is direct and the love between these boys is direct. Parents get in the way but they find their way. That's great and leads me to think this will be a movie with a happy ending.Then the scene. Our first introduction to AIDS in the movie suddenly shifts the direction of what could have been a pleasant train ride. The train hit a switch which sends the train, John and Tim and us in a very different direction. A direction I wish it did not go.Do I sound like Debbie Downer? Let's just say that the movie is so well done that it carried me through several emotions (including the "Don't do that, you'll be discovered" sort of emotion). Then it rides into the tragedy that AIDS through into our lives. The inevitable, unfair, unjust crime of nature against humanity.Include the awful scene of John's memorial service where Tim sits in a row with everyone else, and where the priest expresses gratitude to Tim and another friend for being with John during his last few months.I could not help but want to stand in that church and scream at the priest, "F#% liar!" I really wish someone did. But that apparently did not happen.It did make me realize that religions such as Catholicism are still babies where the real world is concerned. As an institution its leadership are adults who refuse to grow up and deal with reality. Not to neglect when religious groups stand against evil in the world. But where sexuality is concerned so many religious remain children. They are incompetent to dealing with matters of sexuality.Don't know if or when I can watch this film again. It is just too painful to know that such beautiful, Heavenly blessed love between two boys who grow into men, who still love each other in ways that religious folks often can only fantasize about, were removed from this life so quickly and so easily.A beautiful, lovely movie. There were times when I was wondering where it was going. The length is a bit much. But for excellent story telling, using the power of film this movie deserves a rating of 10.

When you rate a film a 10, the review is harder because it usually means you are gushing with so much good news about the film, that you don't know where to begin.I'll just hit three points, and to be safe, I'M REPEATING MY SPOILER ALERT HERE. THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS. 1. The casting is fantastic. The chemistry between Ryan and Craig is unlike anything I've ever seen in film, and I'm an oldie with an almost catalog knowledge of classic films. So, going back to the 1930s, I can't remember when I've seen two on-screen lovers who were more engaging and compelling. By the time the story ends, you feel like you gained and lost two great friends, so REAL is their relationship with each other. It translates over to a wonderful invitation to US, and we end up feeling lost when we lose them. (Yes, because this movie sticks with one well after one has seen it, I may be clouded by that glow, but, for now, that is my assessment of their chemistry.) 2. If you lived through the '80s and early '90s, as an adult, this film will resonate well and actually dredge up some horrifying memories of the time. If you have children in their 20s, it's even more oddly devastating to see (double spoiler alert here) two men being given a death sentence in their mid-twenties. (Triple spoiler alert here.) Although it takes years for the executioner to arrive, they are handed that death sentence at a very young age (25 - John; and 26 - Tim). To watch them have to cope with that as a couple, to see them thrown into such a nightmare at such a young age is tragic on an epic level. The day they get the bad news, they should be thinking about first jobs and maybe buying a car. It's astounding what they are instead handed. The grace with which they approach it is heartbreaking to watch.3. (Quadruple spoiler alert here.) Hearing Tim's voice at the end SLAYS. The constant stiff upper lip of both of their journeys is the thing that makes this film stick with you for hours or days after you see it. It's the dictionary definition of impressive. It impresses itself on you with its hard truths and horrid reality: Two people you grow to love leave you at the end of the film, and they do it bravely. It breaks your heart and leaves you with a strange longing.

I wouldn't call this the best gay biography movie I've ever seen because when the scene where Tim takes a break from John, he was seen having sex with other guys and I'm thinking to myself 'Is he gonna just move on from John or is he cheating on him too?'. I honestly wonder if the real Tim really did jump the gun with other guys? That I don't know....Even if I thought the movie was a little confusing, it does give you a feeling of what AIDS involves and how it effects loved ones.Maybe if it was one hour and fifty minutes then 2 hours, the movie would be a lot easier in understanding to follow. It was heartbreaking that John unfortunately died from the disease and seeing the rest of the family including Tim, was very devastating.It does show you that AIDS is a very deadly disease and for those who have it, must go to a doctor immediately.

This has been a favourite book of mine for many years, one I always have a few spare copies of to lend out to people, not because I think the literary skills are phenomenal but because I think it is a beautiful story of passion, lust, leaving and love. I've tried not to include spoilers in my review but there are one or two things that really perhaps are if you haven't already read the book or are aware of the story of Tim and John.I saw the play in London some years back, and thought it cleverly done, and I had hoped to see it one day become a movie. Whilst I didn't doubt there would be some challenges in doing this, I thought it had potential to be retold in the cinematic form as beautifully as it is told in written form.Let me start by saying I think the Actors were well chosen and performed very well. The character of the two lead personalities of the book were to a large extent captured, Tim's extroversion to John's quiet thoughtfulness. I thought the roles of both sets of parents were equally well played, with the supporting friend roles perhaps being a little bit neither here nor there in terms of what I think they really bought to the film (unlike their roles in the book).What I did think was missing was much of the actual story, there were for me many parts missing, essential parts that enabled me as a reader to understand some of the decisions and directions Tim took in his life, parts of the overall journey he was living and how that impacted John and others around him, by their absence the movie lost something - parts that were rich in the telling were summarised by some random sex scenes and a visit to a gay mens sauna.Whilst I appreciate the need to confidence a book into a film, the absence of these parts of the book left me feeling less like I knew either character, and thus less invested in them. Obviously I knew where the film was going in terms of it's conclusion, and in the book that conclusion was heart rending sadness, real lump in the throat tears on the cheeks stuff.... the movie was more for me just a case of 'yep OK so they put that bit in but left this and that bit out'. I was not able to connect with the characters because so much of their story was missing.Am I glad it was made into a film, yes. Do I wish the script writers had included more, yes. Do I wish the editing perhaps had been a little more judicious in places and possibly a little less ruthless in others, yes. Would i watch it repeatedly, which I do with movies I love, perhaps not so much, and would I recommend others see it now it is becoming available through DVD/Blu-Ray/iTunes - yes, but only if they have not read the book. To me, this movie was a little bit of a disappointment for the reasons stated above, it could have been more, it could have told the viewer more about their lives, their struggles, the way they fought to overcome all that they faced, but really for me it could have created characters for these good actors to inhabit who one could connect with on an emotional level and share the lows and highs, instead, it felt as if they were cardboard cut outs of themselves.As someone now living with HIV myself, I am only too aware of the struggles they faced, times have changed, medication is available but the experiences people went through in those times are all to real in our very recent past, and the stigma, shame and negative attitude is still so prevalent - this story is one of love overcoming all but the worst of times and the worst of situations, it gave and perhaps still gives many hope in finding love in life despite the challenges and in spite of some of the choices we make on purpose. I really just wanted more, more of them, more of the emotion and turmoil, the guilt, the anxiety, the passion and the sense of being denied that was so full in the book. Alas, to me it did not happen.