Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die (1967)

Just perfect...

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

I have a friend who is trying to lose some weight. To accomplish this, he recently went on a banana diet. Whenever he's hungry he just eats a banana. Well it looks like Kelly, the hero of this film, is on the same diet. He eats bananas throughout the movie, to comedic effect and at the most unexpected of times. The man eats a banana while dangling from the back of a moving speedboat! Then he casually tosses the peel into the water!It's a spoof of other spy films, but it never goes too far overboard with the parody like Austin Powers, which is what I love about it. The main character is not an unbelievable buffoon, but a smart, capable, sophisticated spy—not unlike James Bond but with his own, funny personality—with a few good one-liners and who appreciates a good banana. Sure, it's very cheesy at times, but that is balanced with a generous helping of action and a decent storyline, topped off with spot-on performances and fun dialogue. There is one stunt in particular, involving a helicopter and a well-known Brazilian statue that had me on the edge of my seat.This movie is both funny and tense. It's never boring, and every scene has something good in it. Mike Connors is great in the lead role, and he's backed up by some outstanding performances by Susan Fleming and Raf Vallone. However, I particularly enjoyed Terry-Thomas' pitch-perfect performance in the role of an unassuming chauffeur with a few tricks up his sleeve.I saw this film at a revival house in Los Angeles many decades after its release. I was initially intrigued because of the awesomely hilarious title and the strange but funny trailer I'd seen played the previous week at the same theater. Everyone in the theater laughed and had a good time, but after it was over I overheard some of the other people in the theater say that it was so bad it was good. I didn't get that feeling. I just felt like it was good. I haven't been able to find it on home video and I get the feeling that it never received a wide home video release, if any, but if you get a chance to watch it I highly recommend it.

Kiss the Girls and Make them Die has a great title, and since it was shot in 1966, great chic value at this point. Plus it was a studio movie with enough budget to be shot with top shelf cinematography, film stock, and sets (including locations in Brazil), but the actors don't really carry it over the top. Mike Connors is recognizable and active, but his lines aren't the best. It's not edgy or intense enough to shadow James Bond, and not camp enough to be Matt Helm. It's quite a blah in between. ANother problem is there are a LOT ofstylistic and plot 'borrowings' from the specific Bond movie You Only Live Twice, and this undermines it being a parody. Then there are moments when the film inexplicably fails to capitalize on both small and big moments, and just kind of lets them drift away, which is frustrating because at other times you're marvelling at the frame and sets.Most of the female actresses are forgettable, particularly the one who develops into the lead. The arch villain is threatening, but also not maximized, and his henchman is particularly uninteresting, and unconvincing as a bad guy. THe film switches up between serious and campy, and it's just not written clever enough to pull it off.That said, the movie is visually gorgeous, with shots of a Rio De Janiero in the late 1960s, with one fantastic interior after another, a mix of Brazilian culture with mid-century modern. You want to see a Rolls Royce driving a jungle road? You'll see it here. It's too bad the leads weren't more engaging, or given more character in the script to work with.

MASTER PLAN: infertilize the USA's population by eliminating the sexual drive (cripes!) via a launched satellite. This begins as an obvious spoof, showing some scientist getting shot in the jungles while exploring a local tribe's infertility problem, with satirical narration (by actor Michael Hordern, maybe?). It's a very goofy start. But, the action switches to Rio de Janeiro, a nice bit on Corcovado, in and around the famed statue, as an agent played by lead Mike Connors fights off a villain. This sets the tone for the rest of the film, a more sophisticated parody of the James Bond thriller than I first thought, in the vein of "Our Man Flint." There's the typical stuff: use of scorpions & piranha, the odd henchman and the main villain (Vallone) who has sinister grand plans for the world. Provine shows up as a femme fatale with a severely British accent. Terry-Thomas then pops up as an effeminate chauffeur who can handle himself very well in a fight.The exotic locations in Brazil are pretty good; as mentioned in other comments, some of this, including some plot points, seems to have been copied by an actual later Bond film, "Moonraker," though one could argue this happened because this copies earlier Bond films such as "Thunderball" and "Dr.No." The story has some slow parts in the first half, meandering as the hero follows villains and vice-versa. This is reflected in the film's music score, which has a lazy, easy style to it, even during action sequences. As the hero, Connors also ambles his way through, usually laconic or sarcastic, depending on the scene, but projecting toughness. This was just before he began his 8-year run as tough TV private eye "Mannix." To give you an idea of the humor, there's a recurring theme of the hero's fondness for bananas. Things pick up in the latter half when the action shifts to the sci-fi stronghold of the villain. I've heard that this film is a favorite of Quentin Tarantino's. Hero:6 Villains:6 Femme Fatales:6 Henchmen:6 Fights:7 Stunts/Chases:6 Gadgets:6 Auto:4 Locations:7 Pace:6 overall:6

Unlike the MATT HELM or DEREK FLINT films made around the same time, KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM DIE is so terrible that it's absolutely great fun to watch ! 1 year shy of his stint as MANNIX, Mike Connors is sent to Rio de Janiero to stop the evil Mr. Ardonian and his sterility inducing satellite ! Helping Connors is Dorothy Provine as an oh so propper lady spy. Provine is chauffered around Brazil by fey Terry Thomas while she sips tea from a full silver service ! Pass the Grey Poupon ! Assisting Mr. Ardonian is a creepy looking guy who resembles Peter Lorre if he'd been a platinum blond. The usual bevy of gorgeous girls are present, and most look like either Joan Collins or Nancy Kovack ! This movie is an absolute treat, a sort of guilty pleasure to watch like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. Make the popcorn and enjoy !