Avalanche Sharks (2014)

Sick Product of a Sick System

To all those who have watched it: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I do.

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

At least this one had a couple of attractive women and didn't hate the human body Disney taliban style. With that said, they never showed us the boobs and the whole idea was daft.

The cleavage and hard bodies are spectacular and promising but the promise of a bikini contest never materializes and there are no women being natural and flaunting their bodies and no sex. It is almost like a Taliban/Republican ski resort. Otherwise, the story is a joke, the 'so-called' sharks look like rubber duckies and just when someone yells 'movement alerts them, they all... move! Opposite of Simon Says!!! I did enjoy that the sheriff leaves all his guns and machine guns (!!!) hanging out available on the wall and that the 'Japanese' woman cannot even pronounce the simplest of Japanese words anywhere near a Japanese person... Guys, just give us the T&A and we will watch and enjoy... what is all this other stuff? Hoorah for thin, flaunting women who spread it.

I've seen a lot of bad shark movies, but this one was only partially likable. The main premise that made me watch it was the bikini contest they talk about, but there's no bikini contest. Yes, there are a few girls in skimpy clothes, and while they were hot, them walking around didn't exactly fit the idea of a bikini contest. So I give it a bad score for really false advertising--though the rest of the movie was pretty much what I expected, so there is that.Plot: 6/10 People at a ski resort are attacked by the spirits of sharks that were summoned hundreds of years ago. That would have been a better description than talking about a bikini contest that never happened.Character Development: 4/10 Can't really say much on this because there was very little character development. I mean, less than there usually is in these kinds of movies, and I've seen quite a few movies like this one. Half the cast looked alike so it was hard to keep track of who was who.Direction: 6/10 The way the story was told wasn't completely horrible, after all we did get to see people eaten by sharks while skiing and snowboarding. It was also good that they did figure out a way to get beautiful girls to strip down to their bikinis. Kudos for that. I just wish there had been an actual contest.Casting: 7/10 The cast were all beautiful and handsome, just too bad you couldn't really tell one blonde from another. There was one girl introduced at the start of the movie and I didn't realize that they actually kept showing her until right before her character died.Acting: 6/10 Not bad but not great, either. Typical for this movie.Cinematography: 9/10 Beautiful scenery, great shots of the girls, and even the special effects weren't bad. Can't really go wrong with this movie visually.Music: 9/10 Music was pretty good, especially the end song.Pacing: 7/10 First thirty minutes of this movie felt like an hour to me. Rest finished up okay, though.Sets and Costumes: 8/10 Girls, bikinis, ski resort--what else is there to say?Re-Watchability: 5/10 Probably not going to watch this one again, but I might. Depends on if I decide to give it another try or not.Final Score: 67/1006.7/10C-

Avalanche Sharks is not the worst shark movie out there but that in all honesty is saying very little because it is still a big failure on every level. Avalanche Sharks is a cheap-looking movie, granted yes with beautiful scenery(the only halfway-decent asset) but haphazard editing- to overkill effect in the attack scenes and even lousier special effects. Even toy sharks that you can have displayed in the bathroom are scarier than the shark designs here, which look more goofy and ridiculously over-sized than menacing. The sharks have very little personality either, never do they feel a threat all they do is attack without warning, the movie makes an attempt to explain their origins(which already makes it better than some shark movies out there) but it is written very clumsily and doesn't make sense. Despite all this, the they still manage to be much more likable than the human characters, all of whom are tired personality-deprived stereotypes who just frustrate you with their stupid actions and some not adding anything to the story. Every single one of the characters are terribly acted as well. Not that the writing and story are anything to write home about, the dialogue has a lot of repetition and padded filler and reeks of cheese, while the story is predictable, a mish-mash of ideas barely explored and insultingly ridiculous. The attack scenes range from mild fun, real stupidity and drawn-out boredom, most of which falling into the latter two categories, a couple very abrupt and blink-and-you'll miss them too, none of them tense or suspenseful. You can see them coming a mile away as well, and the conclusion is deeply underwhelming and didn't feel like an ending, the sharks are defeated too easily and too much by chance. To be honest though, I was so bored by the overall movie and so frustrated by the characterisation that I couldn't care less about how it ended. Oh and by the way, if you are looking for a bikini contest like promised you are best avoiding Avalanche Sharks, and if you do you are not missing a thing, that is how bad Avalanche Sharks is. 1/10 for the scenery only. Bethany Cox