Terror Firmer (1999)

Must See Movie...

Better Late Then Never

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

The latest offering from Troma offers up much of what they're famous for; namely gore, violence, politics, bad taste, crude humour, sleaze, gratuitous nudity, and sex. Except that TERROR FIRMER offers up more of this than ever before, mixing it in with a clever-clever self-referential plot revolving around the antics on a Troma movie set and determined to disgust at every moment. This is a film made for Troma fans, in that it's packed with recurring characters, in-jokes, and more. The film is moderately enjoyable in parts, thanks to the fast pacing and the occasionally amusing broad humour, but I've never been a fan of crude humour so a lot of this left me cold.What this film does have in its favour is a ton of incident, some supremely bizarre moments (the naked man running through the streets is one), a winning performance in front of the camera from Lloyd Kaufman as an amusing blind director, and a whole slew of cheap and funny gore effects. When a film opens with a man getting his leg torn off and then being beaten to death with the stump, you know you're in for something special and TERROR FIRMER is just that, a special movie.Other schlocky "highlights" include a man getting both legs ripped off in a vehicle accident, an overweight guy getting sucked into an elevator and Kaufman himself exploding in a bomb blast. Things become even harder to stomach in the shock ending which oversteps the boundaries of good taste by a wide mark, but this is surprisingly aware and clever in places and also well-made for a no-budget shocker. TERROR FIRMER is a must-see for Troma fans, and needs a healthy 'beware' to all others.

Troma has always and will forever suck at making a movie line that actually has a true story line and purpose. This is just another juvenile attempt that Troma fans went crazy over, and they'll say "It's one of the best movies eve made!" Yeah, if this is the best movie ever made, than I could probably win a Grammy by taking a video of me taking a poo. It's pathetic and what kills me is people consider this good and think Troma deserves rewards for this BS. Seriously, if this were released by any other film company, this would flat out fail. Oh, but it's Troma, it must special!! WRONG!! It's the same Troma has been doing since the beginning. Troma fails to break any new boundaries. It's just the same sexual and gory elements over and over again, from film to film. Oh and let's not forget the terrible acting. I honestly could not take the acting seriously in this movie what so ever. Troma is know for bad acting, but this takes the cake.Troma kills me, they really do. I wish they would just go away so I wouldn't have to suffer from people saying "OMG, did you see Troma's new film, it's amazing!!!!!!". I hate those people, they wouldn't know a movie it slapped them up side the head. Well, that's it for my ranting, for now at least.

Terror Firmer starts with a guy (Ariel Wizman) having his leg ripped off & being beaten with it, someone is killed using breakfast cereal to which a dumb cop notes 'we have a cereal killer on our hands' & a scene where a pregnant woman (Oakley Stevenson) has her baby ripped out of her stomach... The latest instalment of the Toxic Avenger is currently being filmed by Troma on location in New York. Blind director (art imitating life for Troma studio's?) Larry Benjamin (Lloyd Kaufman, also co-writer, producer & director) is at the helm, Christine (Debbie Rochon) is staring alongside Toxie (Roy David) & Nicolai (Darko Malesh). The crew are a patchwork collection of insane dysfunctional weirdo idiots who were the cheapest available (art imitating life again?), Jennifer (Alyce LaTourelle) is the new sexy P.A. while both the boom mike man Casey (Will Keenan, also associate producer) & the special effects guy Jerry (Trent Haaga) have crushes on her. One day on set the 'Toddster' (Gary Hrbek), a sound-man, quits in a fit of rage. That night, while at a party, the mysterious killer shoves a funnel up his bum, stuffs a load of cocaine in it, breaks a bottle, repeatedly stabs him & removes some of his brains. Shorty after the films main investor Jacob Gelman (Joe Fleishaker) is brutally murdered with the aid of an escalator, it seems New York's latest sicko serial killer has a vendetta against Troma's latest production...The first thing I should say is that I am aware that Terror Firmer is, according to the IMDb, available in three different cuts, a 98 minute 'R' rated cut, a 114 minute 'Unrated' one & a further extended 125+ minute edition on the DVD with a very significant time difference between all three, I am absolutely positive that I saw the 'Unrated' edition (we don't have 'R' & 'Unrated' here in the UK) & that is the one I will be basing my comments on. The script by Kaufman, Patrick Cassidy & Douglas Buck was inspired by the autobiography 'All I Need to Know About Film-making I Learned From the Toxic Avenger' & is as cheap, simple, tasteless, boring, dull & disgusting as one would expect. This is not a film to take home & show to your parents, that's for sure. Kaufman takes huge delight & revels in coming up with disgusting gross out gags & gore scenes, from poo eating, most of the cast gets to vomit at some point, fart jokes, rape reversal, a fat naked guy running through Manhattan & Times Square, pickle masturbation, bodily function gags, drug taking, limb severing, hermaphrodite bashing, child abusing, penis stretching & head squashing. I have to confess I didn't find anything in Teror Firmer funny or worthy of the description of entertainment. At all.Director Kaufman makes Terror Firmer live up to Troma's pathetically low standards, it extremely poorly made, the cast annoy immensely as does the whole weak story which is held together by it's bad taste gags & gore. There are constant nods & homages to other Troma films, character's dressed up, posters all over the place in the background & various actors have roles in this who have appeared in other Troma films. Talk about self advertising & at one point Troma's phone number & website address appears on screen as part of another unfunny joke. There are some OK gore scenes, there are some head squashing, leg severing, foetus removing, hand chopping, escalator mutilating, people exploding, brain shooting, finger severing & brain removing which is the one & only reason Terror Firmer doesn't get 1 star.Terror Firmer probably didn't have a budget & it shows, it very poorly made throughout & becomes a chore to sit through. According to the IMDb Terror Firmer opened open across the USA on Halloween 31 October 1999 on a whole 2 screens & made a whooping $1,434 so I'd imagine it made twice it's budget back within a week! The acting is awful by everyone involved.Terror Firmer is terrible, if you like Troma films & I'm sure there is a market out there then I can wholeheartedly recommend this. However if you are looking for a decent film than stay well clear, one to avoid if you have any taste or delicate moral sensibilities.

What can really be said about a movie that deliberately and gleefully intends to push the barriers of taste right out the window? Therein lies the failure of "Terror Firmer," an over-the-top parody of the making of a low-budget movie crossed with a slasher flick. In its own hyperactive, slovenly way, it tries too hard, and simply doesn't have enough "meat" to merit its near-two-hour run time. The film is stained with gore, viscera, vomit, and is heinously overacted and overwritten, and a majority of the time confuses shock value (no matter how inane or black-humored) with comedy. A female slasher is on the loose, killing off the cast and crew of a low-budget independent film (director Lloyd Kaufman, founder of Troma, never skips an opportunity to inform us of the virtues of independent cinema)–who is doing it, and more importantly, who cares? That being said, "Terror Firmer" does have an eerie charm that (for a while, at least) bangs on the 'ol funny bone with some consistency, though a little of this stuff goes a long way, and eventually you'll just want the movie to end.