Star Crystal (1986)

To me, this movie is perfection.

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

Very mild spoiler (of something which happens in the first 20 minutes): So in our cast we've got 2 slightly past-their-prime shampoo TV commercial models, 1 foul-tempered missing linkess, and a heart-poundingly cute goddess named Emily Longstreth. What's a movie production to do but kill off the goddess straight away and take our chances with the rest after........huh??There are many things to be said about this alleged movie. Like "in space, no one can hear you crawl". Or "why act when we can just sit here?" Or "hey, you know... tying these random scenes together doesn't actually require an explanation, just some splicing tape". Or "glowing dot showdown Survivor -- in SPACE!"Only watch this if you have a strong tolerance for junk and your life is simply 91 minutes too damn long. (So... why did I watch it? Schlock OCD, I guess. That and Emily Longstreth! Even if only for a scandalously few minutes.)

Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed this obscure B-movie as a child. But, one sees a film differently with more astute eyes. The film seems outdone by everything all at once. The budget is perhaps(next to simply bad writing and overall story development)the main culprit in this film's demise. You can tell how things are elevated(you can tell a part is being picked up by a wire), not to mention in one shot you can actually see the rod that moves the model space ship. The cast for the film are simply not very good at exposing the trauma within the characters and the dialogue, which is sheet-thin and unimaginative doesn't assist them. The story seems to be two separate films..one horror and the other a weeper. This makes the film completely uneven. It starts as an alien clone as this creature and these crystals "birth" from a rock taken by two astronauts from Mars. They want to put a laser to it, but perish thanks to such thinking. As an act of survival, the alien defends by killing..basic fundamentals for defense against anything violent. Once it is on board a space shuttle, several crew members feel threatened and react with hostility against something they don't understand. Somehow, the alien starts out as goo and begins to shape and form over the course of the movie. Also, these crystals seem to provide the alien the basic fundamentals of learning and power. The alien, through the power of the crystals, is able to elevate and control anything. The crew are at the mercy of this alien as it kills three of them when they try to kill it(not to mention exploding a space station early in the film). Yet, once the alien begins to read, through the memory banks of the computer, the Bible, it comes to know Jesus and becomes much more understanding and kind to the two crew members that remain. The film is pretty preposterous for it just doesn't know where to go..it's as if we see the director is throwing all kinds of ideas at us expecting us to enjoy the botched narrative. It seems to be a real horror film, with some pretty good gore with goo and blood. Then comes a morality play which just seems to be an unfortunate detour which is just laughable. If you read through the credits on this film, it's clear that no one made it very far..the whole film is quite amateurish and bad. There does seem to be ambition, but ambition needs talent to fully evolve into a good movie for which this film lacks greatly.

A slimy, tentacled creature boards a spacecraft and quickly dispatches half of the crew before discovering religion and realizing that killing is wrong. You heard correctly. The creature gets on-line and reads up on some bible quotes and, in the bizarre twist ending, befriends the two survivors and plays Chinese checkers.Subpar sci-fi entry on every level, from the poor acting, directing, set design. And the endlessly long scenes of characters crawling through tunnels. Not to mention the creature that looks like a giant sock that someone sneezed on. The biggest problem is that it kills off the crew too quickly. So for the last 45 minutes we're stuck with the two survivors watching the stars, eating soup, crawling through tunnels, etc. Skip this one.

Contains minor spoiler content. . . (but hey, for this movie, who cares?)If there is anyone in the world who truly liked this film, get them to a shrink quick, because this film is truly one of the worst ones ever. Between the horrible acting, the terrible script (guess what the African American character likes? Yup, that's right. . . fried chicken!), the computer made out of corrugated cardboard (you can see the corrugations along the edges, and yes, it bends) the mostly SEDENTARY alien (except of course for his tentacle), and the ending that makes Barberella look like high art, this movie reaches new lows.The only redeeming quality? If ever there was a movie that deserved to receive the MST3K treatment, it's this one. It is a great movie to rent if you feel like popping something in the VCR, turning the volume all the way down, and providing your own dialogue (although some of the characters lines are so laughable they have to be heard to be believed.)BIGGER SPOILER -- and yes, at the end, the Alien finds Jesus and there's a music montage of humans and aliens cavorting. Or something.Ed Wood would be proud.