Zombie Wars (2007)

The Age of Commercialism

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Let's be realistic.

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

David A. Prior, I will respond with Sledgehammer from 1983. From there on it's downhill with flicks from prior but still he kept making movies and still sell them. When you are in Germany as a horror geek you will always be attracted to the sleeves of DVD's and Blu Ray's. But Germany also has a speciality to change names from flicks towards more attractive names, this is called Zombie Wars but in Germany it came out as War Of The Living Dead. Admit, nice title, and that's the best thing of this stinker.The acting isn't really good, as was the script, zombies capturing humans, really. the zombies really are looking cheap. The flick starts pretty well, but after a while you get it, zombies being shot in the head, next zombie being shot in the head, next zombie....and it goes on and on with nothing happening at all. Really, it was a war to get through this. Gore 2/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 2/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0/5

Set fifty years after a zombie epidemic, a group of soldiers learn that intelligent zombies have begun breeding humans for food. "They just came out of the ground..." Opening with some very bad effects of the earth it looks ambitious and bites off more than it can chew. It's simply a cheese feast. Although it has some heart felt voice over ala Alice Resident Evil narration the production tries to be larger than it is. It's low budget with awful acting. That said, there is only so much that the actors could have done with the script. If they'd hammed it up more and took more care with the editing and sound it may have it may have come off a whole lot better. Possibly and 80's comedy B-film homage. But its badly edited, awful swipes and transitions, poor sound and distracting piano music. It oddly borrows from The Planet of the Apes and one actor does his whole role as Jack Nicholson for no reason.To it's credit some of Diana Diaz and Justin Pine's special makeup effects are good.The effort is there but it's rushed and very slap dash. Not even the array of pretty faces can save Zombie Wars. It sadly does't qualify as bargain bucket material either.

Let's face it, the majority of zombie movies nowadays are horrible because of the lack of knowledgeable writers who are familiar with what a zombie is capable (or not capable) of doing so when I saw a zombie defy gravity and began crawling on the ceiling like Spiderman on the movie DAY OF THE DEAD: THE NEED TO FEED, I know the writer of that movie didn't know didly-squat about zombies and just made things up as he went along so as a result, I thought that was the worst zombie movie I ever saw but after seeing ZOMBIE WARS, boy was I wrong....dead wrong!!After watching only the first 20 seconds of the movie, I knew it was gonna be bad and my brain actually told me to eject the DVD from the player, bury it, and just forget about it but having nothing else to watch that night, I decided to tough it out hoping things would improve (nope....it continually got progressively worse). This movie had absolutely nothing going for it....the actors delivered their lines horribly, the gore budget consisted of a bottle of barbecue sauce for blood and some garden hose covered with ketchup for guts, and they were trying too hard to imitate other successful movies ("The Council" or "The Committee" (whatever the hell they called it) was obviously their cheap version of RESIDENT EVIL's Umbrella Corporation and the occasional narration done by the female voice sounded like she was trying to be Sarah Connor to give it that TERMINATOR 2 "feel").The plot was also the dumbest I have yet to see. If there was a zombie outbreak, how come the human survivors haven't build a protective wall around their base yet? A wall is the first line of defense and without it, one can easily get overrun by zombies and yet they have not put up so much as a chain link fence or anything....nothing!! And why is it a zombie constantly and continually manages to sneak up behind them? It seems like every second scene consists of a zombie suddenly appearing out of nowhere and jumping them from behind....don't they check their rears?? Isn't the purpose of having a firearm is so that they can fight off zombies from a distance instead of close-range....hey, these zombies are infected and disgusting so I'd want to be as far away from them as possible, wouldn't you? Finally, what about the zombies running a farm that encourages their human captives to have sex so they can have babies in which they will wait 20 to 30 years for them to grow up so they can eventually eat them....what the hell is up with that??!! A zombie, by definition, is a mindless flesh-eating creature that functions only with minimal primal instincts so if they are going to establish a farm, why not a Co-op or perhaps even a Multi-Million Dollar Commercial Enterprise....totally ridiculous!! The writer of this movie was unfaithful to the zombie genre and did not give a damn how outrageously inaccurate he was (nor did he seem to care) and to add insult to injury, he also neglected to finish the story and leave out a few questions unanswered. What happened to the cute blond girl named Star....where did she run off to (and why)? When one of the 2 guards guarding the road shot David in the head and killed him, did his group come back to take revenge or decided to take no offense whatsoever for killing one of their own and just go straight to burning his body?Zombie Wars is now officially the worst "movie" (if you can even call it that) that I have ever seen in my entire life and the 82 minutes I've spent watching this bull plop is utterly wasted. I was forced to rate it 1 out of 10 because 1 is the lowest it would go making it a very generous score but if I had a chance, I would've gave it a -20 out of 10 because it was that bad....really really bad (I've seen more professional work done in my high school film class). I'm still contemplating whether to add this poor excuse to my respectable zombie movie DVD collection but I'm afraid to do so as it might stink up the joint and devalue everything....it would be wrong of me to recycle it and attempt to "re-gift" it to someone else so I think my only course of action is to take it outside, pour some gasoline on it, and burn it beyond recognition because letting other people watch this ought to be a crime against humanity. If you are like me and tend to boo, curse, spit, and flick popcorn on the monitor while watching a horrible movie, you are going to be doing that a lot here so bring out the Windex and get ready to microwave that second bag of popcorn 'cause you'll definitely gonna need it. Avoid....avoid like the zombie plague!!

I have an ongoing argument with my friend about the genesis of this movie and my take is completely separate from the norms of an average movie goer or audience member. My perception is that the director/writer knows that these movies are ridiculously bad and finds solace in the humor of that. I believe it is intentional why others believe these people actually believe they are making real movies. My idea is that the director convinces soap stars and wannabe actors that this is a serious attempt at film-making, but that his true motivations are to make these B-comedies. It totally pokes fun at the limitations and lack of funds for these movies by making incredulous heartfelt scenes mixed with insanely farcical plot that renders all disbelief moot because it takes us where only the most retarded minds can go. They reuse locations and even actors for multiple scenes. They create mythology and accepted realities to generate absurd systems of norms as if their world works according to these extravagantly wedged axioms. I was completely blown away by bit after bit. I love this movie, and I think the best critics in the world could unravel by just drinking the koolaid this film presents. Either way, if you take it seriously or not, this movie owns in absurdity alone.