The Perfect House (2012)

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

A clunky actioner with a handful of cool moments.

Well what can I say... Surprising is the word that springs to mind. As a hardened horror/ thriller viewer I'm not opposed to a bit of gore and this didn't disappoint, even had me flinching and wincing a couple of times! It is most definitely not for the feint hearted or the easily offended. This is more like 3 mini movies that come together in one place and is quite interesting. The gore was pretty realistic (sometimes almost too realistic) which is a must for me. After reading the other reviews I wasn't even sure that I was going to waste an hour and a half of my time on it but I'm so glad I did it's well worth a watch. Enjoy!

This an anthology horror film about a sexy female realtor (Monique Parent, who appeared in countless softcore porn films in the 90's) showing a young couple house where all kinds of horrible things have happened. It's basically the same plot as Hammer's "The House that Dripped Blood" (and the John Ritter TV movie "Terror Tract"). The first story is the best. It's about a very messed-up family--the mother is mentally ill and off her meds, the father may be sleeping with the daughter, and the son has become murderously resentful. It all blows up when they're forced to seek shelter down in the basement during a storm (with a whole lot of knives). I've noticed that when they treat the subject of incest in movies, they're often so circumspect about it that they ironically don't make it nearly as ugly as it would be in real life. It also may be a little hypocritical here because they prominently display this alleged teen incest victim in her underwear (although I seriously doubt the actress is really young a teen). On the other hand, I did appreciate that the subject is treated with some ambiguity and subtlety because NOTHING ELSE in this movie is.I hate to describe the last two stories as sheer "torture porn" because I really don't like that term. Most people watch horror and porn for completely different reason. Still, the second story is pretty much just unrelenting sadism about a serial killer who tortures and murders victims of both sexes in his basement and has kept one woman alive to periodically sexually assault, but mostly watch him kill the others. This is hard to take very seriously because the acting isn't very believable and there's zero character development, but it did make me question why I was watching this in the first place. When torture goes on long enough, it isn't really "horror" anymore; the term "porn" is not really accurate because only a very disturbed person is going to get turned on by this, but there is something unpleasant and definitely not very fun about it.The third story, unfortunately, is more of the same except the victims are a whole family (with yet another teenage girl stripped to her underwear) being victimized by their crazy older neighbor. This segment has the only "name" actor in Felissa Rose, who played the transgendered killer in "Sleepaway Camp". I think anybody with a family will find this really hard to watch, and the ending is definitely harder to take than the second. But there is SOME black humor here because the neighbor is set off when the father forgets to return his weed-whacker! Still, it's less funny when he sets on the teen daughter for being scantily clad and promiscuous. I don't know what he has against the younger children. The movie shatters some cinematic taboos here, but it really does it just to do it.Overall though, I wouldn't describe this movie as offensive, and it certainly does succeed at being pretty grueling. But it is also pretty puerile, definitely pointless (any point it has usually ends up shoved in someone's eye), and just not a lot of fun.

Coming to DVD July 22nd, The Perfect House starts with Mike (William A. Robertson) and Marisol (Andrea Vahl) being shown around a really nice and big house house by a seductive real estate agent. It's obviously too good to be true, and they're being lied to and schemed into possibly buying it. There's no mention of the house's past, but the movie is constructed with long, detailed flashbacks of the previous owners and the owners before them, who were all driven mad by the so-called "dream home". The first flashback is called "The Storm", and it's about a family of four hiding out in the basement in hopes of surviving a terrible storm raging outside. While together in a closed space, we see how nasty the matriarch of the family is, always saying rude and hurtful things. The father however, is the calm one who is supportive of the kids, and they all acknowledge that something is wrong with their mom. Of course, we as the viewers know that she's possessed, and that explains the weird behavior. And, lets just say things get out of hand and go in a direction that I didn't see coming, and the result is a rather large amount of blood spilled.Then, after a few moments of seeing Mike and Marisol's walk-through, we get another flash from the past. In "Chic-Ken" we watch John Doesy (Jonathan Tiersten), as he cages humans up in the basement and murders/mutilates them. His recent capture is a young man who is way too whiny and complains too much. So much in fact that I actually was hoping for his on screen death (laugh). In the cage beside him is a young woman who has been caged up for the better part of five years, and she hates and envies anyone John kills who isn't her because she'd rather be dead than live like an animal in the cage any longer. Like the previous story, when things come to a conclusion, it's very bloody. This is definitely the most graphic of the three stories told, as we see things like eyelids being cut off."Dinner Guest" is a wraparound story. The flashback scene starts the movie off, before we see Mike and Marisol touring the house, but it doesn't conclude until the final act. We see a psychopath take a family apart, the mother (Felissa Rose) is tied up as she's forced to witness terrible things, like her children being murdered. This also ends in a very gory fashion, and as the film comes to an end, we're left with knowing what Mike and Marisol have to look forward to by buying the house. There's not a lot of character development, so not getting to know the characters intimately stings a bit, but this is a feature that's more focused on the macabre aspects, so it's semi-excusable. The acting suffers at times throughout from all stories including Mike and Marisol's walk-through. But, Sleepaway Camp star, Felissa Rose puts on her best performance to date. And the makeup FX are decent, but far from great. You can see it's clearly a low-budget flick, but as a whole, it works. There's always room for improvement, and The Perfect House is no exception, but it's an entertaining movie.

A young couple check out a new house that turns out to have a dark and violent history. First story - A dysfunctional family holes up in the basement during a fierce storm. Gorgeously shot in black and white, this one has a frighteningly unstable mom from hell and a strong brooding atmosphere. Second yarn - Vicious serial killer John Doesy (robustly played with lip-smacking warped relish by Jonathan Tiersten) keeps his victims locked up in cages in the cellar. Tiersten's energetic acting as a blithe psycho who loves to torment his prey gives this segment an extra jarring sting. Third tale - A sick and sadistic stranger (a positively terrifying portrayal by Dustin Stevens) puts a family through a grueling and harrowing ordeal. Arguably the most brutal and upsetting segment of the bunch, this one delivers an especially savage kick to the gut mainly because of the startling way that it places kids in substantial jeopardy. Moreover, Felissa Rose of "Sleepaway Camp" fame impresses as the hapless mother.Directors Kris Hulbert and Randy Kent maintain a zippy pace throughout, keep the tone appropriately harsh and grim tone from start to finish, deliver oodles of hideously graphic gore, and further spruce things up with touches of wickedly amusing pitch-black humor. Moreover, it's Hulbert and Kent's bold willingness to push the limits of what's considered tasteful and acceptable which in turn provides an additional unsettling edginess; this is no-holds-barred horror that means serious ferocious business and goes right for the throat sans restraint or apology. The fact that everything shown in the movie is within the realm of horrific possibility rates as another significant scary and unnerving asset. Monique Parent's sizzling presence as a sexy real estate agent ensures that the wraparound segment totally hums. Kudos are also in order for Tal Lazar's sharp widescreen cinematography and Frederik Wiedmann's ominous bone-rattling score. A nice'n'nasty item.