Orcs! (2011)

Don't listen to the Hype. It's awful

A Masterpiece!

There are better movies of two hours length. I loved the actress'performance.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

I mean, really, Mr chicagopoetry? How much did they pay you to write your nonsense review? Laugh? When exactly did you laugh? Pathetic acting, pathetic actors and story. I suppose the cameramen and editors have to start somewhere, so it wasn't a complete waste of 3 million dollars.And the incidental music? Yes, that must have given some people some work for a few weeks.Unfortunately, this rubbish type of film is now getting into rubbish TV channels, so there's no avoiding them. Ah, well, at least I can pass the time by writing genuine reviews on IMDb that, hopefully, people will take more notice of than the stuff written by the actors' or producers' shills.

In Orcs!, forest rangers Cal (Adam Johnson) and Hobie (Maclain Nelson) battle a horde of mythical monsters from Middle-Earth, who emerge from a mountain to wreak havoc in a National Park. Such a set up is clearly intended to be nothing more than a bit of dumb fun, but while the film is certainly dumb, there's not nearly enough fun, with a lack of decent jokes and scares, and a failure to deliver on the outrageous gore and gratuitous nudity suggested by an early shot of a decapitated head on a stick and the presence of two young hotties in tight vests.Most notable of all, perhaps, is the distinct lack of actual creatures. Sure, there are plenty of extras running around in cheap looking suits of armour, but as far as identifiable orcs are concerned—you know, ugly critters with real bad complexions and over-sized fangs—well, they can be counted on the fingers of one hand. No doubt this was due to budgetary constraints, but the viewer can't help but feel a tad cheated. This is where an excess of gore and a spot of nudity would have come in handy: after all, it doesn't cost a fortune to throw some buckets of blood around and get a few aspiring starlets to strip off, and it sure would have helped matters immensely.Instead, we get irritating main characters, supposedly 'witty' dialogue that falls flat on its face, one or two unconvincing death scenes, a repetitive over-long night-time siege totally devoid of tension, and a couple of inexplicable pastiches of key scenes from The Fellowship of the Ring which are neither clever nor funny—all of which adds up to an instantly forgettable waste of time.

I was laughing from beginning to ending of ORCS! The dialogue is so well written and witty that I felt like I was watching an instant cult classic. It's not forced camp but dry humor delivered with a straight face which makes these goofball characters and the orcs they are fighting so believable even if they are absurd. The two park rangers reminded me of Cheech and Chong in their early days, sort of at each other's throats but loving each other at the same time. Unlike most horror movies that deliver unlikeable characters getting slaughtered by unoriginal monsters, ORCS! gives us fresh, caring characters fighting against a truly original premise with a climax of a siege reminiscent of Assault on Precinct 13. I enjoyed nearly every minute of ORCS! and highly recommend it to anyone who wants to see something funny and original.

Well, you know what you are in for when you look at the title of the movie alone. But still, I decided to watch this movie to conquer the boredom.The movie in itself was a mixed blessing. The camera-work was actually quite good, and the locations and scenery was off the charts. Lots of really nice stuff to look at here. Lots of vibrant colors and locations.Now, the bad stuff about the movie was the story. Come on, orcs being released from the confined subterranean of a mountain by some miners blasting for ore. Well, alright, why not? But orcs? Come on... And to make matters worse, the orcs resembled nothing more than teenagers running confused around at a live role-playing game event. It was dreadful to look at. And the fighting scenes were rigid and painful to behold.As for the acting, well, it was not top notch. Unknown names and faces, to me at least, but then again, in a movie like this, I wasn't expecting to see anyone with a named carved for themselves in Hollywood already. There were moments of good acting, but there were also moments of horrendous acting. And the movie wasn't particularly helped along by an exciting dialogue.All in all, "Orcs!" is a low-budget movie that uses pungent humor and suffers from a terrible storyline. But the movie is set in amazing surroundings, which actually helps make it bearable to watch. If you are bored out of your mind and want some non-brainer movie, "Orcs!" might just be the thing for you.