Jurassic Attack (2013)

Pretty Good

best movie i've ever seen.

As Good As It Gets

Strong acting helps the film overcome an uncertain premise and create characters that hold our attention absolutely.

This is also marketed under the title "Jurassic Attack." In our opening scene a plane goes down in the land of the dinosaurs. We then jump five years later as a team of military men are on a rescue mission. Their goal is to save a kidnapped chemical-biologist from terrorists in the fictional country of Verdi in the Amazon basin. The bad guys have developed a new chemical or biological agent that can be launched in a rocket.That mission would take The Expendables 2 hours to complete, but ours does it in under ten minutes, and unfortunately a bit sloppy as their CG helicopter gets shot down by a CG RPG only to land where they will be hunted by CG raptors and a CG T-Rex. In addition to having to find their way out of the jungle, they have with them the terrorist leader and meet a professor who is studying the dinosaurs. He would rather see them dead too. Meanwhile back at headquarters two very bad actors are arguing over the next step of the mission.The dinosaurs, helicopter, gun fire, flames were all Asylum grade CG, if that good. The acting was hit and miss, with it mostly being a miss. Alicia Ziegler and Natascha Berg provide the token eye candy.Looked like more of a kids movie if they can get the rating down to PG-13.Parental Guide: No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. Rated "R" for man eating dinosaurs. Minor language such as "being a d***."

An elite commando unit must fight for survival in a remote South African jungle that's populated by lethal predatory dinosaurs. While director Anthony Fankhauser keeps things moving along at a brisk pace and stages the plentiful action with rip-roaring panache, this film alas falters because of the painfully cruddy CGI dinosaurs who aren't remotely convincing for a minute (the digital blood and muzzle flashes are likewise pretty lousy and look super fake throughout). Fortunately, the bulk of the cast do their best with the silly material, with particular praiseworthy contributions from Gary Stretch as the rugged Captain John Steakley, Natascha Berg as foxy biochemist Angeles Ibanez, Alicia Ziegler as the feisty Sarah Haldeman, Corin Nemec as the hard-nosed Colonel Carter, Vernon Wells as the jerky Agent Grimaldi, and Michael Worth as the flaky Professor Roxton. Unfortunately, Israel Saez de Miguel hams it up atrociously as cackling evil no-count baddie Marquez. Moreover, Rafael Jordan's by-the-numbers script staunchly adheres to a straight-down-the-line predictable trajectory whereby it's really obvious from the get-go as far as which specific characters are going to survive in the long run, which in turn negates any genuine tension this movie might have had. A strictly so-so diversion at best.

What do we have: -really REALLY bad acting -really REALLY bad editing -really REALLY bad sfx -really REALLY bad writingBad was to be expected. but the really REALLY bad, took my by surprise. I have weakness for bad monster movies, some, like dinocroc, frankenfish, abominable, shark attack, komodo, to name a few that turn out to be quite enjoyable. Unfortunateky, this one isn't. I managed to watch it till the end, so it's not a complete loss, but this one has too many flaws.The only enjoyable performance was by Micheal Worth as an absent minded, offset, hippie professor. The others have the emotional range of an ironing board...they're not even trying.The writing doesn't help either -unfortunately, because of the wooden acting, the dialogues fail to be funny. There isn't any real chemistry between any of the actors, the lead is as inspiring as a leader as a crash test dummy, the antagonist took acting lessons from Jar-Jar Binks, and the others walk around as if a blind man gave directions.More so, a T-Rex can be easily killed with a pea-shooter -though later on they use an RPG -you gotta have an explosion as a climax -explosions always work as a climax. right? Smart & Intelligent velociraptors run into a hail of bullets like mindless zombies, and the military rescue subplot seems as if someone thought that if it worked for predator, it will work for this movie. Sorry to disappoint you.I mean the story is all over the place, terrorist commie guerrillas, hostage hot female bio-chemist, colonel vs. suit at hq, bio-chemical virus / agent being released, the nutty professor, the rescue team, the history between commie guerrilla leader and the rescue team-leader, and then there are the dinosaurs..they are...well just there.On top of that, the special effects are truly bad -in fact stop motion in 1933 didn't have such jerky movements that for this budget they should have concentrated on fewer dinosaurs and betters animations. The models aren't that bad, but they look badly integrated, unfinished and badly animated. Not to imagine the fake blood and fake muzzle flashes.It makes you wonder who gives the go ahead for this. Have they read the script? Have they any knowledge of movie (making)? Do they care?I never understand why the writer(s) feel the need to put so much into what is -plain and simple- the ten little ... I mean the "and then there were none" (to use the more pc title) plot trick. All you need is 9 tourists and one pilot that crash into a remote place, ruled by dino's. The professor can be used for exposition and you have a pack of raptors hunting the 11 men and women. Picking them off one by one, climaxing in a showdown between (wo)man and alpha (fe)male.with some movies - especially monster movies- I prefer the KISS approach. Keep It Simple Stupid. oh well...

Rise of the Dinosaurs (2013) 1/2 (out of 4) A special units squad is sent into a jungle to rescue a female hostage but on their way back the helicopter they're riding in crashes. Soon the group realize that their in a mysterious land where dinosaurs still rule and like the taste of human flesh. Originally titled JURASSIC ATTACK, it's clear that this film was simply made so it could cash in on the re-release of Steven Spielberg's JURASSIC PARK but there's no question which is the better picture. Sadly this here is so bad that even a company like The Asylum would be embarrassed by it. There's really nothing here that would make the viewer think that anyone involved with the picture had any intention of making it good. The CGI effects are beyond horrible but I'm sure most are expecting this. It's strange that no matter what type of dinosaur we're looking at they're always pretty much the same size. Just take a look at one awful scene where a dinosaur eats a man and just wait till you see how much blood comes pouring out of its mouth. If the CGI dinosaur looks back what's even worse is the horrid blood coming from its mouth. There's really no drama, no adventure, no laughs, no shocks or anything else that you might expect in a film like this. It's clearly just a rip-off of THE LAND THAT TIME FORGET, which its author gets a mention here. There's even a joke aimed at the Spielberg movie but I'm going to guess that most would have hit the stop button by then. Usually these types of movies can reach a so bad it's good level but this here never comes close to that. The best advice is to just stay away or at least not watch it until dinosaurs are walking the Earth again.