Hired to Kill (1990)

That was an excellent one.

Simply Perfect

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

If you watch as many Direct-to-Video Low-Budget action movies as I do, then you know that a majority of them are just alright. Some end up being forgettable, some end up being just plain terrible, and then some will just blindside you out of nowhere and end up being amazing. This is one of those films.Brian Thompson (Cobra) plays Frank Ryan, a mercenary who's hired to sneak into South America and rescue an imprisoned rebel leader. To do this, he must go undercover as a gay fashion designer, and will have to hire and train 7 women to be both models and assassins to be able to pull this job off. You'll know in the first 5 minutes whether this film is your cup of tea or not, because right off the bat, it's blatantly absurd in a very cheesy late 80's/early 90's kind of way - the kind of action film I just so happen to be obsessed with. None of it is on purpose either, it's all done straight in a legitimate way, which makes it all the more amazing and hilarious. If you're into this kind of thing, then Hired to Kill delivers on every level. It's a film that, while a bit goofy, fires on all cylinders to deliver exactly the kind of action film experience that I just love to death; cheese, action, explosions, nudity, one-liners, awesome and unintentionally hilarious.Brian Thompson just rules so hard in this. What can I say? Thompson is a bad-ass in this. He really is. From his very first second of screen time, which is literally the very first image of the film, he exudes a cool, tough guy, machismo that is a bit ridiculous, yet so unintentionally silly and hilarious. How cool is he? Well, when his alarm clock goes off, instead of just pressing a button to turn it off, he instead pulls out a gun from under his pillow and shoots it, without ever opening his eyes. That kind of cool. His "I don't give a ****" attitude is what really sells it though. First and foremost, it's the cheesy dialogue, but it's also in his delivery. He seems to just really hate women in general, and because of this, his character is fascinatingly entertaining in an overly macho way, like he's overcompensating for something. It's highly amusing, and Brian Thompson sells it like nobody else does. It's really a shame he never got the chance to do more films like this as an action star. If this film proves anything, it's that Thompson should have been given more opportunities like this other than typically playing a villain.I'd never heard of Greek writer/director Nico Mastorakis before this. It seems though that he was a pretty busy guy, throwing out a good 2-3 films per year during the 80's and 90's. I think what surprised me a bit was that he didn't just stick to action. Comedy seemed to be a genre he constantly came back to, as well as horror and thrillers. Yet, if this film is any indication, action seemed to be his calling. As I look into them all though, it seems the "quality" of his work varied greatly from film to film, as is usually the case with these type of filmmakers. Jim Wynorski, Richard Pepin and Joseph Merhi are other examples of genre directors I love for certain films, but tend to offer work that is sub-par, or falls flat for the most part. It would seem Mastorakis easily falls under the same category; a director who has a few solid standouts, but otherwise who's large output of films are pretty forgettable. It's a bit disappointing too, because just based on his work in this film, he does a pretty great job in terms of his camera setups, action sequences and editing. Or, a decent enough job that benefits the material.There's so much to love about this film. Not only does it deliver on the action, but just the premise alone, about training 7 women to become assassins, and heading into South America under the false pretense that they're famous fashion models, is just ridiculously awesome. There are moments that the film is just so absurd, that they apparently didn't stop and think how plausible any of it would be. For example, there's a scene where Ryan (Brian Thompson) is training the women in a camp ground, and using cardboard cutouts as targets that pop up. Some of them are of him, and some of them are of the notorious leader they'll be going up against to get to the other leader they're attempting to rescue. The bad guy is none other than Oliver Reed. Yes, that's right. And so when these cardboard cutouts of him appear it's quite hilarious. You think "how did they get this perfect image of him? And when and how the hell did they get these made?". It's just so random and unapologetic-ally silly, but that's what makes this film so great.Hired to Kill has everything you could want in a film like this; nudity, tons of action, explosions, one-liners that rival the best of Schwarzenegger, an absurd but highly enjoyable premise, and a scene where Brian Thompson kisses Oliver Reed. It's a nonstop ride of nonsense, cheesy fun, action-packed and entertaining as hell. It's exactly the type of film you hope it will be.www.robotGEEKSCultCinema.blogspot.com

Hired to Kill (1990)** (out of 4) A government man (George Kennedy) hires mercenary Frank Ryan (Brian Thompson) to sneak into a South American location and take out a ruthless leader (Oliver Reed) who is holding an important man (Jose Ferrer) hostage. Frank goes undercover as a gay photographer and his "models" are actually trained agents.HIRED TO KILL comes from director Nico Mastorakis who is best remembered for his notorious film ISLAND OF DEATH. This action picture certainly isn't in the same league but if you enjoy these low-rent action movies then you should get some kicks out of this one. Obviously there's nothing ground-breaking here but there are enough campy moments to keep you entertained. Plus, viewing this film twenty-five plus years after it was made, you can't help but smile thinking back on these types of movies that were made with such famous cast members.The entire plot to this thing is pretty stupid but in many ways you have to think parts of the screenplay are a spoof on the genre. A gay photographer? The film manages to be at its most fun during the finale when various explosion and gun fights are happening. The stunts are all well done and the explosions are great, although sadly a stuntman did lose his life. The biggest problem with the film is that there's just not too much that happens for the first hour. There are way too many dialogue scenes and not enough action.With that said, the cast is great or at least greatly entertaining. Thompson certainly wasn't a great actor but I thought he fit this role just perfectly. Reed, I'm sure drunk, is fun to watch as is both Kennedy and Ferrer in their small roles. The woman all look good and play up the sexuality, which is never a bad thing.

To the untrained, casual action film fan, this is just another run of the mill wannabe Arnie movie about a ruthless special guest star who is trying to take control of a country for one reason or another, so another special guest star hires a beefcake to help overthrow him.But the thing that makes this film standout just that little bit more from other straight to video movies is just how the the rag tag team get into the country....A fashion photographer and seven models travel to a South American island fortress, ostensibly to do a fashion shoot. In reality, the photographer is a mercenary and their job is to free an imprisoned rebel leader.........And that plot synopsis is the only reason to watch this otherwise dull, by the numbers action movie where our heroes shoot monochrome uniform wearing bad guys, and watch them fall down dying in the silliest way possible.Thompson does have screen presence, but it's not in this. He's too busy trying to channel Stallone and Schwarzeneggar, when he should have just made his character his own, and try not to guess what the audience wanted.But whenever the group are in their 'disguise' the film goes camp, and almost turns into another genre movie, and the scene between Reed and Thompson should have been a turning point for the movie, but it turns out like a smutty joke from a below par carry on movie.It's a bizarre piece for sure, bookended by George Kennedy in a hotel room.It should have been a blast, but instead, it's just a little bit boring, with a good stunt at the end.

I love these old action movies with bad actors and all the cliches, they're simply just so funny. If you liked showdown in little tokyo or any of Arnolds action movies, then you'll like this :) Too bad this one wasn't shown in cinemas and I had to rent the DVD. So if you have a good sounds system and a thing for old action movies, then GET THIS ONE!!!