Final Justice (1985)

Absolutely Fantastic

Absolutely brilliant

The first must-see film of the year.

It is both painfully honest and laugh-out-loud funny at the same time.

Another Mystery Science Theater 3000 film. One of the worst cop films of all time! And they thought that they'd add a touch of class by setting the film in Malta? Give me a break. This film couldn't be classy if Joe Don Baker actually wore a nice suit or recited Shakespeare! Speaking of Joe Don Baker, I'd like to ask Joe Don a personal question. Why do you insist on playing white trash in every film that you're in? Whether your a cop, a CEO, or just plain trailer park scum (not that all people who live in trailer parks are scum, but I'm referring specifically to his character in "Mars Attacks!"), you always manage to be the same annoying southern guy. What gives man? No sense of range? Also, is it just me or does it seem like the same scenes keep repeating over and over again? Geronimo ends up in jail, gets up, passes the gate into the office, is told to not pursue Palermo, and goes ahead and causes trouble anyway and ends up in jail, gets up, passes the gate into the office, is told to not pursue Palermo, and goes ahead and causes trouble anyway and ends up in jail, gets up... You know what? I think you get the point. The only change in plot is at the end when he finally meets Palermo, shoots him, and "unexpectedly" it turns out that Geronimo's superior officer is corrupt. My, what a shocker! Anyway, Palermo gets killed, and fade to black. Not a single plot point resolved! Also, that theme song is horrible on so many levels. First off, it's just a terrible 80's pop song, badly produced and sung I might add. Second, the lyrics "You better run, you'd better hide". It's almost if the guys who wrote the song for this movie knew how bad both the song and the movie were going to be and tried to warn us! And last but not least, it plays in the film 3 times!!!!!! Geez! Didn't have a budget for more songs? I guess Joe Don Baker just wasn't enough star power to warrant that.Anyway, screw you Joe Don Baker! You insulted my intelligence far too much. The only sanity I looked forward to was from the guys at MST3K. Anybody reading this, please don't bother to look up the film on it's own. I really don't think it matters if a few scenes were left out of the MST3K episode for content and time, they probably won't make the film any better. In fact, I didn't want to see anymore of this movie after it was over. I think I can go through life not having seen the shower rape scene or hearing any of the cursing uncensored. I think I have a pretty good idea of what word was usually following the phrase "son of a...", and the clumsy censoring is part of what made the MST3K episode so funny.

Jimmy Dean could not have been more hammy or absurdly loutish. Hysterical if viewed through the eyes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, which I rate as a 10. I mean, the sight of this obese, corn-fed hog trouncing around Malta should be enough to send you to the vomitory, if you make it that far into the film. This ugly, hysterical farce should be placed with the likes of "Booty Call", "Pumpkinhead", "Swarm", and "The Smurfs Go To Bangladesh". A -gulp- film like this proves that sometimes actors, writers, producers, etc. get behind on their mortgage, or get stoned to the point of insanity. It begs the question "who was so stupid to finance such a whale?" But then, had good judgment prevailed and "Final Justice" never was, then we wouldn't have the delightful spoof voice-over in "Mystery Science Theatre 3000"!

Two qualifiers right up front: I actually think Joe Don Baker can be good or even great with the right material and the right director (the "Cape Fear" remake, a small role in "Goldeneye", "Walking Tall"). And I even liked Baker in "Mitchell", because he was playing an anti-hero who was SUPPOSED to be unlikeable. Yes, MST3K's coverage was hilarious, but they took a lot of cheap shots at Baker - that he didn't deserve - to keep things lively and entertaining - he was appropriate to the level and tone of the movie, and he was the best part of the movie."Final Justice" seems to be more of the same, but in spite of the exotic locations and the "cowboy frontier justice" theme, it is quite a bit weaker than "Mitchell". And the main reason is that Baker's character, as written, is an idiot. The movie has the conceit that because Baker embodies old style frontier machismo, he challenges his opponents to old style mano-a-mano quick-draw contests. And because he's so tough and macho, he always wins, even when he's hurt, wounded, outnumbered, etc.That's a conceit with a lot of potential (it worked for Gary Cooper), even if it condemns the film to "B" movie status. But Baker is so frigging stupid and obsessive that he needlessly challenges three of the bad guy's henchman to a showdown in a public market, with civilians all over the place. He COULD have simply shadowed them to the chief bad guy's headquarters (which was why he was following them in the first place) and they never would have noticed. Or he could have gotten the drop on them and forced them to surrender, and gotten one of the henchmen to take him to headquarters at gun point. But no, he has to be a bush league hot dog and a macho blockhead, and so he gets a child taken as a hostage in the ensuing shootout! This is a guy we are supposed to admire? The whole movie is basically like this. Most of the supporting actors are somewhere between OK (the henchmen) to pretty good (the chief bad guy and his father, who are two well known European actors - they just go through the motions, but they are pros and even hamming it up they are decent). But through it all, Baker's character pulls silly , unproductive stunts and mistakes that get at least two relatively innocent people killed, plus a couple of bad guys who might have been taken alive without the use of deadly force.On the positive side, since 90% of the movie is set on Malta or in the Mediterranean, you get to see lots of pretty scenery and lots of nice and exotic looking extras. And really, Baker himself may be on the heavy side and slightly dyspeptic, but he isn't that bad...certainly not the tub o' lard that this films critics (including Mike and the Bots in their hilarious coverage) seem to think.In short, this movie is good for video wallpaper, but the viewer should not pay any attention to it.

The funniest parts of their spoof of this stinker of a movie?The parade, which led to the "Goosio" skit.The stripper who kept her back to the audience: "She's the Miles Davis of strippers!"Joe Don in a crowd and the 'bots singing "Everybody's Talkin' At Me"!