Homework (1982)

Sadly Over-hyped

hyped garbage

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

The acting in this movie is really good.

I remember seeing trailers for "Homework" when it was released in 1982, hyping it as an older woman-younger man sex comedy à la "My Tutor," "Private Lessons" or "Class." I didn't want to see it in 1982 but sought it out recently thinking that, if nothing else, it would be fun to watch Joan Collins go into full-on vixen mode and make teen-age boys squirm. And that would be fun were "Homework" made as a Joan Collins vehicle designed to capitalize on/poke fun at her "Dynasty" fame. But it turns out "Homework" was made in 1979, when Collins' career was in a free-fall and she was appearing in movies like "The Stud" and "Empire of the Ants." She may be one of the biggest names in the cast, but not big enough to ensure this turd got distributed… until 1982, when Collins was the queen of prime time.The actual star of "Homework" is the late Michael Morgan. Morgan, who brings to mind a very young (and less interesting) Owen Wilson, is Tommy, a whiny teen so preoccupied by his virginity that he's failing his classes and needing to see a therapist (Carrie Snodgress, another slumming actress in the cast). Not helping is Sheila (Erin Donovan), the girl to whom Tommy wants to lose his virginity, if he could just get her to stop her obsessive quest to make the swim team. While Sheila swims Tommy and his friend Ralph (Lanny Horn) decide to form a band, The Flies ("The kind on your pants!"). It's the forming of the band, not Tommy getting laid, that is the main driver of "Homework"'s shambling story. Sprinkled throughout the movie are fantasy sequences (the only parts of the movie that appear to be shot in the 1980s) that seem to exist solely to pad the runtime with some extra T&A, using an obvious stand-in for Morgan. Joan Collins plays Sheila's mom, by the way. She spends most of her 15 minutes of screen time reminiscing about her teen years (flashback to the 1950s for more bare breasts!) while her husband takes a shower off camera. A stand-in takes over when Collins' character finally gives in to her awakened desires, a sex scene that would have been anticlimactic, so to speak, even if Collins had done her own nudity. (Though she was not averse to doing nude scenes in other movies, Collins refused to take anything off for "Homework," a choice made because of money rather than modesty, I imagine.)Despite being totally inept, "Homework" is intermittently entertaining, like a scene in which a class is shown a poorly animated, 1960s-era V.D. scare film. There are also some surprising dark moments, such as when it's revealed that The Flies' drummer is abused by his father. Dan Safran and Maurice Peterson's mess of a screenplay doesn't seem to know which direction to go — teen sex comedy? coming of age dramedy? let's put on a show-style semi-musical? — and director James Beshears only makes things worse. Were this movie a little more tasteless and a lot more memorable it could easily be the "Myra Breckinridge" of teen comedies. Instead, it's a reminder of just how dire things had become for Joan Collins before she joined the cast of "Dynasty."

This movie was billed as the next best thing to "Private Lessons". The movie was marketed on the misperceived sex goddess status of Joan Collins. She never goes Mary Kay LeTourneau. All you get to see is a really weak teen soap opera. My sister, her fiancé,and I went to this movie and left it with the same reaction we had to Porkies; a triumph of marketing for not a lot of movie. Joan Collins does some flashbacks of her youth and then she was an active participant in romance; it was a low level rip off of the Graduate. The teen band sequence was a bad version of the Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland OK kids, let's put on a show. The end was not even very climactic; the two male leads walking out of a movie theater and talking of trying to make a movie just like when they started a band.

This is one of those teen sex comedies that seems to possess all the same ingredients as others in the genre but when it was over I can honestly say that I never found even one scene the least bit funny. Story is about a high school senior named Tommy (Michael Morgan) who thinks about sex so much that his grades start to suffer and he's forced to go to a psychologist (Carrie Snodgress) but he is also having trouble with his girlfriend Sheila (Erin Donovan) who spends her time swimming in the family pool to try and make the swim team.*****SPOILER ALERT***** One day Tommy and his best friend Ralph (Lanny Horn) decide to put a band together for the talent show and this seems to occupy his time but he's still hopelessly horny and dreams of girls throwing themselves at him. Sheila's mother Diana (Joan Collins) starts to remember the good old days when she was a teenager messing around with boys in the front seat of cars and one day she takes a good look at Tommy which results in her taking his virginity.This was directed by James Beshears who never did direct another film although he did go on to a very successful career working behind the scenes. His lack of directorial skills is painfully evident as scenes are edited together in the most amateurish way and the use of flashbacks are downright clumsy looking. This was released into theaters in 1982 but it was actually filmed in 1979 and it's very easy to see how the times had changed in those years because characters talk about disco music and wear Jim Morrison t-shirts with bell bottoms. As I stated this film really has no humor and one can't help but think that everyone connected with the making of this had no idea of what comedy is. In one truly uncomfortable scene the characters Sheila and Lisa start picking on the black chick Cookie (Renee Harris) about her not knowing how to swim and being a virgin. If that wasn't bad enough than how funny is it when Lisa visits her rock star idol and ends up catching gonorrhea? Yeah, that's always a knee slapper! To be honest I did (almost) grin when one of Tommy's teachers starts yelling at him about his grades slipping and shouting "continue like this and you'll be a garbage man!" The main point of the film is of course to watch the sexy Joan Collins bed a young man but the scenes have a body double and it's (once again) horribly edited. There is one question that I hope readers of this can help me with and it's with the identity of the actress who played the blond buxom nurse in the fantasy sequence. If anyone knows her name I would greatly appreciate it. This film sat in moth balls for a few years until the television show "Dynasty" became a hit and Collins suddenly erupted as a hot commodity which prompted the studios to dust this off and shoved it into theaters, but lets be real, compared to the rest of the horny teenager flicks this is a very cheap and badly made effort that offers very little to viewers.

I suppose you could call it a feature length after school special. Homework touches on some strange subjects though (I wish after school specials had been this interesting) including having sex with your girlfriends mom and how to cope with getting vd from a rock star. It's somewhat likeable, but I recommend watching it for the camp value alone.