House of the Long Shadows (1984)

Better than most people think

A Masterpiece!

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

You don't cast a bland-looking nepotistic bore in the midst of a mostly heavyweight cast, regardless of whether you're making a Disney comedy or tortureporn. Desi Arnaz? He looks like he should be in "The Brady Bunch" or part of the Osmonds, singing some happy-flappy tune.The premise is just too stupid for words: a writer, Desi - doubtlessly a buffoonish writer (perhaps a parody of Stephen King?) - bets his publisher he can write a NOVEL on par with "Wuthering Heights" in 24 hours. Now, I'm no mathematics genius, but he'd have to type at lightning speed without no 1, eating or no 2 just to write ANYTHING the size of a novel (for example "all work and no play makes Desi a dull clown"), let alone a finished manuscript that would compare to a classic, overrated or not. This fact alone should have given Desi's boss enough confidence to win the bet without resorting to sabotage; I mean, who wouldn't win that bet? It'd be like someone betting you they can eat the Eiffel Tower in a week. Would you sabotage them?Dumber still, his boss concocts that plan - spontaneously(!) - how to screw over Desi, in what turns out to be more elaborate than an Oliver Stone conspiracy or that absurd Fincher flick, "The Game". Just how his boss managed to get the whole thing organized in a few hours, in what took on the shape of a major theatrical play almost, that's naturally never explained. Nor is it clear how openly CHEATING in a bet wins the bet. But then again, his boss does lose the bet in the prologue, after the whole charade: huh?The setting is nice, there's plenty of corny thunder every 5 minutes, and even the female cast is mostly not unattractive (a gift not to be taken for granted in a UK film), but the whole thing just wasn't funny (giving Desi all the shoddy one-liners just makes the dialog even worse), and the twist was quite predictable - simply because this is billed as a comedy. Kinda like putting 2 and 2 together.No, just because it's a "comedy" doesn't justify the sheer absurdity. Nor is it acceptable that the director LIES to the audience; for example, the scene in which the sexy brunette pours acid on herself. She was clearly playing for the camera, not for Desi, his intended "victim". That's rubbish writing, dumb logic. Characters aren't supposed to know they're being watched by an audience - otherwise they might start doubting their own existence, might start feeling a little like Keanu in "The Matrix" (IF that film had been intelligently written).Desi even hits on the blonde in the last scene, despite finding out she's married and meeting her husband - and the floozy actually hints she's up for an affair! Perhaps this dumb film was written by a swinger with a poor sense of humour.

An American writer goes to a remote Welsh manor on a $20,000 bet... to write the all American classic novel in twenty-four hours. Upon his arrival, the writer discovers that the manor, thought empty, actually has several, rather odd inhabitants, who make guest appearances throughout the film, and by George, don't they look familiar?.....Good old Cannon pictures, this is their attempt at making a Hammer Horror film, and they even have the cream of the crop popping up every now and again for a 'reunion' of sorts.If you view the film as if it's a comedy, there is much fun to be had.From every seasoned actor making a wonderfully impacting entrance (all that's missing is some scary incidental music when they introduce themselves), to Peter Cushings wonderful Jonathan Ross type speech impediment.The main story is very Woman In Black-esque, and the makers could have gone either way with this. If they decided to just have the writer on his own, with just the the spirits of the house, it could have been a bonafide spine tingler.But it plays more like an episode of Noels House Party. Every fifteen minutes after the second act, someone polls up, explains why they are there, slightly vex the writer and gradually reveal why they happened to turn up on this particular night.But the final act goes for broke and really shakes things up. If you were really listening to the smug American and the pompous Brit proposition each other, you can see the outcome coming a mile off, but the final third is just so much fun, you can forgive the ridiculous plot holes.It's great to see these four acclaimed horror icons in the same film, and there is a wonderful element of camp about the whole proceedings, but straight horror enthusiasts may not take kindly to the film making light of these legendary actors.Would make a very interesting triple bill with April Fool's Day, and The Game..

This movie has managed to make all of the greatest horror icons to appear in the same movie: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and Vincent Price. John Carradine is also starring and disappoints nobody. The movie feature excellent performances from the actors and the story is smart, funny and sometimes scary. The atmosphere is unrivaled and in the "House" genre, this is the best one out there. For everyone who loves horror movies, or just great performances from veteran actors, this is a must see. It is one of my favorite films of all time.I recommend this classic for everyone enthusiastic about good films.

I really liked this cozy little horror flick. Mix a nice atmosphere (a mansion), three old gentlemen (read "three horror icon actors"), some thunder, a piano apparently playing by itself, a madman/freak running the forests around the mansion ... even an old doll looking a bit scabby. All the traditional ingredients. But all in a nice, gentle kind of way. All topped with a teaspoon of humor and glint in the eye (I really liked the meeting between the two young tourists and the old gentlemen). All mixed together with a plot filled with secrets and old dark family affairs. Some nice and even a couple of unexpected twists and turns.Don't expect the best darned horror movie you've ever seen, nor the scariest. Just a good play with old clichés. That's what it was to me. Definitely nothing we've never seen before, but nor the worse in that genre. A pretty good cozy thriller, that's it.