Andre the Butcher (2005)

Such a frustrating disappointment

So much average

Sadly Over-hyped

Worth seeing just to witness how winsome it is.

This movie is a MUST for all B-Movie horror buffs! It has everything you could ever hope for: Nudity, bad fake blood, absurd killer (never explained why he kills), and cheerleader lesbians! OF COURSE this is a terrible movie. The plot and directing are OK, as in perfunctory which is actually much better than most films like this.The GREAT: Nudity, Cheerleaders, and bi-curious cheerleaders getting naked and going at it! The GOOD: The filmmakers knew what they were making - a stupid horror movie. All the actors are really stupid and annoying, and thankfully, they do all get killed! The music was actually good, a lot of great dark metal! The BAD: The dialogue was so horrible I found myself fast-fowarding through some scenes it was so bad. Also there is a lot of padding added to this film, with characters walking FOREVER while a song plays, save yourself the time and just fast-forward. Also, the blood was so stupid and fake, its like "Oh no! I got red corn syrup all overm yself!" Ron Jeremey is absurd as the killer, his arm gets blown off multiple times, and he literally just staples it back together and its good as new. He literally jumps out of nowhere, and can't be stopped - obviously the film-makers are were just playing up the camp with Ron Jeremey's character. Also, why the hell were all the cheerleaders wearing their uniform the entire time!? Would they really be wearing their uniforms on a cross-country road trip? That was really stupid. I think it must have been just to keep wardrobe costs down, as I'm sure it cost about $50 or so to make this "film"

Before people get all crazy, the above rating is on, overall, how good a movie it was. It was somewhat clear, and had some funny/creative moments in it. Now, for more specifics.The Cons: This movie drags. It's about an hour and a half, and if this is the only entertainment or focus for the time you watch it, it will be hard to resist turning it off. However, if you're having a get together or friends over or something like that, this would be fun. The acting is bad. The special effects aren't good. And it's nowhere near scary or disturbing.The Pros: (1) At one point, there is a fight between two cheerleader squads. I've never seen a horror movie with two cheerleader squads, much less two of them duking it out. (2) Ron Jeremy is the killer. It's really nice to see this guy branch out, clean his image up a bit for the kids. (3) There's this guy who's always screaming for mercy. He's been severed at the waist, and he asks for people to kill him. He's like a mini, hugely-apparent easter egg every time he shows up. (4) The end, while somewhat boring, gets points for creativity. Let's just say that Holy Urine used to condemn a butcher to hell, well, that's pretty funny. (5) Oh, yes, and the narrator: an old guy playing the harmonica as he uses modern vernacular. Pretty priceless.Conclusion: If you're looking for a good piece of film or a thrill, do not get this movie. If you're looking for a good, half-brained, 'interesting' piece of horror to keep on while doing something else, it might be worth checking out.

I waited over 2 weeks for Andre to arrive thru Netflix and it was definitely worth the wait. There's not much to do in my town so I watch A LOT of movies, and all kinds. Andre The Butcher really didn't meet my expectations, which was a good thing. Andre is probably the best low-budget indie I've seen in the last 3 years. I call it an indie and not a horror film because there is a lot more going on in this film than just pretty faces and slasher gore. Unlike most shoestring digital movies out there, Andre actually has good actors, sharp dialog, good camera work and its just a damn funny movie. Yeah, its obvious this wasn't made with the budget of Titanic folks. But the filmmakers really got a lot of bang out of their buck.The only negative thing I would mention is the boxart. The front of the DVD box makes it look like a straightforward gorefest, which is definitely not the case. I can see a lot of disappointed horror fans out there in this regard. I would recommend that horror fans and audience in general not get fooled by the sinister boxart. This is best described as a comedy with horror elements- the kinda flick to watch with the gang and a kegger. Once you understand the true nature of this film, it is a blast! I hope these guys make more movies, and more with that delicious hottie April Billingsley. She can lick chilli off my toes anytime! ;)

The film caught my eye at Blockbuster this past weekend. Being a huge horror/slasher film, I was lured in by the great box art and the blurbs on the cover by so-called horror critics declaring this film "the best low budget horror flick in years." PLEASE!!! I really question how many films these people have actually seen OR how much money the producers of this flick paid them to say these positive things! Believe me folks...this film is A-W-F-U-L!! If you are truly a horror fan, you have probably seen the 80's slasher flick "The Last Slumber Party." This film is absolutely horrendous.....well..."Andre the Butcher" comes pretty close to beating that flick in terms of awfulness.The plot is absurd and centers around a trio of cheerleaders who stumble across the house of a supposed serial killer, apparently called "Andre the Butcher" (I say apparently because absolutely ZERO background is given to the killer or his motives). The house, despite being the residence of an apparent cannabilistic serial killer, is actually quite cozy and tidy. Nothing at all scary about it at all....it could be your grandmother's house, for crying out loud! At least make the house creepy to add suspense!! The stupidity int he fact that the cheerleaders simply go into the house and basically start living there (they were suppose to be looking for a phone to call for help) adds to the stupidity of the plot. Secondly, the acting is atrocious from EVERYONE involved....the cheerleaders are terrible and are quite out of shape and homely. The lighting and direction are strictly amateurish in every sense of the word. There are shifts in the picture color and contrast throughout the entire film. Ron Jeremy makes for a terrible killer and an obvious body double is used for him almost the entire film--it's obvious because the body double is twice the size of Jeremy and wears a silly looking black curly wig.I understand this is suppose to be more comedy than horror, but tell me what is funny AT ALL about this mess? And why try to appeal to horror/gore hounds with the box art when the gore and murders in the film are all very mild and fake looking? And if you can even make it through the opening scene of this film, which is absolutely laughable terrible, you deserve some sort of prize.This is seriously the worst attempt at a horror film I have seen in at least 15 years. Rent if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you! 0 out of 10.