Roadside (2013)

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

The movie is wildly uneven but lively and timely - in its own surreal way

what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Here are a list of ingredients of which mixed together makes for an altogether disgusting stew of a bad thriller movie.Here goes:1. Have unremarkable performances from your leads to disengage you from the narrative and therefore not create tension.2. Have those same characters occupy boring archetypes (like a struggling couple as in this film) of which leads to recycled plotlines, making the film feel redundant.3. Have these characters occupy a unique story, sucking all the life and fun out of it, making it feel all the more unoriginal.4. Have said characters make stupid decisions (like about using their phones) to elongate the plot as opposed to creating an exciting story or characters.5. Create false tension through numerous regurgitated storylines and plot threads instead of writing strong enough characters or a strong enough story to carry it and create actual tension alone.6. Have contrived scenes (including some related to the wife character being pregnant) to again create false tension and make us feel empathy of which the film has not earned towards these characters, given how uninteresting and unlikable they have been up to this point.7. Have the bad guy act moronically, including a scene whereby he flees the area, even though he has a couple HELD HOSTAGE of who could flee once he did that. Have the main characters not jump at this opportunity either.8. Have an out of nowhere scene to trick you into thinking that the person on screen is the bad guy when it isn't, to develop a mystery that has previously been woefully underdone.9. Have the end scene have a twist so out of place all the while so predictable, as the mystery of the villain hasn't been developed at all up until this point.10. Don't end your film. Leave it on a cliffhanger of which will be mistaken for ambiguity and intrigue by imbeciles, but is clearly the writer giving up because he has run out of money or doesn't know how to end his film. In other words, that is this movie in a nutshell. Avoid it at all costs.

Never try to be Hitchcockian. And this goes for you, M. Night., as well. OK, even M. Night Shyamalan wouldn't have taken on this script. But, writer/director Eric England did. And he even hired a Bernard Herrmann- esque composer for this film. Shame. Despite that score also being a rip-off, it was the best part of this movie.Independent horror films can be a gem. If you can find them. Though I love watching them, I only find one really great one for every twenty I watch. Most recently, I've been binge watching several Indie-Horror movies, including this one. Of the six, only Summer Camp rose above average and was almost perfect. It's not every day you discover a: The Invitation, The Final Girls, Summer Camp or the granddaddy of them all: Halloween. Boy, do I love those days.This Wednesday…wasn't one of them.Aside from the major plot holes, were the additional WTF moments: Why would he do that? She wouldn't do that! He could do this. He didn't think of this? Let me back up. The movie involves a troubled couple on the way to spend Christmas at the male-half's family house. They get stopped on Christmas Eve in the middle of nowhere by a sniper with the least effective and hilariously bad voice telling him what he'll do if the male-half doesn't obey his wishes.Basically, the husband stays outside in the cold with the threat of being shot if he tries to reenter his vehicle while his very pregnant wife must stay inside the car…or the hidden-in-the-woods sniper will kill one or both of them.Okay, I get the concept and for a point, it's interesting. But, as it wears on, it gets predictable, problematic and annoying with the (again) man's terrible voice. It was so incredibly un-creepy and unintentionally hilarious, it was hard to feel threatened alongside our victim couple. Plus, the script even hints at the killer man's omnipotence with a subplot that, very sadly, begins and goes nowhere in seconds.Maybe this was an experimental film and w/d Eric England wanted to get his feet wet first. Not sure. But, I know he did surround himself with talent. Unfortunately for him, his future film lineup doesn't look promising. Whelp, good luck to him because this surely isn't recommended nor am I dying to dive into another of his projects.***Final thoughts: To be fair, this movie wasn't 100% terrible. There were moments of flair. But, for the love of all that's horror, listen to your gut. When you hear the mysterious man in the woods, or "the killer," and he sounds silly and nonthreatening, hire someone with a deep and scary voice and ADR the sh|t out of those scenes. Please.

ROADSIDE is a cheapjack horror/thriller combo about a couple who go out driving one night and end up being stranded in their car by a sniper lurking in the woods. It's a low budget suspense movie that clearly wants to be the next PHONE BOOTH, but the single location set-up of the thing is all it has going for it.Instead this is a boring film filled with unlikeable characters and overwrought acting. Nothing much happens for long stretches and attempts at suspense fall flat over and over again. It doesn't help that you don't give a fig for the characters supposedly in peril while the villain of the piece is equally dull and yawnsome. Lots of shooting-in-the-dark cinematography follows, leaving viewers to squint their eyes and wonder why they're still watching until the final, predictable scene unfolds.

****Not sure if this really contains a spoiler. I talk about the end, but I don't give it away. Just a bit about whether or not I liked the end. So if you don't want to know if it had a good, great, horrible or even alright ending, stop reading towards the end of this review.****I went into this with little expectation of liking it. Then I did like it. The dialogue between the husband and wife was entertaining, never forced or stilted nor boring. The writing was reasonably done as was the acting. Honestly the only character I disliked was the bad guy. Duh, right? I didn't dislike him because he was the bad guy I just didn't like the way his lines were delivered. Knowing what I know now(the ending) I wonder if this was done on purpose. I watched this really waiting for what I thought, no, knew to happen. But it didn't it keep on . Then it ended. Yep. It ended. All movies end you are thinking. Yeah, they do. But this one ended before I thought it would. It surprised me. That doesn't happen often. Did I like the end? I don't know. Maybe I'm just to used to "and they all lived happily ever after, The End." Maybe I just like more explanation. I don't know. I didn't hate it. But I didn't love it either. Sequel , anyone?