The Sex Thief (1974)

The Worst Film Ever

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

THE SEX THIEF is a British sexploitation movie from 1974 with a surprising amount of professional qualities given the usual standards of the genre. It has a plot, for instance, rather than a series of random vignettes, and although it's quite obviously a comedy, it's also rather serious in places. There's - gasp! - characterisation too, and a script co-written by Hammer scribe Tudor Gates and MARK OF THE DEVIL helmer Michael Armstrong, amusingly writing together under the pseudonym Edward Hyde. THE SEX THIEF was directed by Kiwi-born Martin Campbell, who has gone on to such famous features as CASINO ROYALE and GREEN LANTERN, and he gives the production a fine and slick look.The tale, about a notorious cat burglar who more often than not seduces his female victims, is fairly familiar stuff, but enlivened by some fun performances. David Warbeck, well known for a career in Italian exploitation, is a delight as the titular character in what is a surprisingly show-all performance. The engaging supporting cast features Armstrong himself in support, alongside the lovely Jennifer Westbrook as a kung fu fighter, Harvey Hall (the butler in THE VAMPIRE LOVERS) as Warbeck's contact, Christopher Biggins, and plenty more besides. There's plenty of rather explicit sex scenes here and lots of nudity, as you'd expect, but take that all out and the film would still work.

Unless you like this genre or want to see an example of this genre, there is nothing to like here. I happen to be a big fan of 70s movies and have seen many 100s and for me this was all this movie was -- another movie to round out my attempt to see as many 70s films as possible. The plot here is paper thin and the ending highly predictable. The soft porn scenes of sex is what separates this movie from other bad movies. The dress, sideburns, way of speaking, cars, etc. were far more interesting to me than anything else. Without this the movie is a 2 or 3. It's amazing to me that these films got funded and made, but I guess in an era before the internet the soft porn angle was a draw.

The British sex films from 1968-1982 are much maligned within the British commonwealth and almost completely unknown outside it. For some reason I've seen any number of them now thanks to DVD companies like Jezebel and Wham! USA, and they really shouldn't be tarred with one brush. This movie, for instance, is actually pretty good. It was directed by the talented Martin Campbell who later went on to do "Eskimo Nell", which might be the best of all these films (and, unlike a lot of the hacks that toiled in this "genre", Campbell eventually became a big-name director, even doing a James Bond film years later).This movie is not as funny as "Eskimo Nell", but it has a lot more sex. It's definitely a very far-out male fantasy about a handsome novelist- turned-cat-burglar (David Warbeck) who keeps running into the attractive lady of the house during his jobs, who he then invariably seduces and works over so well in bed that she lets him get away with her jewels, gives a false of a description of him to the police, and in one case even invites him back for seconds. The police meanwhile are no help (not surprisingly since the dissembling "victims" variously describe the burglar as a one-armed midget, a 6'6" Russian with a hare-lip, etc.). One of the detectives on the case is obsessed with pornography and is always neglecting his job, endlessly discussing it and trading it with a reporter. The lead detective meanwhile is in love with a pretty female insurance investigator. He is alarmed when she sets herself up as bait for the burglar, but he ought to be more worried for the burglar since she turns out to be sexually insatiable and a black-belt in karate! David Warbeck later appeared in three Lucio Fulci horror movies. Michael Armstrong, director of "Mark of the Devil" and the lead in "Eskimo Nell", plays the easily distracted detective. Of course, there's also plenty of nice crumpet here like Jenny Westbrook, a regular in these type of films, who plays the first victim, and Dianne Keen who plays the insurance investigator . Films like this could ONLY have been made in Britain in the 1970's and they wouldn't be made anywhere today. That in itself makes them worth checking out in my book, but this one is also pretty good to boot.

The late David Warbeck is Grant Henry aka The Sex Thief in this surprising 1973 sex comedy. A writer of trashy paperbacks like The Dirty and the Dying, Henry moonlights as a masked jewel thief who is usually caught in the act but lures his female captors to bed. Bedroom gymnast that he is, the women lie about his identity 'who could disguise himself as a clubfooted coloured midget one week and a 6'6 Russian with a hair lip the next' and even hope to get burgled again! A shameless Hollywood producer and a dizzy blonde try to drum up publicity by claiming that the Thief assaulted her. Enraged that his name has been tarnished The Sex Thief buys a plastic gun and in a Forced Entry manner stalks the actress, catching her in the bath before the pair reinact her made up scenario. Dim, corrupt cops more interested in selling contraband blue movies than catching the Thief also become involved in the caper. Despite the low voltage stereotype of the British sex film The Sex Thief is well made and occasionally funny and sexy. This was in fact a kinky package for the Ups and Downs of a Handyman era crowd- with several jolting sequences such as intercuting a wrestling match with sex thief's own brand of wrestling not to mention his own subjugation at the hands of a Kung-Fu trained insurance investigator! Its more infamous today for its re-edited American release that in classic sleaze fashion took a softcore foreign feature and beefed it up with X- rated inserts. This version entitled 'Her Family Jewels' dubiously resurfaced in the UK years later under the premise that semi-famous British thesps (Dianne Keen, Christopher Biggins) had once appeared in an X-rated movie. RADA trained Michael Armstrong who acts in the film as a breast obsessed cop and wrote the film under demonic alter ego 'Edward Hyde', is most familiar to exploitation fans for the much banned Mark of the Devil as well as the autobiographical Eskimo Nell. Viewers familiar with the latter will no doubt feel a sense of deja vu here as several characters and scenarios make premature appearances in The Sex Thief. Another discovery is actress Gloria Walker aka Gloria Maley who went from being worked over by Warbeck's buzzing 'simulator' to providing blood and guts effects for the gruesome Inseminoid (1980)- a more diverse career move is hard to imagine. The Sex Thief rises above the typical British sexpo thanks to some pointed raunchiness, a surprisingly subversive script and a charismatic leading man. Warbeck was once apparently the mysterious house breaking protagonist of the Milk Tray ads whilst director Martin Campbell recently made the big budget Zorro movie, two things worth pondering while you watch The Sex Thief.