Evilspeak (1982)

everything you have heard about this movie is true.

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Skip this one; it's not even campy enough for laughs. You get a 75 minute bore-fest, followed by 5 minutes of carnage with some of the effects so bad (like Clint Howard having a bad hair day as he hovers on visible wires) you wonder just how minuscule WAS the budget for this cheapie. When I saw "Evilspeak" in the theater in 1981, I hadn't noticed Clint Howard in anything since TV's "Gentle Ben" a decade before, when he was about 5. And (come to think of it) I haven't noticed him in much since, except bit parts in his big bro Ron's movies. Well, since he had to "carry" the entire movie on his limited acting skills, it's no wonder. And as for summoning up a demon on that laughable, stone-age computer... all I can say is "Estevan" must be a real low-grade demon, indeed! Makes even "Pazuzu" of "Exorcist II: The Heretic" look menacing and scary.

An army cadet is bullied by four other students and some authority figures. One day he is sent to clean the old church basement as a punishment and, while there, he finds a secret room which contains an ancient Satanic Mass book. He discovers that passages from it can reincarnate a 16th century Satanist called Esteban. Using a computer, he revives Esteban and has bloody revenge on all those from the academy who have wronged him.Evilspeak was another early 80's horror movie that found itself onto the UK video nasty list. These were the films considered so offensive that they threatened the moral fabric of Britain back in the day. As a result it was banned and, naturally, has benefited ever since from the notoriety. Like most on that list it's difficult to understand what all the fuss was about with this one. If anything it proves that the censors back then were a spectacularly over-sensitive and humourless group of people. Because it's well-nigh impossible to see how they could have thought anyone could have taken this film seriously enough to then go out and commit acts of violence. This is a film about a possessed computer after all. It features a horde of man-eating pigs and has a climax where the hero floats through the air wielding a big sword. To my knowledge, none of these things has ever cropped up in the news in the years since Evilspeak was released.How is it as a film? It's fun, if nothing too impressive. It takes it's time to get to the horror stuff to be fair, although this does allow for more character development. The main guy Cling Howard (Ron's brother) is pretty decent and is a guy that's easy to root for. The film is essentially a nerd revenge flick and the bullies are an appalling bunch of cretins. So you are willing them to be dispensed with in as nasty a way as possible. And to be fair, the climax is pretty good with all manner of gory mayhem ensuing. Evilspeak is kind of a hybrid of Carrie with early 80's computer technology…with demon pigs thrown in for good measure. It's one of those horror films from the time that is kind of crazed but pretty imaginative, so it's easy to get onside with this one.

Even if "Evilspeak" is reminiscent of earlier, and better, films, most significantly "Carrie", it's still an entertaining "loser strikes back" story done in an appreciably trashy and cheesy manner.The incomparable Clint Howard scores in his first big leading role, that of Stanley Coopersmith, orphaned cadet at a military school whom almost everybody else hates, for no really good reason. When as part of his frequent punishment details he's required to start cleaning the cellar / dungeon of the chapel, he finds a treasure trove of Satanic artifacts and, with the help of a handy school computer, tries to put together his own Black Mass and get some good and very bloody revenge.First things first: I can understand how some viewers may become impatient by the time the revenge finally rolls around; the movie doesn't really begin to kick ass until its final dozen or so minutes. THEN people willing to stick it out will be rewarded with a lot of fire, a lot of screaming, and some delicious gore gags. Oh, and pigs. "Evilspeak" definitely does not come up short in the pig imagery department. We get that, and we also get to see computers used at a time when they hadn't yet become a common part of everyday human life. Back then, it was still a lot more intriguing to have these machines figure so prominently. The art direction and moody cinematography are quite competent, especially in those dungeon sets. This is one very good looking movie. And speaking of good looks, there are enough attractive young women on hand to keep some people happy. Co-star Lynn Hancock (whose character clearly is turned on by corporal punishment) appreciably fulfils a nudity requirement. Roger Kellaway's music ain't exactly subtle, but it serves its purpose. A top notch cast full of familiar faces add to the enjoyment: R.G. Armstrong as cranky drunk "Sarge", Joseph Cortese as the reverend, Claude Earl Jones as the coach, Haywood Nelson as Kowalski (one of only two people at the academy who show Coopersmith any kindness), Don Stark as head bully "Bubba", Charles Tyner (playing a part not unlike the one he played in "Harold and Maude" 10 years previous) as the colonel in charge, the hilarious Hamilton Camp as an instructor, and Lenny Montana from "The Godfather" as the cook. Even Richard "Bull" Moll turns up as a demented Satan worshipping priest.Most importantly, Howard excels in the main role - a movie like this does need its protagonist to be sympathetic, and Howard makes Coopersmith an effective character in this regard. Some of the dialogue is highly quotable; one could play a drinking game every time the name Coopersmith, or a certain variation on it, is uttered in the movie. It doesn't matter if the theme is familiar, or if the movie isn't particularly "good"; personally, I think it's a great deal of fun, and remains amusing even on repeated viewings.Eight out of 10.

This is one of those guilty pleasures. The budget is low, effects are outdated, story is cheesy, and the acting... well actually the acting isn't so bad in this. Clint Howard does a great job as the out of shape abused nerd that just happens to be in a Military School. Don't ask me why he of all people would be there in the first place, it's best it you don't try and poke at the plot holes, or things come apart pretty quickly.So this movie follows a simple basic formula, people abuse nerd, nerd finds satanic book, nerd becomes possessed, nerd slaughters those who did him wrong. It's that straight forward.The most enjoyable scene in the film for a variety of reasons is when the greedy secretary Miss Friedemeyer who stole Stanley's book because she wanted the jewel pentagram from the cover goes home and tries to pry it off but can't. So when she runs into a dead end with that she then strips and has a nice shower scene for the audience(I didn't complain). While she's showering she hears a noise, the first time she shakes it off as if it was nothing, the second time she gets out of the shower to investigate. When she opens the bathroom door to see what the noise is she's attacked but a pack of wild bores(pigs). She desperately flees to the bathtub with no avail. The bores attack her, ripping her apart, and thus eat her alive. The final shot of Miss Friedemeyer is when the bores flip her dead body out of the tub, and tear out her intestines.This movie is a cheap, campy, cheesy horror flick. It's good to watch on a B-Horror film night, or when your bored and you have nothing better to do. Normally I'd give this film a 5/10, but the Miss Friedemeyer death sequence made me take it up a notch to 6/10.