Pinup Dolls on Ice (2013)

I really wanted to like this movie. I feel terribly cynical trashing it, and that's why I'm giving it a middling 5. Actually, I'm giving it a 5 because there were some superb performances.

One of the most extraordinary films you will see this year. Take that as you want.

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

I can honestly say the girl on the cover in G-string and pasties looks like something that is part of the film. Imagine that. There is a deranged killer on the loose in Lancaster Park, Canada. He makes a lot of noise as he constantly grunts. His background is introduced about 50 minutes into the film. Say "hello" to Moe (William Jarand). The "Pinup Dolls" is the name of group of five young ladies who perform a burlesque style show, entertaining men, but drawing the line. They don't do nudity. Our killer likes to put dead girls on ice...and then use them.This is an eighties style slasher filmed in Canada. Humorous banter, plenty of blood, some nudity, and not much in creating characters. In the first scene, Kristy (Ashley Laventure) is all set up to be our "Final Girl" ...Guide: F-word, FF nudity (Ashley Laventure, Emily Crighton plus some corpses.) Necrophilia.

Oh boy, just what the horror world needed… a lousy sequel to lousy 2009 slasher Bikini Girls On Ice. This one picks up where the last one left off, with wheezing maniac mechanic Moe (William Jarand) targeting a new group of girls: the performers of a burlesque show.There are just two things that a film of this nature needs to deliver: hot girls, preferably unclothed, and creative kills with lots of gore. Although Pinup Dolls on Ice definitely delivers more nudity than its predecessor, the girls really aren't all that attractive (if I had paid to see them strip, I'd want my money back!), and the death scenes are extremely disappointing, special effects limited to some fake blood liberally splashed about, and a severed head in the film's closing moments.Here's a run down of what you can expect if, like me, you decide to watch against your better judgement: a totally naked chick with a ridiculous trout pout and silicon breasts, an irritating slacker dude with long hair, a gratuitous shower scene, lots and lots of uninspired screaming and running and hiding in the dark, a spot of necrophilia, loads of poorly acted conversation between the irritating strippers, a predictable death for the cop (it's meant to be a surprise, but I saw it coming a mile away), a 'shock' final act in which the last survivor also dies (yawn), and an epilogue that promises a third movie which I'll still probably watch even though I know it'll be crap.2.5 out of 10, rounded up to 3 for at least trying with the nekkidness.

After watching this and reading a review by someone who compares this with great movies like "High Tension" and "Wolf Creek", it's obvious that that particular review had to be written by family of the director, his wife, his best friend, or something like that. "Pin-up Dolls" is a sequel to "Bikini Girls on Ice" (I'm certainly not going to watch that one..) and we have the same killer named "Moe" who growls the entire time and stalks a couple of strippers who in real life could even be strippers, but certainly no actors. Their performances are awful to watch, all the cardboard characters are painfully annoying, every second you hope they get killed right away. The dialogue is unintentionally funny and probably made up at the spot. The story makes no sense at all, the girls have plenty of opportunity to run away but instead they stay and hide, or even walk into the arms of the killer, who's isn't menacing or even convincing. Help arrives in the form of the local sheriff: in this peril situation he's surprisingly calm and takes all the time in the world to explain the entire back-story to the girls. Knowing that the killer is out there, he just walks outside without any protection and gets killed..Basically, it's a hard movie to sit through. It's even harder not to touch the "fast-forward" button, but besides the nudity (well, at least there's plenty of that but don't get too excited) the only reason why you keep on watching is because it's a slasher movie: so there has to be special effects and a couple of nice killings. Again, a big no-no: the FX are limited to screaming women covered in blood, blood spraying, blood on the walls and a couple of post-mortem wounds. Yep, the budget was very limited on this one. You're relieved when the credits finally roll, but also a little confused: there's no real ending, it just kind of stops and (here's where the real horror starts..) even leaves an open door for a sequel..! Clearly inspired by classics like "Friday the 13th" - Parts 1 & 2 in particular, you're better off watching those again instead of wasting 85 minutes here. Want something more recent, watch "You're Next".

Wow! I had the pleasure of screening this gem at the 2013 New York City Horror Festival this past weekend and all I can say is "AMEN"! Montreal-based filmmakers Geoff Klein & Melissa Mira of BGOI FILMS have welcomed us back to the 'Slasher' genre with Pinup Dolls On Ice - a high voltage feature that delivers real scares, brutal violence, and the toughest bunch of Final Girls who can act the stilettos off the current genre's contemporaries! I have not seen a film of this caliber since Haute Tension, Severance and Wolf Creek. With rich production value, a great tongue-in-cheek script, a taut, nerve racking pace, and lush sound design guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat, Pinup Dolls On Ice is not only a 'welcome back' to a beloved genre, but a re-imagining of where it can (and should) be taken. Yeah...I'm a fan of this one!