The Undertaker (1988)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

Great story, amazing characters, superb action, enthralling cinematography. Yes, this is something I am glad I spent money on.

THE UNDERTAKER is a Z-grade shot-on-video horror film of the late 1980s, with all of the cheesiness that that scenario brings. The ever-sleazy Joe Spinell once again plays a maladjusted character in the MANIAC mould, this time working his way through a number of badly-acting supporting cast members. The film is light on the bloodshed, although it has a sleazy theme of necrophilia, but it's heavy on the tillation with endless scenes of women working out and showering. The amateur nature of the production is apparent in the bad special effects and the resort to padding with endless scenes from THE TERROR and THE CORPSE VANISHES fleshing out the running time. It's not very good.

Like I'm sure it's the case for every single other reviewer around here, my sole reason for watching "The Undertaker" was because it stars the great (and late) Joe Spinell in a role very similar to the one he played in the legendary gore classic "Maniac" (1980). Joe Spinell may have appeared in several acclaimed A-listed cinematic landmarks, like "The Godfather", "Rocky" or Taxi Driver", but he'll always be most remembered for his role as the perverted, mother-obsessed psychopath Frank Zito. Presumably he was desperate to add another notorious horror role to his repertoire, as he allegedly lobbied intensively to be cast in the titular role, but it didn't quite work out as he hoped. By now "The Undertaker" is a forgotten horror movie from the 80s, and rightfully so because it's really boring, slow-paced and badly acted. Apart from being the local undertaker, Roscoe is also a deranged and megalomaniac killer who keeps the embalmed bodies of his victims hanging around in the basement like there's some kind of everlasting tea party going on! Roscoe and his murder patterns aren't exactly discrete or carefully planned, so there are many people that grow suspicious and attempt to stop him (subsequently his own nephew, a high-school teacher, a sleazy cinema owner and a couple of police officers) but they stupidly get themselves caught or killed as well. It's truly incomprehensible that "The Undertaker" is such a disappointment, as it basically contains all the necessary ingredients for success: a simple but effective plot, a very high body count, some gore, gratuitous nudity and a creep in the lead role! However, the whole film gets ruined due to slow-pacing, too many pointless boring scenes and an endless amount of inaudibly muttered dialogues/monologues. Not recommended, unless you feel the uncontrollable urge to track down and watch literally every 80s horror slasher ever made (which I'd understand if that's the case, by the way).

Deranged mortician Uncle Roscoe (the singular Joe Spinell in peak creepy, slimy, and sweaty form) murders folks in a sleepy small town as a means of keeping his business afloat and stores their mangled bodies as gruesome souvenirs in the basement of his funeral home.Director Frank Steffanino, who's actually a pseudonym for no less than four different people (!), and screenwriter William Kennedy really go out of their way to scrupulously cover the sleazy exploitation cinema bases: We've got a pleasing plethora of leering gratuitous female nudity, an unsparingly sordid tone, cheesy gore, and a warped subtext about necrophilia for that extra icky kick. With the notable exception of Spinell, the rest of the lame no-name cast all give laughably atrocious performances, with Martha Somoeman in particular copping the grand thespic booby prize with her supremely irritating portrayal of shrewish old bat Hazel. The plodding pace, meandering narrative, and ludicrous surprise shock ending further enhance this film's considerable cruddy charm. A total trashy hoot.

"Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly".Deadingly dull slasher movie with Joe Spinell as a deranged coroner who likes to murder certain girls who fit a profile which attract his psycho-sexual sensibilities. On goes the white gloves and suit, Spinell, always the heavy breather, sweating away, knife drawn to gut the ladies he greets from behind, became typecast as a lunatic, never to escape the role he made famous in "Maniac". I imagine "The Undertaker" will be of definite interest to Spinell fans as he talks to dead people and lurks in the darkness, peeping on future victims. In between stalk and slash scenes, the pace languishes, not to mention Spinell looks to be in really bad health, slurring his lines as if either drunk or sick. Spinell's "Uncle" Roscoe sets his sights on his nephew Nicky's(Patrick Askin) anthropology teacher who teaches of necrophilia to her students..Nicky uncovers secrets regarding his uncle and wishes to tell somebody. When Nicky sees that Mrs. Hayes(Rebeca Yaron) understands a thing or two about Roscoe's "extra curricular activities", he unwittingly puts her in danger of being another female target. For those hoping Spinell would go off the depend, he does in grand fashion, eyes bulging with madness, all intense giggles, mouth salivating as his squirming victims struggle as life slips away, often gurgling on their own blood after a nasty throat slicing. There were a few other directors who attempted to ape Lustig's success with Spinell, but were simply not able to because Tom Savini was a vital part of why "Maniac" left a lasting impact. "The Undertaker" is a badly assembled mess, shot on the cheap in a few rooms and a couple of houses, with only Spinel's name recognition salvaging it. The sound and picture quality are dire. The final screenshot/fade-to-black is a pathetic attempt to model the fantastic close of "Maniac". Spinell wields a mean machete which impales and severs victims. Yaron's Mrs. Hayes and her best friend/roommate Mandy(Susan Bachli)both have sex/nudity scenes which might be of interest to slasher fans hoping for gratuitous elements besides some modest ultra-violent bits here and there. There's one impossibly long/tedious sequence where Mandy investigates Roscoe's lair which loses any suspense the director might've intended because he drags it on forever and ever.